Rapture's Remorse
by Desenchanter
Summary: COMPLETE Inuyasha's a screw up extraordinaire who sells himself for food, rent, and his next fix. That was, until his cute & saintly savior waltzed into his life. The girl that bought her heart with a promise she had every intention of keeping.
1. Release

_**Summary:**_ Inuyasha's a screw up extraordinaire who sells himself for food, rent, and—most importantly—his next fix. That was, until his ever so bothersome & saintly savor showed up. The girl that bought her heart with a promise she had ever intention to keep. And a woman with a goal is a fierce thing to mess with.

_**Warning:**__ this story is rated M for a reason. Language, drug use/references, suggestive content, very adult situations and some other uncomfortable mature situations, if you don't think you can handle that then don't read. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy. _

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* * *

_**{.x.o.} | R**_apture's _**R**_emorse_** | {.o.x.}  
{x| C**_hapter _1: **R**_elease_ **|x}**

"It is not enough to say that we live in a world where betrayal is possible at every _moment_, in every _degree_, and in every _form_." **  
~ G**_abriel_ **M**_arcel_

[…]

_Children's laughter floated about the dizzy dandelion infested field. It was a swirl of silly colors that could intoxicate anyone's sight. That was until a thud echoed about and a cry broke through the peace to take his full attention while he spun around to see a little girl upon her hands and knees, a few tears trickling down her lightly dirt covered cheeks as her big brown, watery, eyes wondered from the ground up to him, "Inu-kun!"_

_That always seemed to ring out over and over again as he walked over to kneel down in front of the smaller girl to help her to her feet, "stop crying! You didn't even scab your knees!"_

"_Inu-kun! You are mean," she whined all the while digging her face deep into her hands. _

_Flustered words attempted to leave his tangled tongue but that never seemed to happen so he raised his hands up to pat her on the shoulders instead, "it's alright," finally came out in a stutter._

_Her hands slid down her face to show her shining smile before she quickly leaned up to give him a quick, innocent, peck upon the lips—his _first_ kiss. She laughed at the way his cheeks flushed with color, "I like you, Inu-kun."_

"_I..." he coaxed right before his senses returned to him, "keh, don't do that! Stupid, girl."_

_She just giggled all the more as she took his hand and led him through the field once more, "Inu-kun, promises me something?"_

"_W-what?" his gaze glanced back and forth from their linked hands to her joyous face._

"_When we are older, we'll always be together, OK? When we're older, let's get married!"_

"_What!?" He gasped as she stopped and took his other hand, "wh-what?"_

"_Pweze, Inu-kun? But let's not be like our parents," she pouted, "we'll be better than them. They're bad at it... but we'll be good. We'll get married and live happily ever after, promise?"_

"_I promise," he stumbled back._

"_What are you two doing?!" shattered the happy little world as everything crumbled around his little self like an earthquake tearing through the ground to plummet him into darkness, utter, nonstop, emptiness._

_The same, blood curling, ear pierced, scream echoed about the nothingness. _

[…]

Always, he shot up out of his crummy bed with a deep intake of air, a tremble cascading through his body until his wide-eyes settled on what was around him. He wasn't in that field, he wasn't lost in the abyss, and because of that he could sigh and fall back in his cheap sheets.

It was a dream, just a dream… again. It was just that nightmare, all over again.

An hour or so passed before he finally decided to keep his amber orbs open and roll out of bed in nothing but his boxers. Lazily, he walked from his sleeping area into the kitchen and opened his nearly empty fridge to pull out his half-gone carton of orange juice before he grasped a box of whatever cereal he happened to have in the cabinet. After a hop he was on the container drinking straight out of the carton and sticking his hand into the box to eat it a hand full at a time.

He tried his best not to look about his shit-hole of a place but he really hadn't anything better to do at moments like that, seeing as he didn't own a TV. A studio apartment was really all he needed, it was fairly large but falling apart all over the place, the brick the walls were built of were showing here and there, the wooden floor was scuffed all around, and the ceiling had two small stains and one rather large one in the farthest right corner.

It was truly a pathetic place but _his_ pathetic place, _his_ home.

It was all he really had that he could say was 'his' and to him that meant the world, it was his shitty little sanctuary.

[…]

"That was good, Shin-kun," the vibrant vixen grinned in her usual alluring pose upon the luxurious bed, the sheets had long been lost in a pool at the bottom of her feet as her blue beauties hovered over him.

"Of course it was," he snorted back as he pulled his jeans back on.

"That's why you are my favorite, Shin-kun," she coaxed with a cock of her head, "your cocky attitude makes it all the more fun."

"Keh," was his simply, classic, trademark reply to anything he couldn't really think of an actual reply for. A jerk of his belt loop towards the bed got him to open his eyes as he fell back down on the mattress that they had just finished mingling upon. His reflexes were grand, though, so it took no effort to prop himself up with a knee and an arm so he didn't actually end up falling on his client. She knew that, too, and her smirk only widened at the proximity of their faces. "Kaguya…" he muttered, he knew that twinkle of mischief ever so well.

"I don't have time for more," she sighed as her fingers slipped from his jeans, "otherwise I'd just keep you _all_ night."

He nodded as he slid off the bed to retrieve his red shirt that had long ago been discarded in the hotel room, "I've got a question for ya'."

"Go ahead."

"You're hot," he blatantly stated after yanking his shirt over his silver tresses, "so why…?"

"Why thank you," she gleamed as she rolled over on the bed to find her undergarments at the end, "why do I pay?"

"Yeah…" he'd do it with her for free if they chanced upon each other in a different situation, though, he'd never admit that.

"I have plenty of money," she shrugged as she slipped her bra back on, her blues wondering about him all the while, "and it's simpler than having to go out and find someone. I don't have the time to prowl for my prey, and besides," she winked to him, "I can get you to do anything I say."

"You are a control freak," he murmured to himself, just low enough that she didn't catch it.

"I have a question or you, then, Shin-kun," she hummed and a simple nod was her answer, "why do you do this? You are handsome, I have a feeling you could get yourself a sugar-mama with ease so…?"

"It's not glamorous," he muttered as he rotated his shoulder to loosen up, "but I make a living for me by me. I hate charity," and that included any money he'd gain from a 'sugar-mama'.

"I see," she nodded and that was one of the other things about Kaguya he liked so much, there was no air of judgment about her, "I'll see you next to, Shin-kun."

"See ya'," he retorted with his usual low-effort wave before he exited the room. Somehow he wasn't shocked that as soon as he got to the elevator his phone went off, it was an effortless flip that opened it so he could place it to his ear, "hello?"

[…]

"It's good to see you," a gruff voice greeted from the intercom outside the apartment complex. He only had to let his eyes that were the color of the setting sun glided around the small entrance until they landed on the surveillance camera. "Come in," came out of the little black box before a beep told him the door was unlocked and he could walk in, up two flights of stairs and to the second door on the right. He knew it by heart, he was fairly certain he could do it in his sleep now.

He knocked twice before the door opened up and a familiar highly clothed man grinned grandly as he yanked open the door and stood aside so he could enter. The man was a freak of nature, in his opinion, but he was probably so high all the time that he didn't know that the mass amount of bandages he wore to look like something akin to a mummy.

"The usual?" the mummy inquired as he around in his mess of a foggy apartment until he found a prescription bottle.

"Yep," was his simple reply before he was thrown the red tinted bottle, "the same cost?"

"Eh," the man dragged out, "it'll be a bit more this time, it's starting to get harder to get that shit."

"I think you're just fucking with me," he retorted but that didn't stop him from shelling out the cash he just received from his finest patron.

"It's just business, Inuyasha," the man assured with his cocky, crazy smirk as he traded the bottle for the money. "You have expensive taste; I could give you heroin, cocaine, meth, hell, I could give most other proscriptions drugs for cheaper, Oxycodone, Vicodin, Valium, or Adderral."

"Fine, fine," he grunted as he stuffed the bottle into his pocket, "as long as I'm here…" and he still had just enough cash left over from his merger with Kaguya, "would you by chance have…?"

"Now _that's_ the same price," he chuckled as he grabbed a clear little bottle to throw exchange for the remainder of the hanyou's money. "It's always pleasure doing business with you."

"Yeah," he muttered before he shoved the bottle into his pocket and heading out.

It was a ritual he did anywhere from once a week to once every two or three, it just depended on how much of a 'need' he had for them.

Lately, that need had only grown.

[…]

Love, lust, what was the difference? Wasn't it all the same? You lust after what you love, you love what you lust. Neither of those things mattered to him any longer, he'd pushed both possibilities out of his every bit of him—his heart, soul, or body. What good had either ever brought the world? He was sure if you could weigh the pain both created against the pleasure the former would always be the heaviest.

Elation was fiction, gloom was genuine.

That's why he sat back on his run down yet favorite fortunate all the same—his couch—and watched the way the invisible liquid withdrew from its container, into the needle, and down to one of the black notches in the tube. One notch above the last time he did it, far too high for any mortal to live through but that was the bitch of being a part demon, he had to have more, thus, he had to buy more.

His breath left his lips once before he squeezed his fist and placed the pointed edge of the metal to his vein, marred by scarred dotes all about his inner elbow, before he jabbed it in and released the joyful juice to mix within him.

It took no time for the affects to set in and the calm to wash over in him waves as he relaxed into the tattered and faded red cushions.

Tonight, he'd close his eyes to sleep.

Tonight, he wouldn't be haunted by _those_ dreams.

Tonight would be the last night he'd be able to go through his habit in peace because tomorrow _she'd_ stomp her way into his life.

* * *

**A/N**: Just a quick chapter to start the story. I hope it coaxed your curiosity. I've got this story figured out for the most part and I usually hate to say this but I think it's going to be pretty good, probably better than most of my others. As always, there will be twists and turns all about. I have selective writers block, as odd as that sounds, so I'm finding it awfully hard to write another chapter for Beauty & the Blood.

Thanks for reading, reviewing, and I hope you enjoy.


	2. Ratify

**{.x.o.} | R**_apture's _**R**_emorse_** | {.o.x.}  
{x| C**_hapter _2: **R**_atify_**|x}**

"Ah! _Ah_!" Echoed about the typical hotel room along with each and every other moan the woman cried out as she edged closer to ecstasy with each new thrust into her. His pants only made it seem more real, but truth was, few of his clients stimulated him anymore but what did it matter? What could a high school dropout do for the same amount of cash? It wasn't a terrible deed, it was a desire everyone had—he just joined one of the oldest professions that knew how to exploited it. He made a good salary from doing so, too. He could live in a nice apartment in the epicenter of Tokyo and have some of the finest clothes, decent furniture, and so much more if only he didn't waste most of his earnings of that nasty 'need' of his.

"_Uhn_! Shin!" the woman he equated to a cow shouted as she arched her roly-puly-self up to him. He had quite the talent; he could get 'it' up almost on command. It made his job a whole hell of a lot easier, not to mention his other gift, the power to find the perfect pleasure spots of almost anyone so he could pound into them more to push them over the that edge.

This one, the nameless face below him, was no different.

It was a business deal, really. He had a service that was in high demand particularly for lonely woman in the midst of February. Woman that wanted to fantasize that they were loved in the amour filled month. It was a simple transaction, too. They were connected through his one and only source, they scheduled a meet at any one of the numerous hotels in Tokyo—usually a 'love' hotel, at that. He got the money first, they'd tell him what they wanted him to do in whatever amount of details they wished, then they'd have to take a shower, and the sex could begin. It lasted for however long they paid for, never a minute longer, either.

When it was all done he dressed himself, exchange the usual comments with whoever it was, and then left with cash in hand.

It was easy, it was painless. He didn't mind, generally.

"So _Shin_-kun," a mocking, recognizable razor sharp woman started as he walked into her 'office' without even as much as a knock. Somehow, he wasn't surprised to see her waving her favorite fan to cool herself down. "She was a new client, how'd it go?"

"I think she'll be calling you again," he assured with his usual cocky edge as he shelled out her portion of his earnings.

"You are the greatest, Shin," she cooed while she counted the cash, "it's so hard to find good boys nowadays. I have _plenty_ of girls, but not enough guys. If you have any friends—"

"Please," he ridiculed with a scoff, "you know I don't bother with that."

"Right," she laughed lightly as her pink tinted red gaze glanced up to him, "I forget how fucked up you are."

"Ha," he grunted, "takes one to know one, _Kagura_."

"As always, charming," she snapped back before opening her drawer and stashing her savings away, "here, you have an appointment."

"Fuck me," he muttered as he took the card she was dangling in front of him.

"I think you've had enough of that for one day," she jabbed with a rather cruel smirk.

"Bitch," he growled back only to coax another fit of laughter out of her. He rolled his liquid golden gaze before heading out only to hear her shot something crude, as usual, to him before the door shot. It was a like-detest relationship he shared with her, mostly detest, though.

_Particularly_ on days when he had such 'appointments'.

[…]

Did anyone really read the magazines that were spewed welcomingly across the coffee tables? Sure, people picked them up, he always did, but how many actually read the words instead of glancing from the page to the people around them wondering 'what the hell's wrong with _that_ one?', that was one of his hobbies at least. And the chairs! Why did they always have to be so uncomfortable, no matter how many times he wiggled about he could never find a way to sit without his ass ending up aching from the wait or his back stiffened.

The wait was always a bitch, too. He couldn't be certain if it was really long or if it was just the fact that he was anxiously anticipating what was to happen next. No matter how many times he had the procedure done, it never got easier. He supposed it probably went for the opposite sex, too, but shouldn't they be used to things being stuck up their 'entrances'? His thoughts didn't get far this time before his alias 'Shin' was called and he put down the magazine he was supposedly deeply interested in to go back to the examination room.

What the hell made them think that it was OK to call people from a room full of other patients into a private one only to make them wait some more? It was aggravating like hell.

It always was, every bit of it, until it was done and he was out the door, popping a few of his precious pills in his mouth as he shook off the experience again. Getting the blood drawn from his arm was nothing; he didn't even give a shit about the odd looks the nurses always gave him from all the marks that were already there. It was getting the Q-tip shoved in his dick that always bothered him, the very thought made him have to throw one more white pill from his red container into his mouth. Generally, he liked to crush them up and drink them in his coffee—it got to the brain quicker that way, it was like a lightening bolt—but he didn't have anything to crush them with nor any coffee so actually swallowing and waiting for the effects to kick in had to be done this time.

He loathed his 'let's check to make sure you're still clean' appointments his fabulous match-maker—she liked to be called—set up for him each month. She was devoted to making sure all the products she provided were in pristine condition, he was no expectation. She didn't give a shit about his drug tendency, but god forbid he get any STDs.

That was when the park across the street from the clinic Kagura paid big bucks not to give a real damn about the people she sent there—like, say, check for their real IDs—caught his attention. A little boy was player with an even smaller girl as they spun around on the mary-go-round right under an old, shade providing, tree.

He remembered those days still… he wished he didn't, the overload on unneeded—most tell him so, anyway—prescription pills didn't wash all the memories away. His brain wasn't damaged enough _yet_. Someday it would, that was his goal anyway.

_Laughter, her little giggle that still haunted his dreams, broke out as she squatted down on the spinning toy and grasped the red poles tighter shouting all the while, "faster, Inu-kun, faster!"_

_He obliged, he'd do anything for her, and ran quicker before jumping onto it on the opposite side of her and grabbing on with all his might as it went around and around for an endless amount of time. He laughed along with her as the wind tore through his silver tresses and her dark locks that she nearly always had up in a ponytail. _

_Neither of them moved or stopped smiling until the ride ended and they tried to stumble over to each other, "I'm so dizzy, Inu-kun," she awed as she fell right on her butt._

"_Me too," he mumbled before he did the same right next to her._

"_Thank you for playing with me all the time, Inu-kun," she praised as she lied down all the way. "I love you."_

The cry of a girl stripped him of such thoughts as his eyes fixated upon the little one who had fallen on the ground and off the ride, tears making their way out of her eyes as the boy leaped off to her aid. "It hurts, onii-san!"

He didn't bother to linger long enough to watch as her _big brother_ comforted her like he was sure to do. He couldn't help but think about one thing, even though he'd rather not. Why did she always thank _him _for playing with _her_? It should have been the other way around… Just as he turned to head off towards his section of town he caught a man walking by in his authoritative suit give him _that_ look—or was his mind just playing tricks on him?

Yeah, whatever, he had some deep seeded screwed up, sick thing about him. He was a monster, he got it. He was abnormal; he was disgusting, he was _wrong_. He knew it, he did, he was told it enough and he believed it. Why do you think he needed the drugs? They were supposed to dull it all, it was supposed to take away all of that. They were supposed to make him void.

There had to be something _seriously_ wrong with him when his very own mother gave him that very same weary look hidden behind her watery yet somehow still loving watch.

He was probably the true bane of her existence, though she'd never admit to that.

How could a bastard child like _him_ be joyous like any good son should be?

No, he shook his head free of those thoughts and rolled one shoulder around to loosen up as the pills finally started to dissolve in his system by the time he reached the stairs that lead to his crappy, ruin down, apartment building.

There was a girl waiting there on the steps, sitting with her chin in her hands and her elbows upon her knees on the top one. Besides the obvious fact that her clothes were too nice for anyone that lived in his neck of the woods he didn't notice anything about her or even regard her as a fellow living being while he walked up the steps to grab the front door.

"Inuyasha…?" she unsurely stated, stopping him before he even had the chance to open the gateway to his warped world. He cocked a brow and glanced down at the girl that stared up at him, "it is you!"

He had to glance about to check to make sure there was no one else she could be addressing before he warily looked back at her. Shimmering hazels met his ambers, loose waves of onyx locks, a perfect complexion, and oddly familiar features but… he was certain he hadn't any idea who she was.

Oh, lord, _no_, was she one of his patrons? Jesus, did another one of them follow him home? But wouldn't he remember such a pretty one? Kaguya was his best looking client by far… so he was certain that he'd recognize the girl before him. Christ all mighty, what if it was worse? What if she was a girlfriend or something of one of his clients? He's had to deal with wives and husbands once or twice… it was a nightmare to say the least.

"Do I know you?" he finally bothered to ask, "cause I don't think I do."

"I'm Higurashi Kagome," she stated as she popped up and bowed her head, "we sort of know each other but not really."

Fuck him, he was certain now… she was a pissed relation of someone he'd screwed. "What do you want?" he grunted as he opened the shabby poorly painted door that still showed hints of the graffiti that was so often sprayed on.

"To help you," she assured simply after she stepped in his way, "I'm here to stop your drug use and aid you in finding a new profession."

What the hell? He cocked his brow all the more higher as he stared at the pretty damn serious appearing girl before him, his eyes wondered about her façade before they met the object that could explain it all to him.

A plain golden cross hung around her neck, damn Christians needed to mind their own business for once. "Fuck off," he ordered as he pushed her out of his way and into his building to go up four flights of crummy stairs until he found his door, after two turns of two separate keys he was able to open the door and spin around, "I said! Go! Away!"

"No," she protested staunchly as she slid into his apartment without permission and somehow miraculously through his body barrier. "Eck… have you ever heard of cleaning?"

"Get the hell out of here!" he countered swiftly as he pushed her towards the door.

"Stop it!" She damned with a smack of his hands, "I'm here to help you! You should be more grateful!"

"I don't want your help! I don't know who sent you here but I _don't_ need it!" He shouted right back, "this is breaking and entering, now get out!"

"It's just entering, moron," she sighed with a fold of her arms as she planted her feet firmly in the wooden floor, "I'm not leaving."

"I'll call the cops," he threatened as he pulled out his cell.

"No you won't," she mocked with a smile, one far too sweet for the tone she was producing, "you are a male prostitute, you sure wouldn't want them finding out about that. It's illegal, besides, I'm sure there are unsubscribed drugs somewhere about here, too."

Damn it, she had a point there so he lowered his phone, it was a bluff and she called it.

"What do you want?" he firmly growled once more.

"I already _told_ you," she muttered as she leaned towards him, "I'm here to _help_ you."

"You mean save me from my sins?" he jested as he flicked her dangling necklace, "go get yourself fucked, maybe then you'd loosen up and leave other people alone."

"How crude," she gasped as she grasped her necklace, "is this the type of thanks you give everyone that tries to help you?"

"What the hell are you?" he spat as he walked over to the container so there would be some sort of barrier between him and the invader, "Catholic?"

"Yes," she nodded after she had already walked up to it so they were just the length of the pealing countertop away from each other, "do you have something against Catholics?"

"Yeah," he grunted, "I do, now get out."

"Now that's not very fair," she pouted, "you don't even know me but you're going to judge me on the fact that I'm Catholic?"

"You don't know me and you've done the exact same thing!"

"I have not," she offensively gasped.

"Yes you have!" He emphasized with a slam of his fists upon the countertop, "ya' waltz in here and say you're a goddamn whore and a druggy!"

"You shouldn't use the lords name in vain," she instructed candidly as her fingers glanced over the golden necklace she wore, "and I didn't say either of those things, now did I?"

"Yeah, you kinda did," he stressed as he grasped his fists together, "fuck off."

"You have terrible language skills," she sighed, "you know cursing every other word makes you sound like a fool, don't you?"

"Get out!"

"No," she kept up as she moved her hand from her necklace to one of his fists, "I'm not going anywhere. Even if you force me away I'll just come back again and again. I'm not judging you, honestly, I'm sure you've had a very difficult life and that's why you are—"

"No, everything's always been so peachy," he sassed as he tore his hand from hers and walked around the counter top towards the door, "if you aren't leaving, I am!"

"Then I'll just follow you!" She warned before she ran up to his side and grasped his shoulder, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to help you, whether you like it or not. Believe me; it'd just be simpler if you agreed to it. It'd make your life a whole lot easier."

"Why!?" he ripped his shirt free of her and turned around to look her square in her unwavering hazels, "why are you doing this? Why do you give a shit?"

"Because I made a promise," she declared determinedly, "and I have every intention of keeping it."

"You made a promise, huh?" he muttered with a narrowed gaze, "let me guess, with God or something? Go screw him, why don't ya', and leave me alone?"

Her hand just flung up to cover her agape mouth.

"Jesus, you really are a religious one, aren't ya?" he couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. "Idiot."

"There's nothing wrong with being pious," she mumbled behind her hand before she withdrew it, "maybe you should try it. It's helped me get through a lot of hard times."

"Yeah, I'm sure you've had it desperately difficult Miss Designer Clothes," he prodded.

"These _aren't_ designer," she guaranteed as she pulled on her black cardigan sweater, "these just aren't from some thrift store. There's a difference."

"Ouch," he grunted, "that hurt."

"Now you are just being a jerk on purpose," she sighed, "why won't you let me help you?"

"Why would I?" He had no intention of letting people he'd known for years in so _why_ on earth would he allow a stranger in?

She pressed her thin lips together at that, he just grinned at getting her to shut her mouth finally, with a petit sigh she wagered, "how about this? Give me a week, one week, to make you change your mind. If in that time you don't decide you want my help, if you _really_ want me gone, so be it. You'll never see me again. But if you change your mind… I'll be here still."

He cocked a brow at her as he loosely folded his arms. He'd been approached once or twice on the run down streets of his neighborhood by some religious freaks that wished to save his damned soul but he'd never had one barge into his home and _demanded _to let them _help_ him. She never mentioned saving his soul, never mentioned converting him, but those two things had to be coming, didn't they? "And what are you gonna do if I don't agree, eh? You're just a small girl, you think I'm scared of you?"

Her innocent smile shined through at that moment as she interlaced her fingers behind her back and proudly stated, "I'll call the authorities and inform them of your illegal activities. I anticipated all of this, so I have a picture of you and one of your clients that might help them along with their investigation."

No… just no way, this self-righteous girl couldn't actually have that evidence but there didn't seem to be a flake in her façade all the same… could she honestly be telling the truth? Or could she just bluff far better than him?

"One week?" he groaned, "_just_ one week? _Just_ seven days?"

"Yes," she nodded.

He bit his bottom lip as he glanced around, what could one week hurt? He wouldn't change his mind then she'd be gone. "You swear just one week then I'll never see you again?"

"I vow to God," she swore as she placed one of her hands upon her heart, "that if in one week you truly do not wish for my help, I will be gone. You'll never see me again and I will not call the police or anything of the sorts."

"F… Fine," he muttered in the end, it would just be _one_ week… just one hundred and sixty eight hours.

How terrible could it be?

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews, I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much :)

Also, religion won't play a major roll per se and even though Christianity isn't a big player in Japan it'll make the story far more interesting, I assure you. I'm not pious myself by any real measure, I just find all religions (for the exclusion of Scientology, that's _bullshit _to the extreme) fascinating. Christianity is the one I know most about so that's why I picked it.


	3. Relinquish

**{.x.o.} | R**_apture's _**R**_emorse_** | {.o.x.}  
{x| C**_hapter _3: **R**_elinquish_ **|x}  
**

"Get the fuck out!" He hollered once more, _yes_ he said that he'd suffer through her presence for one hundred and sixty eight hours but he did _not_ think that meant she would literally be staying with him for every single moment of that. He would _not_ be able to deal with that. It had really only been a few hours but it was far too long all the same. She was fiddling with all his things, trying to 'clean-up'. He had everything in a very particular order and though it was not orthodox it worked just fine for him and if she kept picking up his discarded clothes and everything else then he'd never be able to find a damn thing.

"No," she stated stiffly as she flung another one of his many white shirts into the pile she had already collected, "when was the last time you did laundry?"

"You are going to drive me insane," he hissed with a swift yank he pried her arms out so she'd drop all his things, "get the hell out of my place or I swear—!"

"You are not violent," she countered just as she pulled her hands from his grasp, "you wouldn't do a thing to me."

"How the hell do you know?" He countered; he wasn't even so sure of that. He'd been in fist fights, he'd bashed a few skulls in, never a girls but… who the hell knew? He wasn't right, there was something profoundly wrong with him, who's to say he wouldn't hurt her? "And, to top that off, why are you doing all this? Why do you care what I do with my life? Is it some pious thing, some rite of religious passage where you have to save a soul? Do you get a twisted bliss from waltzing into other people's business and reconfirming it to what _you_ would prefer?"

She simply pressed her lips together for that and set her hands upon her hips, it was a fair question, she supposed. "This has just as much to do with God as everything else does, no more, no less."

That was a bullshit answer, she said something but it meant nothing. Even she had to know that so he grumbled and walked over to the living room area of his studio, "will you just leave? OK? I don't know you, I really can't imagine why you'd want to bother. Do you not have something better to do? Don't you have a job?"

"I'm a registered nurse," she stated with a shrug, "I'm in-between jobs right now, so I haven't anything else to do, I assure you."

"Is that why you are bothering me?" He muttered with a glare, "go find another addict, there are a thousand out there. Any one of them needs your help more than I do." He didn't… have a right to be saved; he was doomed to the fiery pits of hell. He was certain there was a special circle in the farthest depths that was reserved for people like him; he'd been assured of that a thousand times. He believed it.

He _deserved_ it.

"You don't know me, I don't know you, let's just leave it at that," he demanded definitely. The next thing he knew her hands were banging against his shoulders enough that he fell back against the couch, by the time he could his senses she was on his lap and grasping his hand to place it on her left breast. His ambers widened to a record width at that, _seriously_? That's what this was all about?

Tick, tock, it took a bit but he found a way to talk, "my… my services aren't free, ya' know."

"You know this," she declared as she pressed his hand more onto her, "that's enough."

Puzzlement etched its way into his expressions; his gaze couldn't help but fixate on his hand, thus, her boastful breast. "I know your breast?"

"No!" She gasped, "you know _this_."

"Look, lady I do know that I'm not free," he swallowed as he glanced away. "Do you want me to squeeze?"

"What? No!" She shrieked as she did just that to his hand, "you know _this_."

It didn't change however many times she said it, he simply did _not_ comprehend. "Know what?" He countered with a cocked brow, it was painstaking but he pried his eyes up to her determined features.

"_This_," she emphasized.

"Your big breast?" He mocked, "I know breast well, I can probably make you hornier than belief with just—"

"Shut up, you perv," she sighed, "what else is there?"

Slowly, his baffled ambers moved down her neck, her cross catch his brief attention before her square white colored shirt then where his hand was. "Your… shirt?"

"Other than that," she groaned.

"Your boobs?"

"You are not this dense, are you?" She awed while her head fell back and rotate around before she dropped his hand and jumped off of him. Never mind, if he didn't get it then there was no point. Seriously, how could he _not_ understand what she was getting at? Dense boys were the bane of every girl's existence. Herself included.

"I don't get it!" he called out as she picked up her sweater and headed towards the door with a roll of her eyes and a shake of her head.

"I'll see you later, OK?" she glanced at him as she opened the door; the most dumbfounded gaze was plastered across his agape face.

"Was that your way of trying to hit on me?" he jabbed all the same, he'd been trying to get her to leave for hours but now that he actually had the chance… well, he couldn't give up the chance to make fun of her of her miserable attempt. Though, it did get his lower extremities full attention all the same.

"No," she scoffed with a narrowed gaze, "I'm a devout catholic, have you already forgotten that? You were having such a jolly time making fun of me for that earlier."

"So you're a virgin?" he chuckled, there simply was no way someone that looked like _her_ had never had sex. Particularly if she was truly old enough to already be a registered nurse, the very idea was outrageous yet she remained ever so silent as she stared at him firmly. His golden gaze grew grand, _no_, she… "you _are_?"

"I refuse to have sex until I get married," it was a straightforward statement and absolutely absent of any shame. His mouth fell open all the more. "I will see you later; please do not do anything dangerous over night. And don't worry," her shine returned to her smile as she sung, "I'll be back."

Somehow… he honestly didn't doubt that.

"What a weirdo," he muttered after he locked the door behind her, both of the bolts and slid the chain into place before he pulled out the red container in his pocket and popped out a pill. If having to suffer through that girl wasn't a good enough reason to use, he didn't know what was.

Then again… well, he didn't need to think of the logic behind his ways. He was ever so skilled at crushing the pill in a strong stone bowl, what many called a mortar, and the club-shaped utensil, a pestle, until the once whole white chunk was a fine dust. He jiggled the powder into his cup of instant coffee and drank a large sip right away.

It was like a lightning bolt, right to the brain. A buzz of electricity shot through his head and every worry, every nagging naughty thought, _everything_ faded just like that.

He'd only relish in the feeling for an hour at most before he shot himself up with his other friend, his only _real_ friend. The liquid that countered the solid, that made everything slow down… that allowed him to sleep without a dream.

[...]

"You seemed… distracted," Kaguya cooed as she traced her fingers up the center of his stomach, to his chest, all the way to his neck and back down, _all_ the way down.

"Did not," he countered calmly, he gave just as much effort to his actions as he did all other times and that was saying something, because he worked harder for Kaguya than all others. It wasn't until after that he had time to lament over how his day had unfolded. _She_,that stupid girl, had showed up at his place, pounding on the door, at a god-awful hour. Who in their right mind is up at _eleven_? The world was ending if he ever bothered to roll out of bed before noon, let alone _eleven_. It was still in the a.m. for God's sake! He tried his best to pile enough pillows over his ears so that her constant shouts and slams didn't bother him but after a half hour it was useless, she wasn't going away. So he pulled on boxers—he preferred to sleep in the nude, he always got so damn hot at night—and yank the door open to a pissed girl, a bag upon a cup holder that held two to-go mugs in one hand and the other fixated upon her hip.

"The drinks are cold now," she sassed as she stormed past him and set the food upon the counter. "I noticed you didn't have anything to eat, so I bought some bagels on my way over. These are better for you than that cereal junk you have. Do you know how what high fructose corn syrup does to your body?"

He'd never passed up free food before, so why change it that time? His coffee was cold and she was lurking around him at all times so it took quite some effort to evade her eyes long enough to crush a pill and mix it into his drink—he had to go to his _bathroom_ to do it! It was his place, why couldn't he do as he pleased in the open like usual? It was kind of a new record for him, an hour had gone by since he got up, he was currently fully stocked, and he hadn't downed a drug filled beverage. He didn't enjoy the experience and the jolt he got after the first sip made that agony go away.

Still refused to leave his _all_ day, she just lingered about trying to coax this and that out of him. Trying to get him to change his mind about her, and _trying_ to clean his goddamn place up. He was going to kill her, honestly, if she didn't stop that. He liked it as it was, he didn't want it _clean_. Nothing about his was _clean_ so why should his place be any different?

He was dirty, inside and out.

She threw herself a little tantrum when he said he had to go, it probably wasn't hard for her to guess he had a job to go to. "It's not even dark," she grumbled. "We don't always work at night," he countered cockily before he pushed her out of his studio, locked up, and pretty much ran down the stairs and out of the place without her following him. The very last thing he needed was her bothering him at work. It was Kaguya who wanted to see him, too. He wanted to go as much as he ever did; it wasn't like it was that fat cow lady or some annoyingly clinging person.

She was probably his favorite, she understood there was a line that was never meant to be crossed and it probably never occurred to her to do so. He did his job well, she got her pleasure out of it, it was as simple as that. Nothing more needed to be added, nothing needed to be subtracted.

"If you say so," Kaguya's lull of a voice brought him back to the present as he turned his head to see her bright blue eyes right there. "You out of your candy, Shin-kun?"

Candy, he had never tried to deny his life's number one enjoyment to her. She figured it out the moment they met, it was his eyes, she told him, they were tainted from his use. It didn't matter to her, she didn't judge him, 'to each their own' she had assured him. Whatever got him through the day, if it was drugs, splendid for him, it was sex for her. Mind-fucking, body-numbing, bliss-bring organisms.

"That's good for me," he had joked and she had smirked, that's how he knew they'd get along.

"Nope," he retorted, "I'm fully stocked."

"Ah," she muttered as she rested her chin against his chest, "Shin-kun, you know mixing uppers and downers is a bad idea, don't you?"

Now, she' never judge him, but God forbid the woman _doesn't_ give her opinion on just about anything.

"I've heard," he murmured back.

"You are going to fuck up your system beyond belief someday," she shook her head as she sat up and reached for her discarded bra. "It'll be a tragedy; I'll have to find a new boy-toy."

"That's the plan," he whispered to himself as he crawled out of bed to recollect his clothes and slowly put them on. Another bonus about being with Kaguya was the sweet, sweet, fact that she had already paid Kagura her portion of his proceeds so the hanyou didn't need to go see the bitch.

"I hope that pays the rent," Kaguya jested as she nodded towards the bulge in his pocket, his well earned reward.

"Oh, it is," he assured. Two sessions with Kaguya and he had the rent for the month collected, the only truly decent thing he could think of in all his life was rather pathetic. He'd never been able _not_ to pay for rent since he moved into that studio. It was the small things in life that were meant to matter the most, wasn't it? "See ya'."

"Not for a while, Shin-kun," she taunted with a wink as she slid on her lace panties, "I'm afraid I'll be going overseas on business."

"That sucks," he sighed, she was truly the only one he consistently enjoyed seeing.

"It does," she pouted right on back, "but I'll call you up the very night I return, I assure you. For the _entire_ night, too."

He grinned as he slid his shirt on, that was good. A whole night equaled a lot more cash, which meant he'd have enough money for his next fix. That is, if that stupid mummy man didn't jack up the prices again.

He liked the hotel they met at, too, it was pretty damn high class and most of the staff knew what he was and would always give him _that_ look as he walked in to meet Kaguya in the same suite as always. He just grinned his cocky smirk to them all the same. It was the very place he never belonged…

"Oh my, you take _forever,_" he cringed instantly, stopping in the dead center of the lobby with clenched shut eyes. That wasn't… that _couldn't_… he rigidly turned to see a bored Kagome sitting on the round bench in the center of the elaborate entrance.

"How…?" he gawked.

"Oh, please," she sassed as she sat up straight and crossed her legs, "she's the one I have a picture of you with."

"You creepy little stalker," he grunted as he shoved his hands in his pocket and headed out, he wasn't shocked at all when she caught up to his side.

"Do you really like doing your job? She's pretty, that lady, but I can't imagine all of them are—"

"Stop," he sighed, "I don't feel like it right now, alright?" He felt like crushing a pill and possibly snorting it, _that_ was a straight-shot to his brain, or taking a nap. The former seemed far more pleasurable than the latter.

She pressed her lips together and looked ahead as they walked the crowded streets of Tokyo; the sky had shifted to a fading orange with hues of purple. "I'm hungry," she stated bluntly before they got too far. "You must be famished, eh?"

"Not really," more to the point, he didn't want to spend his new money on anything but the rent… or a new red bottle. His clear joy would be good in a few days with the way he was going, too.

"Come on," she seemed to completely disregard him as she grasped his arm and pulled him towards one of the many restaurants and straight into one of the higher classed ones, "a table for two."

"I said I'm not hungry," he grumbled to her under his breath. He didn't even have to bother to look at the hostess to know that she, too, was giving him _that_ look. The 'you surely shouldn't be here, mutt' subtle glare.

"The wait will be a while," the hostess assured sweetly.

"Really? Because from here I can see a few tables open and cleaned," Kagome countered as she glanced behind the elegant looking girl, she was probably a failed model.

"Those are… on reserve."

"Really?" Kagome kept up once her hazels snapped back to the obviously blonde dyed girl, "should I talk to your manager? I mean, we could make this easy, you _could_ just seat us or I _could_ just make a scene and believe me when I say that I can make one _awfully_ big scene. I'm sure the people in the streets might even hear and who would have thought such a fine restaurant would discriminate against any paying customer but if you'd rather I do that—"

"Hold on one moment," the hostess plastered on her phony smile as she slipped away from her black podium and headed over to an elder man in the back.

"Seriously, let's just go," Inuyasha urged in a hush but Kagome only shoved his shoulder and ignored him until the hostess came back and picked up two menus.

"Right this way," she nodded before she led them to one of those empty tables. Her faultless fake façade faltered when Kagome's sweet smile did not flinch a bit as she sat down, took the menu, and opened it up even going so far as _thanking_ her for showing them to their seats.

"Why did you do that?" Inuyasha harshly whispered to her form across the table, he hadn't even bother to open the menu. This place was _far_ too expensive; surely he had better things to spend his money on.

"Why did I do what?" She hummed as her hazels moved about the thick, black, two paged menu. Why'd they have to make it look so fancy why they didn't have much of a selection to start out with?

"Don't play stupid," he hissed, "we didn't need to come here, Miss Expensive Tasted."

"I would rather have an expensive tasted than a taste for drugs," she murmured to herself almost low enough that it got passed his ears, _almost_. "Anyway," she chimed to stop his sure to be rude retaliation, "it's not fair at all for them to judge us. _No one_ has a right to judge others, in any manner, particularly a condescending one. In the end, God's the only one that can decided what will become of us, whether we were good or bad, whether we deserve to be praised or punished. That lady hadn't any right to blatantly deny us entry just because we don't look like the normal customers. It just bothers me _so_ much when I run into people like that. I couldn't help myself, I'm sorry if it was embarrassing."

Not once did she bother to look away from her menu as she said that and her calm of a tone never altered, either. What got him the most was the mere fact that she continuously said 'we' and never 'you', _she_ looked like the proper crowd to be in there, _he_ did not. She knew that, too, she had to.

"I'm paying," she remarked after she glanced up to see he hadn't bothered to examine his menu. "Eat something, you are far too slim, you obviously do not eat enough. Consider it charity."

"I hate charity," he grunted.

"Well, you are going to eat food. If I must order for you so be it," she said in a highly matter-of-fact tone as she shut her menu and sat it down to meet his glare openly.

"I don't like you," he grumbled bitterly.

"I don't care," she pleasantly proclaimed.

"I don't get you," he muttered.

"I don't care," she said all the same while she turned her head to greet the waiter, "two teas and two waters, please."

"Of course," he replied with a bow of his head and promptly turned on his heels to go away.

"I don't drink tea," Inuyasha declared as he leaned back in the chair.

"You should, it's good for you, _and_ how can you be oriental and not like tea?" she teased.

"Keh," he heard that often but it didn't change the fact that it tasted like leaves, and who wanted to drink something that tasted like a tree? Now _coffee_ was a grand western tradition that he openly accepted, not only did it give him an energy boast—on top of being a drug addict, he had become a devout caffeine junkie—but it also was the best host from his white powder friends.

"You're… proud," she seemed to agonize over her choice of words as her eyes wondered over his body, "most people… like you, wear long sleeves all the time, it's cold enough to do so for certain and you _do_ own sweaters, I saw them in your closet yet… here you are, in a short-sleeve T-shirt showing all your marks as if you are not ashamed at all."

All his rewards from his loyal years of independently medicating himself, the dots that would never go away on the inside of his elbows… what she didn't know, what he could never confess, was that he _needed_ to be medicated. He _needed_ to have his nasty needs surprised and if no doctor would do it, then why not save humanity at large and do it himself? If it weren't for the glaring fact that he _hated_ to talk to people that he _detested_ people sticking their nose into his business and if he felt he _deserved_ saving, he might have admitted himself to a mental institute long ago.

There was something twisted and wrong about him, there was something that made him the monster all those he ever cared for declared he was, wouldn't a place like that be able to fix him?

He didn't warrant forgiveness, he didn't merit being fixed.

"What do you want me to say to that? Sorry?" he retorted as he folded his arms upon his chest, "cause I ain't."

He didn't even notice the return of the waiter or that he had already placed the glasses on the table, he just barely caught the end of what Kagome was saying before he smiled, said 'yes, ma'am,' and left once more.

"Of course not," apparently, she heard him all the same, "you needn't be ashamed, many of the same problem. Let me help you."

"No," he muttered, "I like my problem, leave it be."

She pressed her lips together before she sighed and lean back in her chair, "then… when this week ends—"

"I'll tell you 'no' and you'll be out of my life," he grinned for the first time since the entered the overly romantic atmosphere.

Her petit lips turned down to pout, "I was going to say, just let me stay."

He cocked a brow at that, _stay_?

"I won't try to 'fix' you but… do you have any friends? Wouldn't you like one?"

"Keh, I'm not stupid, lady, you are just going to pretend to be my 'friend' and try to 'fix' me all at once," he gripped.

"No, if I truly became your friend it would be my duty to help you. It's sad you're all alone…"

"I'm perfectly fine with it."

"Then that's worse," she countered while her brows bent to create unnatural wrinkles upon her head, "everyone should have someone."

"I'm better off without," and he meant that, truly, from the depths of his wrecked soul. If no one was close to him, if no one was around him, then… he couldn't corrupt them, he couldn't warp them, he couldn't be the one to pave their road to damnation. If this girl stuck with him, he'd do all of that and more. She wouldn't fix him, he'd just break her. And how ease would it be to corrupt someone with such candor innocence? It wouldn't even take effort, not that he ever meant to…

"I don't believe that," she mumbled, "no one is meant to be alone. God created Eve so that Adam would not have to suffer such a fate."

"Stop it," he scowled, "I don't believe in anything in that stupid book, so don't even try it."

"In a literal sense, neither do I," she relished briefly in the shock that cascaded across his façade, "I do not believe we are all descendents of Adam and Eve, I do not believe that every story in the Bible is the truth. I believe they are all meant to be interpreted, I prefer to think against the common Catholic conscious and say it should be interpreted _independently_. That the church hasn't really a right to tell us how we should understand the Bible. To me, they are just moral guidelines, but I think what's important about the tale of Adam and Eve is just that. No one is meant to be alone; God has created someone for everyone, just like he did for them. Eve was created for Adam, and Adam was meant for Eve."

He… could not argue with her, if she didn't truly believe that everyone was somehow descendents of just two people then he hadn't anything to ridicule her about. If he wasn't such a stubborn bastard, he might have actually taken what she said to heart—after all, even to him, it made sense.

"I ordered for you, I hope you like it," Kagome adorably smiled as a fancy meal upon a clean white plate was placed before Inuyasha just like one was for her, "please eat."

She started in on her meal right away and he couldn't die that it smelled good and he _was_ hungry, Kaguya always took all of his energy.

"This is actually good… what is it? What type of restaurant is this, anyway?"

"It's French," she stated, "and that's Foie Gras."

"That doesn't help," he grunted after another fork full, "what type of meat is this?"

She waited for him to have another bite, her smile growing all the more, "it's duck liver."

Just like she expected his eyes almost bulged out of his head and he automatically spat whatever was in his mouth out into his napkin, a joyful giggle broke out of her then. "You little bitch!"

"Please don't do that," she requested in between her fits of laughter, "liver is so very good for you, and you said it yourself, it taste good."

"You little," he growled again all the same with tightly clenched firsts.

[...]

"I don't want to go out," Inuyasha grumbled as he tugged away from her hand but she had quite the grip for such a small thing, he couldn't seem to free himself and she was working awfully hard to pull him forward.

"We already out," Kagome countered with another yank, "you said you'd give me a week, tomorrow's the last day, you should just allow me to do as I please!"

"I said I'd put up with you for a week, I did _not_ say I'd do shit with you," he countered coarsely. Again, _again_, she followed him to work and was waiting in the love-hotel's entrance for him to come out. How the hell did she keep finding him?

"You're crude," she sighed, finally allowing him to free his hand and halt. "Look… if you put up with my antics for today I'll let you off a day early, alright?"

"You mean tonight I get tell you to 'fuck off' and you'll listen? I'll _never_ have to deal with you again?" He grinned at the very thought and at her simple nod of an answer, "fine, deal."

She shook her head ever so slightly as she spun around, clasping her hands behind her back as she began to walk for and, reluctantly, he followed.

"Don't you have a date for today or somethin'?"

"No," she replied as she tilted her head just so she could barely look back at him, "I'm not very familiar with Tokyo, I'm from Nikko. I just recently moved here so I don't really know anyone here. Big cities can be so lonely; I don't know what their appeal is."

"Why'd you move here if you don't like cities?"

"Why indeed," she muttered to herself before she stopped at a sidewalk café, "I'm thirsty, how about you?"

"I could use some coffee," and his special pick-me-up in it, too. They each ordered before she picked a seat for them, he couldn't help but notice how her hazels were glued to her tea and little else.

"I'm not a fan of valentine's day," she confessed while her eyes slowly moved up to him, "our version is better than the western one, I suppose. Girls only have to give guys chocolates and such, it would be far worse if both sexes were meant to exchange gifts and be all lovey-dovey."

"You seem like the type that'd like that 'lovey-dovey' shit," he retorted after his second swig of his ever so special coffee. It had gotten awfully difficult to find any time during the day when she was lurking around so he had to endure popping the pills _whole_ into his mouth while she was distracted and that simply did not do, not only did he feel like he had to use more to get the same affect but it took _forever_ to kick in. Only last night did he figure a way around that, he had crushed up a few pills, tore open portable one-serving sugar packet and replaced the actual sweet powder with his preferred version. All he had to do after that was glue it shut again and he was good to go, he could just pretend to be pouring sugar into his coffee. She'd never know the difference.

She simply sighed, "I guess I'm just jealous of all these couples. I probably would love the holiday if I had a boyfriend."

He loved the holiday in general; he'd seen four clients, two last nights and two that morning. People without a lover to share the day with were always miserable and those that usually wouldn't would break down and call in people like _him_ to service the needs that they otherwise wouldn't be satisfied with. When he got back to his studio complex he could pay the landlord that month and the next's rent in full. What a relief.

"You're a pretty girl," he stated, it wasn't like it was meant to be a compliment or anything, "you could get a guy. Besides, men freak out over virgins."

"Stop that," she whispered harshly as her cheeks flushed, "you are so crude."

"I'm just sayin', it's not hard, let it slip on the second date or something that you're a virgin and the guy will go all gaga over you."

"Stop it," she repeated as she shut her eyes. "Let's put that aside."

"Fine," he couldn't help but grin all the more, she'd been making his life miserable the past six days, it was the least he could do to make her uncomfortable. "Why do you want to spend today with me so damn bad?"

"I don't know," she sighed as she lifted her cup to take her first sip, "I just figured since you don't have anyone to spend the day with and since I don't then…"

"This isn't a date, right?" he cringed.

"No," she retorted with a glare, "can't you be nice to me for once?"

"You're the one who came barging into _my_ life, why should I?" he countered cruelly, "for all I care, you can shove that precious necklace of yours down your throat."

Her fingers automatically glided up to her simple golden chain with a small matching cross, somehow instead of snapping and yelling at him like he had figured she would her eyes only softened on him, "you wouldn't want me to do that."

"Believe me, I kinda do."

She didn't reply to that, her eyes just moved down from his to his clothes. A red zip-up hoddie—one he apparently wore nearly every day—with a white shirt below it—another everyday occurrence—and a pair of rather worn jeans and sneakers. She got the feeling that if he could walk around barefoot, he would. If he made so little that _that's_ the type of thing he had to wear? Why'd he do what he did?

"I don't think I'm ever going to get married," she randomly muttered midway through their session, he had already finished his coffee while she was only half-way done with her tea.

It had been a while since she said anything and still her fingers refused to stop fiddling with her necklace. It had to be because of the day that she said that, the ever so 'romantic' time of the year it was meant to be, "then you'll die a virgin? That's a downer."

She rolled her eyes, "why's it always 'sex' with you?"

"Fine," he grunted, "then why do you think you'll never marry?"

She pressed her lips and shook her head before she let her gaze wonder up to the tall buildings that surrounded him.

Fine, if she didn't want to answer, he didn't care, "don't worry, life fucks us all so no one really dies a virgin."

"Crude, again," she murmured.

"It's true," he stated all the same.

"Life is not fair, if that's what you mean, then I agree."

"Really?" Suspicion coated his words bluntly as he narrowed his gaze on her. Miss Happy-Dappy didn't seem so pleased today, did it really bother her that much that she was boyfriend-less on the couples inclusive holiday? "Why do you say that? 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend?"

"No," she retorted as she looked back to him, "I could probably get a boyfriend if I really tried. I just say that because… well, isn't it obvious? Bad things happen to good people every day, how is that fair? Child are orphaned, good people get conned and lose everything, bad people get to become rich CEOs, lovers are separated and forgotten…"

"So then how can you believe in God if you know all that's true?"

"What does God have to do with any of it?" She replied a bit blankly, "he gave us free will, all the bad in the world is a consequence of that. I do not know if He has a plan for all of us and I wouldn't dare say I know how He works. So how can you?"

"Stupid girl," he sighed with a shake of his head, "were your parents catholic?"

"Yes."

"No wonder, you were brainwashed to believe all that," he muttered with a fold of his eyes.

"Even if that's true…" she finally let her fingers fall from her necklace, "I would rather have faith than be like you."

His brows furrowed in retaliation.

"I would rather believe there is more good than bad, I would rather believe that when life is over we will all find peace. It's important to me to believe in a blissful afterlife that makes up for any suffering we went through during our lives. I… I would be lost without faith; wouldn't life be empty if there was no heaven or hell? How miserable would it be if this was truly all there is? That once we die that's it, we're no more. I want to believe in a soul. It gives me peace."

"Too bad," he grumbled, "I'd rather think this is it."

"Why?"

If there was a heaven and hell, he'd be doomed to the latter. "Just 'cause."

"I have something for you," she chimed, completely changing the subject as she leaned over to pull out a small red square box from her purse and setting it on the table. "Seeing as you are one of the few males I know in Tokyo and this _is_ Valentine's Day, I figured I should give you chocolate. I know that it's better if girls make it ourselves but believe me, you don't want me cooking you anything."

Her laugh caught him just as off guard as the gift she slid him, chocolates. How long had it been since he got _chocolates_ from someone who wasn't a client? Not since… no, he didn't want to think about it.

He wanted those fading memories to finally disappear.

"Thanks…" he muttered regardless as he picked up the small container, "I'm not really a fan of sweets but… thanks anyway."

"Really?" Kagome awed, "but the way you bombard your coffee with sugar, I just thought…"

'Sugar', right, "no, it's alright. I… thanks," he didn't really know what else to say.

"You are welcome," she replied with her sweet smile that could make angel's sing. "I don't really have anything else for us to do… so, if you want, I could leave. You could be free from my 'nagging'."

His ambers moved from her to the red box, it was probably a real trick for her to give him it right then. He'd have to be a true bastard to tell her to get lost now… well, if it was a ploy, it worked.

"I don't want to be fixed… I don't want your help," he stated and she nodded as she slid her purse onto her shoulder, her eyes avoiding him all the while with the smallest of frowns, "but… if you swear you'll stop trying to clean my place, you can come around every now and then."

"Really?" She gleamed as her eyes snapped to him, "you mean it?"

"If you don't touch my stuff," he grunted, "then I'll allow it."

"OK, it's a deal," she laughed, "I'm so happy, thank you, Inuyasha!"

Somehow, he felt he was going to regret that decision… but for a moment, he allowed himself something akin to a happiness he hadn't felt in ages. Even a devil deserved a chance, right? Just one… what could go wrong?

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for all the reviews, they are wonderful :)  
I don't want to say it... I'd hate to ruin anything but I'm going to nevertheless, this story will become rather twisted, very, actually. So you've been warned.

_**Also, if you haven't taken the poll on my profile please do so, it's once again at a tie**_. It'll take you less than a minute and I'd be very grateful. Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy R&R. This has become my favorite story to right thus far, I'm so excited for it.


	4. Rampage

**{.x.o.} | R**_apture's _**R**_emorse_** | {.o.x.}  
{x| C**_hapter _4: **R**_ampage_ **|x} **

Glass broke the monochrome light into quivering hues to shine onto the pious pale skinned girl as she knelt in the cold chapel. Her dainty, delicate, hands were clasped together, her slender fingers interlaced, with her hazels long ago hidden behind lids. She could barely feel the diluted sunlight's warmth on her skin, she could barely hear anything in the quiet stone room but her most precious lullaby—the bump, bump of her beating heart.

"Amen," she whispered to herself before she made the sign of the cross, bowed her head, and got up enough to sit on the pew behind her. Slowly, she freed her hazels from the shifting darkness so she could see the beauty before her. The large red oak alter, the golden laced candles that decorated it, the simple wooden cross that hung proud just below the grand stain glassed window that depicted something of importance, she was sure, she just did not know what.

"Miss?"

Her head tilted to the side before her eyes moved from the multicolored window to the man wearing the proper bleak robes, a small smile raised her lips, "hello, Father."

"Oh," he smiled as he rested his hand on the pew before her to lean against it, "please, I'm merely a priest-in-training at this point, you needn't call me that. I am Miroku, and you?"

"Kagome," she greeted with a nod.

His violets wondered about her briefly before they met the hazels that seemed to smile up at him, "I've seen you here for Sunday mass every weekend for a while now, and you even show up on the Wednesday night ones as well. I see you here almost each night, on top of all of that, praying alone, you are very devout. I felt I should praise you for that," he confessed. Truly, how could he not have noticed such a beauty? Oh, the bane of his loins that always reminded him of his mortal desires. At times, it was almost too hard to push them away.

"Thank you, I like it here. It's quiet and I can think," she whispered while her eyes wondered back to the cross upon the wall right behind the ominous alter.

"I find that talking problems out tend to help," Miroku mused and instantly won her hazel gaze back.

"Am I that transparent?" She laughed lightly.

"I'm afraid so," he assured with a charming grin all his own, "I do not want to pry but… perhaps it might be of use to share?"

She licked her lips lightly prior to pressing them together while her fingers moved up to rub her most precious cross, "I don't know where to start…?"

"Wherever you'd like," he urged gently.

Wherever… when did it all start? She fixated on the dark, wavy, lines in the wooden pew before her while her mind tried it's best to short out what she meant to say. Sometimes those lines merged together to make the oddest faces, she was certain she could see a clown in it—wait, that's besides the point. "Um," she finally began, "I think… that promises are sacred. I think that no one should make them in less that have an intention of keeping them."

"I agree."

"I believe that no matter the circumstances, a promise must be kept. Whether it was made under duress… or when you're but a small child… or anything, you have to remember the promise and do everything in your power to keep it."

"I understand," he nodded along.

"You see…" oh, how was she supposed to explain everything to him? It was just too much, so she puffed out a sigh and tried to start over, "there's this boy…"

"Ah," Miroku grinned, "that makes sense."

"But it's not like that," she muttered as her head tilted to the side and her eyes met the ground. "I want to help him…"

"If he is in some sort of trouble, Kagome-sama, I believe it might be best to allow someone else to aid. You are just one person."

"He is in trouble," she assured as she wearily looked up to the still standing man, "but not like that. Here," she moved her hand down to her chest, right where her heart pulsed, "that's what's in trouble. He… but, it's hard to help someone when they don't want it. And, believe me, this boy is a stubborn one and refuses it. I think it's his pride but… with the way he lives, if no one is there for him… I'm afraid he'll just disappear one day."

"I see…" he mused, letting his gaze wash over the girl a few times before it moved to the altar, "that is quite the fix you have found yourself in. Is he a friend?"

"I'd like him to be."

"To me, it seems you have your heart in the right place," Miroku assured with a warm smile, earning her attention once more, "that's always what is most important."

"Miroku-sama," she murmured, he didn't really understand… how could he? She couldn't tell the whole tale, her hand clenched her necklace as she bit her bottom lip and furrowed her brows, "that's not true. I don't think it is. I want to help him but… my reasons are really selfish."

Just as she thought, his smile faded but his good cheer did not seem to leave his face all the same, "I don't believe that."

"With all due respect, Miroku-sama, you don't… have any way of knowing that."

"That's true," he admitted, "but I can't believe such a cute girl does not mean well. Even if you help him out of self-interested reasons, at least you are still helping, correct?"

"I suppose…"

"For now, allow that to be good enough, later, when you two are truly friends, I'm sure you will help him for him."

"Do you always put so much faith in strangers, Miroku-sama?" She inquired with a cock of her head and a weak smile.

"Only the pretty ones," he teased, it lightened his heart to hear a small giggle from her. "I must be going, would you be heading out by chance? I could walk you."

"No, thank you, I think I'm going to stay for a while longer," she decided.

They shared farewells and she waited patiently until the echo of the grand doors closing behind him had long disappeared from the world before she got up and walked across the room to the faultlessly carved wooden box. Her hand that never knew the hardship of labor couldn't find the strength to grasp the handle and open the door to the one place that might be able to give her peace, so she lifted her other up to aid. A breath in, a breath out, she shut her eyes as she walked in and knelt down to face the dark mesh that separated her from purity.

Hush took over for a while before she heard the click of the door opening and the shifting of fabric for someone to sit down and closing the door once more, sealing them to their own secret sanctuary.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned…" she whispered as she shut her eyes to allow the gloom that hid behind them to consume her.

"What is it, my child?"

To him, the elder Father who could not and _would_ not judge her, she could confess, "I killed someone, Father."

[…]

Done, finally, freedom was allowed to him as he walked out of the shitty little hotel and onto the equally crummy street. He tilted his head back as he rotated it around to try and free his neck from the crick that had lodged itself tightly in, some of the things that people made him do just went against physical common sense. Some stuff should not be tried, he was flexible but not _that_ flexible.

But he was paid more for the attempt so… he sighed as he opened his eyes; he knew his side of the city like the back of his hand. He didn't even need to look to be able to find his way home, to the red brick building that was his only safe haven from the rest of the world—and its inhabitants from him.

"What… are you doing here?" He muttered once he stepped off the final stair to his floor, right beside his door was a squatting Kagome, her eyes dully fixated on the grimy ground below her.

"You said I could still come around," she replied meekly as her eyes wondered up to his, "was that a lie?"

"How long… have you been waiting here?" he grunted before he yanked his keys out of his jeans.

"Not long," she lied as she stood up, "were you working?"

He just gave her a cruel side glance at that after he put the two different keys into the two different locks and banged against the door lightly to get it open, it was a little trick since it got jammed all the time.

"I've brought some stuff so I could make you lunch," she declared as she held up the plastic bag she had set on the ground. "I figured if I didn't you would never eat anything notorious."

"Keh, do as you want," he grumbled back. He'd never pass up free food, why start now? He let her in and locked up afterwards then plopped down the couch as she took over his kitchen. Silence was golden, to him in particular, but it had been absent from his life since she entered in three weeks ago. 'Yadda, yadda this' and 'blah, blah, that' consumed his world. She had continued to come around after V-Day, only once or twice had she caught him outside a hotel, and for the most part she knocked on the door over and over again in the wee hours of the morning. She'd bring him breakfast and update him on world affairs that he honestly couldn't care less about or call him up—she had stolen his number when he wasn't looking—and beg him to do this or that with her.

This was a first; he could close his eyes and almost fall asleep to the sound of her moving about in the kitchen. Hadn't she once told him the last thing he wanted was her to cook for him? Eh, bad food was better than no food.

"Food," she called out right before he could slipped into slumber.

Groggily, he got up to walk over to the counter.

"It's a… gourmet type of ramen, if you want call it that," she explained as she rested her elbow upon the counter top and her chin on her hand, "it's all I know how to make."

"Hey, that's fine," he assured, ramen was essentially what he lived off of, after all.

Hush overtook them as they ate… that just wasn't right. He couldn't help but let his eyes shift from the food he was quickly devouring to the oddly calm girl. Where'd all the giggling and relentless smiles go?

Why did it matter that they were gone?

"Hey," he muttered after he set his empty bowl down in his dirty-dish-filled sink, "what's up with you today?"

"Nothing."

"You are really… quiet."

"You're always saying I'm too loud."

"Is that it?" he didn't believe it; he knew the mild look of misery that was hidden behind the smile she tried to put on for him at that moment. Not everyone could be happy all the time, he reminded himself as he began to rub his shoulder, she was no different.

"What's wrong?" she questioned with a cocked brow, "does your neck hurt?"

"It's been bothering me all day," he groaned as he tried to revolve his shoulder to free the tension.

"Is it an occupational hazard?" There, that taunting tone was what he had come to expect from her. It wasn't judgmental, really, it was mocking—her way of reminding him that she didn't accept his choice of life.

"You could say that," he grinned back to her with a wink, "do you want me to show you how this happened?"

"Jeez," she huffed, "you are a pervert."

"It's my job."

She simply rolled her eyes at that before she grasped his wrist and yanked him over to the couch, "sit."

"I'm not a dog," he protested, purposely planting his feet in the ground to show that.

"Sit," she repeated as she pointed to the couch, "sit."

"Say it all ya' want, I'm not gonna do that."

"That's unfortunate," she frowned, "I was going to massage your shoulders but… if you don't sit I can't."

That got his ears to twitch as his mind ran wild. He wanted to feel her hands work away the knot in his neck, what other way did he have to get rid of it?

Liquid joy, duh, his throbbing need retorted. A larger douse than normal would make the pain go away, go to the bathroom, close the door, shoot the bliss into his system. Keep your pride, don't let her tame you.

Still… he grumbled and sat down. He closed his eyes when he felt the indent of her weight on the couch as she knelt behind him. Many people had touched him, massages were normal foreplay for those that paid him to put up with such nonsense but it was different this time… she was doing it for free, without any expectation of him returning the gesture. It wasn't without a hidden intention, he knew, she wanted to be 'friends' so she could 'help' him.

Why? He had yet to figure that out, was he just some charity project she wanted to work on? He was certain he had her figured out; she had to be from a well off family to be able to live in Tokyo all this time without a job. _Noblesse oblige _as they say, she felt she needed to help out the less fortune because she _was_. That was probably it, he was probably right, but why _him_?

His eyes fluttered shut as her fingers pried the knot out of his neck to move to his shoulders. It felt better than morphine… no, his inner devil protested, it didn't. Take her, now _that_ might feel better than morphine. His lids lifted at the very thought, he didn't want to do her. He didn't want to… she didn't want to do him, either. She wasn't human, though he knew she was, she was… other earthly. How could he dare taint her?

He didn't need to corrupt another pure—stop. Stop thinking, his better judgment ordered, your battered brain can't take it.

So he listened, and leaned into her touch some more. He could get used to her being around, if he _had_ to.

"What's wrong with you?" he muttered as he tilted his head to the side to subtly point out the next place for her fingers to fix.

"Nothing," she hummed.

"You are really quite today."

"We've been over this already," she reminded.

"I wanna know what's wrong."

"Does this mean," she awed mockingly as her hands withdrew from his skin, her eyes wide as he glared at her for ceasing, "that Inuyasha cares about my problems? Perhaps we're becoming friends?"

He cringed and turned his head away once more, "keh."

"Is that a 'yes'?" She teased as she tugged on his cheek, "that's cute, Inuyasha. Thank you for worrying—"

"As if, don't flatter yourself," there was no need to hide the small smile that etched its way up his lips at the sound of her laughing lightly behind him, she couldn't see it. That laugh… was precious; he didn't want to lose it…

… but she'd leave, like each night, and he'd inject the last bit of bliss he had left in the small bottle, just like he always did. She couldn't change that, he was certain about it as he fell back into his bed and let the numbness take him.

[…]

"I'm out of everything," he groaned to himself bitterly as pressed the button below the poorly written 'Onigumo' label. "Fuck me, this is gonna be expensive again."

For once, the mad mummy didn't use the intercom to question who it was—though, Inuyasha was aware he could easily tell from the camera he had installed at the door—but simply unlocked the door to allow it to pop open some. He caught it before it closed and headed up to the door he knew so well, "yo," he beckoned as he opened the door that shouldn't be unlocked, "Onigumo, I'm—"

"He's not here right now," an ominous chuckle declared. "He won't be coming back."

Inuyasha cocked a brow as his golden gaze moved over to the bedroom door where a tall man with ebony waves held up in a loose ponytail, his red mischievous eyes only accented his greedy grin. Not human, his nose told him, not all demons, it also said, but hanyou like you, it concluded. He didn't often come across another like him… truly, all the way like him, too. He could tell from the gleam in his crimson orbs that there was something sickly wrong with him, something that made his soul so very impure.

Just. Like. His.

"Who are you?" Inuyasha grumbled as he examined the man closer, he wore some purple eye shadow even. What a weirdo.

"I've taken over Onigumo's territory, if you used to be one of his clients than you are mine now. Tell me, what's your poison of choice?"

"Right… 'cause I'm just going to believe you aren't vice or something," he countered before he shoved his hands into his pocket.

"Do I look like someone who'd work for the cops?" The man inquired with a lopsided smirk, "if you don't want to do business with me, you'd have to go far to find someone that'd serve you. Good luck."

Fuck, he bit his lips together as he glanced around. He didn't want to be arrested again, but… damn, he needed some. He had to go all morning without a pick-me-up in his coffee; he couldn't go all day while he searched for another source. "Morphine and a bottle of Letum."

"Prescription shit," the man chuckled as he walked over to pull out his black bag and retrieve the two items, one a small clear bottle, the other a red bottle filled with loyal white pills. "You are Inuyasha, aren't you?"

His gaze narrowed swiftly on the man, asking the question he couldn't find to will to voice.

"I've been watching Onigumo's territory for a while now, I like to stalk my prey before… attacking," he held out the two bottles to the fellow hanyou, "I noticed you."

"Is that so?" he muttered as his eyes flickered down to the containers, wasn't he going to ask for payment first?

"Do you know how much this'll coast you?"

"Are your prices different than Onigumo's?"

"Very, and you'll find I have a monopoly in this area for quite a while," his voice seeped with venom; it even gave Inuyasha the shivers. "You'll have to pay my way, or head out of Tokyo to find your next fix."

"How much is this gonna coast?" he groaned, Onigumo's prices were already becoming too much, if this new guy's were even worse… would he be able to really afford it?

"Sixty-six hundred-thousand yen."

"Damn it! That's nearly double Onigumo's!"

"That's the joy of a monopoly, so do you have the money?" He danged the bottles around, winning the jittery hanyou's attention. The agony spewed across the hanyou's face only made him feel all the better, misery, it's what he lived for.

"No…" he didn't have that type of cash lying around; he'd have to do a few more jobs. Fuck, he _really_ needed it. How was he meant to sleep that night? How the hell was he supposed to get through the day on _just_ coffee?

He was going to die. There was no doubt to it. Life would leave his shaking body if he didn't get at least _one_ of those things now. "How much for just... the pills?"

"I can give you both right now," he retorted.

"I don't have that type of money," he grunted back, "so how much for one?"

"You know what else I've noticed about you?" The red eyed devil asked as he grasped the bottles in hand and dropped them in his pocket, "you have a pretty girl that follows you everywhere, she you're girlfriend?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he spat back maybe too quickly, no, it was too hasty, he could tell from the way the man's twisted grin grew.

"I told you, I like to _stalk_ my _prey_."

"Stay away from her," he demanded with a step forward, "or—"

"I'm not too interested in her at the moment," the monster assured. "I'll give you what you _need_ and in exchange you'll do everything I say for the rest of the day."

"Keh, _what_?"

"I know what your profession is," he stated and all fell into place.

_Oh_.

That for that, eh?

What difference would it make? He did it for money and he used that money for his addiction so why not just cut out the middle part… it wouldn't be different, right?

It'd be the same.

It would… that's why he didn't budge as the man walked across the room to unzip his red hoddie, that's why he didn't say a word as it fell to the ground, that's why he didn't protest when clothes were discarded, that's why he didn't care when he was told the man's name.

Naraku.

Or when the man told him to _memorize_ it because he owned him until sundown. Or when he taunted him with the knowledge that they'd be seeing a lot of each other. _A lot_.

But it _was_ different… he didn't have the power, he couldn't say 'no, I don't do that', _Naraku_ had what he needed more than money.

His body required the drugs just as bad as his soul did… that's why they both would have to simply deal with what was to come.

It's not like he's never had sex before… just not like _that_.

* * *

**A/N:** 660,000 yen about 730 USD, 480 pounds, 533 euros.


	5. Ruins

**{.x.o.} | R**_apture's _**R**_emorse_** | {.o.x.}  
{x| C**_hapter _5: **R**_uins_ **|x} **

Stumble, fumble, slip, grip, finally, the door opened only to be slammed shut, all clothes were discarded in a messy array until the haggard hanyou found the only other door in his entire studio and pushed it open with just as much haste as he did the prior bother. He was almost tripping all over his own feet until he reached the shower to turn the silver, lightly rushed, handle all the way on and way beyond were the red met the blue.

It came out like a sprinkler first, it'd be a while before it found a steady flow so he walked back to the doorway and rested his forehead on the wooden frame, grasping at both sides of the walls as he closed his eyes tightly. Air in, air out, breathing was important.

He clenched his fists before he slammed the wall on the inside of the bathroom over and over again, he muffled grunts until the wall cracked. Stop, his better judgment beckoned, like you need to punch a hole in the wall.

Too late.

"Fuck…" he whispered warn.

His ears twitched at the sound of the steam and steady current coming from the showerhead. He didn't even bother to spare the time to close the door before he leaped into the tub to feel the scorching fluid. It burned, it was like an arsenal of tiny flaming pellets slamming down on every part of him, but he preferred it. He wanted every millimeter of him that _he_ touched to wither in the heat. Cleanse… could the boiling water do that? He wouldn't be able to even take a lukewarm shower for days after this… he'd push his water heater however far it could go that night.

One? Just _one_ bar of soap? No, that wouldn't do.

It stung each open wound it touched, but it felt better than anything he had to deal with that day.

The pain made the thoughts dull…

When the water went cold it called for him to give up, that it was useless, he submitted to its will and turned it off, not even bothering with a towel as he skidded across the bathroom floor to find where his pants had gone.

He cursed when the bottle slipped in his hand, he cursed at the second it took him to find a syringe, he cursed at the shaking hand that took two tries to penetrate the bottle, he cursed as he drew in liquid one notch more than last time, then two, then three…

Too much? Maybe but when he sat on the edge of his bed and took a deep breath in, then out again, it only mattered if he could still breathe.

He could when he unloaded all the morphine into his veins.

He could when he fell back into the bed as the numbness started to take over.

He could when he stopped to appreciate—for but a fleeting moment—that Naraku was a genius, if that's how he'll always have to pay then he'll use more and go back… _more_. '_A lot_', the hideous hanyou had chuckled.

_Inu-kun!_

Echoed around inside his battered brain… where was she?

Speaking of 'she', Kagome hadn't called him all day; he hadn't seen her since midway yesterday. Both of those things were odd… where was she?

That was the last sensible thought he had before he closed his eyes to let his ruined system slow down more and more…

[…]

"Thank you for taking care of me," Kagome smiled the same way she always did as she straightened out her green turtleneck and brushed out the wrinkles of her brown skirt that ended right before the knees, next she had to put on her stockings once more.

"No, thank you for being such an easy patient," the mahogany eyed girl wearing pink and green scrubs sighed, "some are… well…"

"I understand," Kagome assured with a bit of a laugh as she slid off the white bed to go over to where her dark brown knee high leather boots where. "I'm a registered nurse, as well."

"Then you really must," the nurse giggled back, "I hope… that I won't be seeing too much of you, Kagome-san."

She knew she meant well so she just turned to shine another smile, "thank you, Sango-san."

"Good bye," Sango waved before she left the room, almost bumping into one of the doctors in the process, "sorry, Suikotsu-sensei, is it?"

"Yes, do not worry about a thing, Sango-san," the man lightly grinned back before he stepped aside to allow the hurried nurse out.

"We're lucky to have someone with your accreditations transfer here," she gleamed before walking off to check on her next patient.

"Thank you," he said all the same, he had to take a breath to work up the will to step into the mundane room all the way, "I see you are… leaving, Kagome-san."

"Yes," she whispered as her eyes flickered away from him, "thank you for taking care of me, Suikotsu-sensei."

"Not at all," he replied warmly, his wavering beige eyes wondering anywhere but at her until he took a breath in and looked down at the chart in hand, "everything… looks good. You will be… fine."

His words were feeble, difficult to say, but he meant well, oh so well, and that's why it broke the heart that beat inside her chambers to look up and see his eyes on her. Locked on her with a subtle sadness, that look… how she hated _that_ look. Anyone could look at her anyway but _that_ way, it tore her apart inside; she felt tears threaten to trickle free. That's why she hastily looked away and took a rushed breath in to blink away the warm water.

Her tears were no longer cleansing, no longer comforting, no longer…

"I hope you succeed in all your endeavors, Kagome-san," he bowed his head slightly, breaking whatever self-restraint she had as he turned around to walk out the room.

A tear or two slipped down her cheeks as her fingers moved from fiddling with her necklace to the bothersome, always ever so tricky to get off, white, plastic, band on her wrist. She'd tear it off as soon as she found a pair of scissors.

[…]

It tickled… whatever that light touch that kept brushing upon his forehead was. A mumbled something kept calling out to him over and over until he grumbled and opened his eyes to the haze above him. A familiar foggy figure was there looming over him, he opened his mouth to say her name when he heard what she had been saying to him all the while.

"Inuyasha?"

He blinked a few more times before he could focus on the girl, oh, "Kagome?"

"Thank the Lord," she pressed her lips together before she leaned over him some more, a stream of water made a path down a cheek, "I was _so_ worried!"

"How'd…?" he swallowed as he lifted the back of his hand to his forehead, "you get in?"

"The door was unlocked."

"It shouldn't have been…"

"I agree, it's dangerous to not lock up," she retorted as her hazels washed over him about a thousand times, "are you OK? What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" he muttered as he lifted his hand up to whip away the tear, "are you crying for me?" When was the last time that happened? Only two people had ever shed tears for him, and one was his mother so that simply did not count.

"I was really worried… You sound groggy," she frowned as she lifted her hand to touch his, "what happened?"

"Don't cry," he requested as he let his hand slid down her cheek and back to the bed.

"What happened?" She emphasized as she pushed off the bed to look about, a bump at her feet caught her attention, slowly she looked down to her feet and eyes widened, "what the…?"

"What the…?" He muttered back as he watched her bend down and snap up to look at the bottle.

"How much of this did you take?" she hissed, "Inuyasha! Answer me!"

"However much is gone," he murmured back as he rubbed his temples, the numbness was still streaming through his system. What bliss, he never had it last so long. The second the sun went down he was out of _there_ and returned to his home, to shower for about an hour, and then knock himself out with maybe a _little_ too much liquid joy. Now the sun was shining through in strays from the curtains, it lasted all night.

"Oh my! Inuyasha!" she gasped as she set the bottle down and knelt back on the bed to look at him, "I'm calling an ambulance, just hang in—!"

"Shut up," he grunted as he closed his eyes tightly, "I'm fine. Don't do that."

"No way, you have to have overdosed, please let me—!"

"I'm fucking fine," he assured as his hand slid down his face to pry open his eyes, it bothered him more than he thought it would to see the utter worry in her eyes, "I. Am. Fine."

"You better be," she mumbled as she bit her bottom lip.

"Where've you been?"

He didn't sound so fine; he didn't seem terrible, though, so she wouldn't listen to her conscious and call an ambulance. He just appeared… dazed, why did he need to take so much? Why _morphine_? Why couldn't she help him? What use was she…?

"Did you miss me?" She managed to tease with a frail smile.

"Keh," he huffed before he slowly pushed himself off the bed to sit up. His skin was dry but still hot so the breeze felt brilliant—wait, what? He forced his eyes all the way open to see he had slept on top of his sheets and in the same state he always had—_nude_. "Fuck," just like that, he grasped the sheet that was placed upon his groins.

"You were naked when I found you," Kagome sped as she turned around to cup her colored cheeks, "I… I… found the blanket and threw it over you... I've never seen a… a…"

"You've never seen a dick before?" Inuyasha inquired with a cocked brow, the way she cringed at that was answer in itself, "seriously?"

"Shut up," she whispered harshly, "you are _so_ crude."

"How _old_ are you? You're a nurse and still have never seen a dick before?" Inuyasha teased with a silent chuckle.

She spun around to look at him sourly, "I'll have you know I'll never get that image out of my head now! It's scarred in there!"

"I've heard that before," he grinned.

Her eyes only bulged all the more before she stood up and clenched her fists, fully prepared to shout but in an instant she loosened up, any fury disappeared, and her softened eyes locked onto his body, "what happened…? I was so worried… I thought you were dead at first."

That got him, he bent his brows and felt a pang in his chest, she looked like she was about to cry again. He couldn't take that. He hated to see women cry… he lifted a hand to skim over his tattered skin—cuts, bruises, and some scorches. "I got in a fight, it happens. Don't worry about it and for the love of God _don't_ cry."

She pouted as she crossed her arms, "you got in a fight? What type of fight includes a _bite_ mark?"

He cringed at that as his hand shot up to his left shoulder, that… _that_ he remembered vividly. "I got in a fight with a few people at once, a gang, alright? This neighborhood isn't safe, ya' know, you really shouldn't walk around it. You are a cute girl, you're gonna get raped."

"Stop that," she groaned as she began to walk about the room, "look at all this! It's like a hurricane came through here! Look at all these dirty clothes."

"Don't touch them," he demanded staunchly as soon as she picked up the red hoodie that was forever tainted. "Don't touch any of it!"

"There's blood on this stuff," she sighed after she dropped it, "is it what you were wearing when you got into a fight?"

"Yeah," something like that, he just wanted to burn them, all of them… _all_.

She shut her eyes tightly when she looked back at him, "please put some clothes on!"

"This is _my_ place, you randomly came in without permission," he retorted.

"Fine," she scoffed as she stomped over to the door, "you better be alright, Inuyasha! Or I won't forgive you!"

"I _am_, I'm a hanyou, woman, I can take more shit than mortals can," a _lot_ more just like his new hanyou 'friend' could.

A sigh left her lips as she opened the door, "don't get into any more fights, please?"

"Whatever," he muttered as he turned his head only to hear her boots click on the hallway floor, "wait!"

"What?" She stepped back into his apartment to look over at him as he got off the bed _just_ in time to see the blanket fall, her eyes widened before she could shut them and shriek, "I didn't want to see that again!"

"All guys have dicks, get over it! I can't believe you've never seen one!"

"I'm going to have nightmares now! They are so nasty looking!"

He groaned as he pulled on boxers and a pair of jeans, "keh, weird girl, I'm going to walk you out of the neighborhood, alright?" He had to go to work anyway; he might as well make sure she safely gets out of his neck of the woods.

"Aw, are you worried about me?" She taunted as he slid on a white t-shirt and grabbed a different, yet very similar, red hoddie and a pair of socks. "So why are you walking me out?"

"'Cause it's dangerous, someone's gonna wanna rape you."

"Why do you think someone's going to rape me all of a sudden?" She hissed as he locked up and let his keys drop in his pocket before they headed down the stairs. "I understand that I might get mugged. Why does everything have to do with sex?"

"Fine," he scoffed once they were out on the sidewalk, "you're going to get mugged and raped."

"Oh my gosh, Inuyasha!" She groaned as she threw her head back, "you are so weird."

His hands wondered around his pockets while they kept on, he stopped and glanced back at his fading building.

"What's wrong, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked as she turned to look at him.

"I forgot something," he could _not_ go a day without either of his needs. He paid a hefty price for those things and he _needed_ them. He couldn't go a day, not after yesterday, without popping a few pills.

"You forgot your 'stuff'," she muttered, "I refuse to go back there so you can get it."

"Then you'll have to walk the rest of the way by yourself," he scoffed as he slowly took a few steps back. Go back, get his much needed friends, or stay and make sure she's safe… His eyes were pinned to the pissy girl who had a stubborn pout upon her lips. She's always been safe before each time she came to visit… why would this time be any different?

A flash of the day before came to mind, stiffening his entity, shivering his unsettled soul.

No… no, he couldn't leave Kagome alone, not now, not in his neighborhood. He had to walk her out of it, at least, to the train station or wherever it was she came from.

"Fine," she scowled, "I will."

Then again… his gut twisted with guilt as he took another step away. He couldn't go a day without his medication, not after yesterday. He needed them more now. It's not like he really had any obligation to her, he didn't know her, and he didn't have any reason to have such a protective personality over _her_.

"Fine," he grunted before he was gone. She'd be alright; she hadn't been harmed since she started to come around. She was not naïve, she knew the dangers of the world, that's why she kept a taser and mace in her purse at all times. She could handle herself… she only wished he could take care of himself.

[…]

"Greetings," Kagura cooed as she crossed her legs so he couldn't see up her skirt when she leaped up to sit on his desk, "how are you today, my favorite boy-toy?"

"I don't feel like doing our little dance today," Inuyasha muttered as he leaned against her door, "just tell me when, where, and for how long."

"Tsk, tsk, what's with this attitude?" She pouted with a wag of her finger, "today you get to see your most _favorite_ patriot, my dear Inu-kun."

"I told you never to call me that," he spat back, pushing his hands deeper in his hoodie pocket all the while. He could already feel his stomach turn again, was it because he swallowed two pills on the way over on an empty stomach or the prospect of meeting with his 'favorite' patriot? Both, but mostly the latter, he was sure.

Or could it be the fact that he left Kagome all defenseless and alone…? No. She's fine. She's probably fine… most likely. She's gotta be.

"Hurry, hurry," she coaxed with a wave, "you have to rush to Red Roses to see another client right afterwards. You're a busy boy today,_ Inuyasha_."

"Great," he grunted as he yanked open the door. Maybe if he's busy he'll get enough money to _pay_ for the next douse of drugs? Yeah, he'd _really_ like that.

Sadistic was the only word he could label the dealer hanyou as, well, sadistic and _sick._ They might be the same, they might both be half-and-half, and they might even have the same affliction burning at their soul but what corrupt him was so different than _that_ guy… he was dark, thru and thru, who enjoyed the taste of blood like that? That man—no, monster—was a fucking sociopath. He didn't really want sex, though he was deeply aroused by all he did, he just wanted a toy to tear apart for a day. Who would do… no, he shook his head as soon as he stepped in front of the corny love hotel that he always met his patriot in, _Seven Stars_.

He sighed when he began off to the same room as always, when he got in his money was on the desk and the shower was already going. His client knew the gig, at least this time he could say 'I don't do this and I don't do that'. He frowned all the while as he counted the cash and shoved it into his pocket.

"Shin-kun!" A frilly voice sung out from the shower, "is that you?!"

"Yeah," he grunted back.

"I'm so excited! It's been too long!"

"Yeah," he muttered once more as he glanced over to the bathroom after he heard the shower stop. He wasn't surprised at all to see the ever so feminine looking man step out in full bare skinned pride.

"What?" he frowned, "why are your clothes still on? Do you want me to take them off for you?" The very idea sent glimmers to the man's black with shimmers of purple eyes.

"I can do it my—" but he didn't get the chance to finish that before he was jumped and tackled upon the ground, "stop! Hey! Jakotsu!" Alas, his protests were futile, he didn't ever expect the man to listen o him anymore.

"There we go! Better!" Jakotsu chimed as he opened his eyes, automatically his good cheer vanished, "what happened here?"

Fuck, he knew that the bruises and such would be a problem for a day or two. If getting into a fight worked on Kagome, it'd work on dimwitted Jakotsu, too, "you see—"

"I know what happened," Jakotsu grinned with mischief in his gaze as he leaned closer to the hanyou, "you are kinky when you're with whoever it is you screw for free, aren't you?"

"Yeah, sure," he muttered, he'd go with that.

"Great!" Jakotsu shouted as he jumped up and over to his folded pants, "then let's do things different this time, come on, it'll be fun!"

His eyes twitched some as he warily looked at the belt that Jakotsu pried from his pile of clothes, "you are not whipping me, Jakotsu!"

"Whipping you?" He chuckled, "no, of course not," he winked as he narrowed his determined gaze upon his prey, "just bind you to the bed."

"I don't know about that…" Inuyasha mumbled as his eyes wondered from the belt to Jakotsu's face. It wasn't that he had anything against Jakotsu's persuasion, he obviously did not care enough to reject male offers, and it wasn't like it made a difference to him. When he was with a woman that was paying or if it was a man, what'd it matter? Personally, he only found woman attractive but a lot of guys would pay more. He didn't take a lot of offers but Jakotsu had been persistent and… he paid a _lot_.

Generally, he was fine it was just his… freakish obsession over him that unnerved Inuyasha.

"Shin-kun!" Jakotsu shouted as he leaped onto his prey, "would you rather tie me to the bed?"

[…]

"Inuyasha?" Kagome whispered as she pocked her head into his studio, really, in the little more than three weeks that she knew him he'd never left his door unlocked, now he had twice? Two days in a row? Was he in that much of a rush? Where'd his mind go? "Are you here?"

Apparently not, the silence told her as she walked in and at least locked one of the bolts so that no one would try and break in or something while she was there. It was _such_ a mess, clothes were scattered everywhere, really, and it killed her not to be able to clean it up. Maybe… just a little? Just putting the clothes into one pile would be alright, he couldn't get that mad, could he?

She avoided the clothes he must have been wearing while he got into a fight until the very end, there wasn't too much blood but there was enough that her stomach sank. Poor Inuyasha, her mind whispered as she set them on the neat pile she had started beside his closet. "Are you kidding me?" She whispered, she just peeked into the closet—_that_ was where he hid all his dirty clothes apparently. "This guy is a disaster," she groaned as she opened it. She needed to do laundry for him; the basement of the complex probably had a few machines. Hopefully.

After she cleaned out the bottom of it she found a bin that could hold maybe a third of his mess, that was a start, "ouch," she muttered while her hand flew up to her head, she completely forgot about the top shelf when she stood up. "Ow," she groaned again once a box fell onto her head, really? That just wasn't fair; sure she could be klutzy but two bunks in the head? As if she hadn't dealt with enough from her visit to...

What was it? A simple shoe box, did he horde that type of thing? Did he just never throw it away; she opened the lid to make sure it didn't hold anything. Her hazels widened at the sight within, photos, letters, and a purple bead and white clawed necklace that looked like something a primary school student created. A smile lifted her lips as she shifted through the photos of a little Inuyasha, he was just too adorable, and a girl just a bit smaller than him. So he was sort of the semimetal type, was he? That brought joy to her heart until… she ended up on a teenage Inuyasha half standing behind a girl maybe a year or so younger than him, his arm around her neck and a grin on his cocky lips.

She hadn't seen him smile, _truly_ smile, like that, but that wasn't what executed the warm feeling within her.

The girl was… beautiful, even bangs, brown hair held up in a ponytail, and the most subtle of sweet smiles upon her lips as she let her chocolates eyes move over to Inuyasha. It looked like they were about to laugh at something… all the other photos of that girl were equally joy filled.

[…]

"You were most certainly not at your best today, Shin," Kaguya pointed out as she slipped on her dress.

"I've been really busy lately, a'ight?" He bickered back as he wiggled around to pull his pants on, "I'm so tired of it, I need a break," but he couldn't afford one, not now. Never again with Naraku in the picture… he'd have to work more so he'd never have to real-live that nightmare. His pride was wounded more than his flesh; he feared it'd disappear all together if he had to go through it once more…

"It's very sad when one becomes sick of sex," Kaguya laughed.

"I'm not sick of sex, I'm just sick of the people I have to have sex with," he muttered quickly adding, "expect for you, of course."

"Of course," she retorted with a grin, "so you missed me terribly while I was away?"

"Terribly," he assured with a nod, "though, you weren't gone that long."

"I was gone for three weeks, Shin," she gawked, placing her hands on her hips to emphasize the scowl on her face, "how rude of you not to notice."

"Really? Three?" Three went by so quickly, time usually dragged out and torment him, what was so different about the past—ha, as if he really had to think. Kagome. She was the difference.

She shook her head with a sigh before she headed off to freshen up in the bathroom, leaving the door open so they're conversation wouldn't need to cease, "you know what you should do, Shin?"

"Tell me," he grumbled, dear Kaguya always had to give her opinion even when it wasn't needed. Still, he'd never tell her to shut up. She was the most considerate and well-mannered client he had, she even ordered room service so he could have a cup of fresh coffee after everything was said and done. He had crushed a pill after his ordeal with Jakotsu and was more than ready to use it in his coffee, sip once, and through another in his mouth. A whole one, it probably wouldn't be that bad too do so many around the same time… right?

"You need to find someone that you enjoy having sex with, willingly, for _free_, and then you'll get your enthusiasm back."

"Ah, right, because it's so easy for someone like me to find someone that _wants_ to do it for free. It's not like I hide my profession well," he scoffed back.

"You'll find someone," she assured as she stepped out to watch him take his final sip, "Shin, tell me… well, actually, don't," it was another reason he loved her, well, not literally, but still, she never asked him anything. Even when she wanted to, she bit her tongue. "Let me say this instead," she coaxed until he looked over to him, "it's one thing to do what you do for money, it's another to do… something similar for something else," her eyes wondered about his battered body to emphasize the point before they landed on his cup of empty coffee. "You should also beware of how much 'medicine' you take and how often you mix the two completely different types."

"Aw," he jested with a grin, "Kaguya, how cute, you care."

"Oh, haha," she mocked back, "I've said it before, I'll say it again, I would truly hate to have to find a new boy-toy. If you make me do so, say, because you die from ODing or get murder on whatever it is your little side project is, I will not forgive you."

"Thank you, Kaguya," he replied, her tone was so even with her threat that it unsettled him more than if she had an emotion hidden behind it.

"I'm absolutely serious," she stated once more, firmly.

"I know you are," for a moment he dropped the act and let his eyes meet her deep blues with complete candor.

He could do that every once and a while, for those he trusted.

"Wait," Kaguya called out before he could get the door all the way opened, he turned around just in time to feel her hands slip into his pocket.

"Really? Again, Kaguya?" he taunted.

"No, silly boy, I just gave you my work card," she whispered into his ear, "if you want to change jobs, call me, I might be able to help you."

"Now, is that really a good idea?" That was taking it step beyond what he thought they had agreed, her work card meant he had _her_ number. No one had his, everyone had Kagura's office, and he didn't want any of his client's… but maybe, since it was Kaguya, it'd be OK?

"I don't know yet," she replied as she pulled away, "I felt like doing a spur-of-the-moment type of deal, I don't usually, so I'm eager to see how this turns out."

"As always," he smiled as he opened the door, "you're weird."

"As if you are one to talk," she teased back before he vanished behind finally polished mahogany wood.

[…]

His forehead met his front door; 'fuck my life' was his new motto. He was warn, two in one day, especially _those_ two, was far too much. Behind his lids, in the dark world that he adored so, he could relax some as he pulled out his keys to unlock the bolts then turn the knob, that didn't work. He hit his body to the door, that failed, too.

"What the fuck?" he hissed and fumbled about until he found t he right combination of which lock should remain open and which should not, with a swift hit in the door he was stumbling into his place. Did he honestly forget to lock one of them? How could he be so stupid?

"Are you alright?" Kagome inquired, she had to press he lips to keep from laughing at the way he jumped.

"What the hell are you doing here? How'd you get in?" He snapped.

"You left the door unlocked; _again_, what's wrong with you?"

Did he really do that? He was in such a rush when he ran back to get his bottle that… how stupid was he? "What the _fuck_ you doing?" He growled the moment his golden gaze locked onto what her hands held, he was over and snatching the photos away before she could register his movements.

"Sorry, I was cleaning and it just fell…" she murmured as her eyes wondered down the box he was hurriedly shutting and shoving away on the top self in the closet.

"You nosey little bitch, what part of stay out of my stuff didn't you get?"

"Jeez, can you be a bigger jerk about it?" She retorted as she placed her hands firmly on her hips, "I'm sorry, alright?"

"No, not alright," he grunted back, "get out, now."

"You are in a foul mood tonight."

"Get out!"

She took a step back on that one, she couldn't help it, she really, _really_ shouldn't, honestly she was sure he was pissed off enough as it was—maybe even feeling a little betrayed from the invasion on his personal space? But… but, she was a fool, she had to ask, "who was the brunet girl in the photos?"

"Fuck you, and leave," he hissed as he slammed his closet shut.

"Inuyasha," she sighed, "I'm really sorry, please, don't be so mad," she requested in a bit of a whiny tone as she followed him around the studio, "please, please, please—!"

"Stop!" He shouted as he spun around, stopping all at once only for her to walk into him.

"Sorry," she whispered as she stepped away, her eyes upon the scoffed up floor, "I am really sorry… please don't be mad."

If only she didn't pout like that, if only she didn't have those big brown eyes, if only she didn't sound so sincere he could keep yelling at her but instead he grumbled a sigh and stiffly unhooked his clenched fists, "fine..."

She didn't move as he stepped away then past her to go back over to the mound of clothes right next to the closet and kneel down, a photo had slipped. He hated pictures, he sometimes he thought burning away all the memories would make them really go away but each time he lifted one above a flame he couldn't. Just singeing the ends of any of them felt like a knife in the heart.

God, he remembered those awful school uniforms. He detested them, he was awful about wearing them properly but she would always do his tie and straighten his jacket. She looked like she was about to laugh in the photo, how precious… it was then that he felt Kagome over his shoulder, "you wanna know who she is?"

She bit her bottom lip and nodded, knowing full well he couldn't see the gesture.

"Hayashi Kikyou," he whispered as he lifted the photo to his chest.

"She's pretty…" Kagome mumbled.

"Very."

Was that all he was going to say? She supposed that was better than nothing so she patted him on the top of his head since he was still scouting, "thank you for telling me, Inuyasha."

"I'm not a dog," he grumbled as he stood up to put the photo away, "do… do you want to know the rest?"

"Would you… tell me the rest?" She questioned, her hazels fixed on his every movement until he turned around to look her straight in the eye for just a moment before fixating on the wall to his right.

"I'm a bastard. My mom had an affair with a married demon… I'm iffy on the details of the whole thing but he didn't leave his wife and she choice to have me alone. When I was still really little, not even two, she remarried this," he shook his head and pressed his lips before continuing, "anyway, shortly after… she had Kikyou."

She mulled over his starch expression before she asked in a hush, "so you're half-siblings?" A nod was all she got in return, "where… is she now?" How cruel, she shouldn't have asked, what was wrong with her? How could she spark such a tinge in his eyes? She bit her bottom lip, her heart nearly broke from seeing him like that.

"I…" he meekly started before he bent his brows together and looked to the floor, "I don't know… she just… left."

Leaving him all alone to pick up the pieces she abandon in utter ruins.

* * *

**A/N:** So, anyone see that coming? Yes? No? Maybe so? Well, I'm having fun. So I hope you are, too.

I'm also aware that there are probably quite a few people that dislike shounen-ai/yaoi/etc but my motto is 'to each their own' so just keep it to yourself, please & thank you.

Thank you all that have reviewed, I really, really appreciate it. And thank you to all that have taken my poll on my profile. You are my favorite readers for certain :)


	6. Rain

**{.x.o.} | R**_apture's _**R**_emorse_** | {.o.x.}  
{x| C**_hapter _6: **R**_ain_ **|x} **

Stiff was the only word that could properly describe him, _every_ bit of him at that. From head to toe and even his certain region began to stir but he wouldn't register that, he was like a wooden post with a flower flourished vine around him. She smelled wondrous, he didn't notice until she abruptly broke him out of his miserable thoughts by wrapping her arms around him. He couldn't return the gesture, he didn't want to… probably; all in all he was still trying to register it.

Why was she _hugging_ him?

"K… Kagome?"

Reluctantly she pried open her eyes, she knew what she was doing and had every intention of making that agony that was so clearly spewed across his face go away. It was her fault it was there, if only she had not asked, "sorry," she whispered all the same as she let his hands slip down him and took a step away. He obviously was not used to such actions; he didn't relax until she began to walk over to fetch her shoes.

He meant to ask if she was really leaving but his tongue was even tense, she spoke instead, "so, sadomasochism is something you do, too? I really wish you wouldn't…" as if what he did wasn't bad enough as is, he could catch a disease, and already met the weirdest people she was sure but to go _that_ far surely meant that he meant dangerous people, too.

"What?" He inquired in a rather high pitched tone, which he tried to get rid of with a cough.

"S and M," she simplified as she strapped her boots on and looked up to him, he just had a cocked brow, "the ligature marks on your wrists, Inuyasha."

"So… you've never seen a dick but you know what S and M is?" he jested only to receive the coldest stare from her, "I don't."

"Just got into another fight, then?" she muttered, not a bit of her believed him while she opened the door, "I really wish you'd stay out of trouble."

"Hey! It's dark outside, you can't go out by yourself," was she really that stupid? Maybe, just _maybe_ his block was semi-safe when the sunshine was there to keep the thieves and other low lives from acting out too much in case they were seen but now that it was night there was little to stop anyone from leaping out at a pretty girl.

Though, there was really only _one_ person he was worried about snatching her…

"I don't get why you are so concerned all of a sudden," she sighed but she waited for him to slide back on his shoes and close the door behind them all the same. If he cared enough to walk her out then she wasn't about to complain, at least, not _too_ much. "Don't forget to lock up this time."

"I got it," he grunted back as he did just that.

"Hopefully you have your 'stuff' so you don't have to—"

"Shut up," he grumbled before he shoved his hands deep into his pocket. A part of him still regretted that, but she was alright after all so what did it matter? He had his pills in his pocket and he was just going to walk her off to… wherever it was she came from and then come back. It wouldn't be that long and he had already taken more than he should have that day, he'd be fine.

"You are so rude," she scoffed, "I'm just trying to help."

"You're just trying to be annoying," he countered; a grin cascaded across his façade as he opened the door to the complex only to let it go in her face.

"Jerk," she muttered. It was the first time that she stayed long enough to see what his area looked like at night, almost every other streetlight was dead and for a moment she allowed herself to feel ever so grateful that Inuyasha had decided to walk her. Even with a taser and a thing of mace, she wouldn't have felt safe all by herself.

"Where?" She barely heard.

"Huh?"

"Where are we going?" he repeated as he turned around to look at her, he always saw her head west out of his place but that was all he knew.

Truly, he knew nothing about her.

"This way," she pointed and he nodded to let her go in the lead, still her meek pride demanded she at least say, "I can take care of myself. You don't have to walk me all the way."

"Keh, if you don't want me to know where you live, just say so," he grumbled. He lived in a shitty area, he had a less than prestigious job, and he was a bit more than just obsessed with a few prescription medications so why would she want him to know? Not that he had any intention of figuring that out, it was probably in her best interest he didn't know, "I'm just going to take you to the train station or something."

"Inuyasha," she snapped as she spun around to fold her arms promptly under her bosom and narrow her hazels.

"What?" he snickered back with a raised brow, stopping not too far from her. It was unnerving even to him to have her stand there so rigidly before she twirled around and stepped out in the street to stick her hand up in the air. That was some gift she had, how many people can do that and get a cab to stop by her right away?

"Come here," she demanded as she slid into the car, "now!"

"I don't want to," he grumbled as he leaned against the cab door, "see ya'."

"Get in," she protested as she snatched his shirt and yanked with all his might, lucky for her he was leaning on one foot more so than the other so he was easy to catch off balance. "To the closet train station please."

"I told you I don't want to go with you," he kept up as she leaned over to shut the door and let the cab driver start. He couldn't help but stiffen at the feeling of her hand on his upper thigh, it was just to support her so she could grasp the knob of the door but...

"No, you just insulted me," she stated stiffly.

"I don't care where you live!"

"Shut up! You are coming to see my place and that is that!"

Wow, who would have thought such a tiny thing could sound so authoritative? He grumbled and mumbled and cursed here and there but she won… he'd go. She paid the cab fee but they both had a pass so they could get onto line E. Rush hour had started so they had to squeeze into the area, she had her back to the window as she grasped one of the poles and he faced her as he grasped the bar above her head. The more stops, the closer they were forced together.

It was infuriating, she only reached his nose, _just_ there, so he each time he breathed in he could smell her citrus shampoo. Every now and then they'd catch the one chancing a glance at the other, why'd his heart speed up each time their gaze locked on the rid? Yeah, he'd taken too much uppers, that's all…

She was kind, caring, cute, and far too good to be true. Why was she so determined to help him? Good things didn't happen to him, what occurred between him and Naraku… now, _that's_ what fate threw in his path. Not something that's worth cherishing, not someone like Kagome.

He didn't deserve that, he didn't want to ruin her.

God, her scent was grand, he had to shut his eyes to appreciate it all the more.

"Next stop, Chiba," the awfully perky robotic voice chimed.

"That's us," Kagome whispered, forcing him to open his eyes. Thirty minutes was far too long, why'd she bother with such a ride? Just… to see him?

"My place isn't that far," she assured as they walked out of the station and onto the sidewalk, she nodded her head and he followed without another word. Shortly after getting out of the shop clustered narrow streets they ended up in the equally poorly spaced residential area with houses only a mere few meters between the two, all of them were relatively traditional appearing. Over a bridge above a cannel, up a set of stairs only to end at a home? It was odd to think that she had a house all to herself, then again, what made him so certain she lived alone?

Then again, if she lived with family why would she want to introduce him?

"Home sweet home," she joked as she unlocked the door and stepped in to release her feet from the boots and step up onto the wooden floor.

"Is this your place?"

"Yep," she sung as she leaned against the stair railing, "it looks big from the outside but once you come it's pretty small, but I like it. It's cozy."

"You live all by yourself?" He asked with a lifted brow as his golden gaze glanced around, there was plenty of old furniture, boxes, and the place looked a bit run down but it was old and to be expected.

"Yep."

"Really?" His stare snapped back on her. That was it, he was certain she _had_ to be from money. Not only did she live alone in an actual home in Chiba but she didn't appear to have a job and had plenty of money to spare on a cab. What was he to her? Just a hobby?

"Mmhm," she nodded, "there's the kitchen and living room down here and two rooms upstairs, it's really nice."

He meant to pay attention and maybe even follow her as she started to show him a tour of her place, starting with going to his left and to the kitchen but he ended up in the living room to his right, it was small, not enough room for a couch but a kotatsu could fit, that had plenty of books spewed across it, a TV, some shelves filled with this and that, and—what caught his eye to start out with—the whole back wall held a shrine. A traditional memorial to deceased loved ones.

Now _that_ was surely out of place, if he didn't see a bible on the kotastu he would have doubted her piousness.

"Hey, where did you go?" He vaguely heard Kagome question but she fell silent when her feet meet the matted floor of the living room.

"Why do you have this?" He murmured as he knelt down before it to see the picture in the center, all three of the faces were smiling; two were in their mid-thirties to early forties and a little boasting boy of maybe ten.

"My grandpa, my mother converted to Catholicism when she went off to college but grandpa is still a traditionalist, it's nice to have it, too," she whispered as she knelt before it to let her eyes fixate on the photo he did. "I'm not praising false idols or anything; to me it's just a reminder."

"Are they…?"

"My parents and only sibling," she spoke in such a hush that he wouldn't have caught it if not for his superb hearing.

They're… dead. So, she was more than just alone in the home… he glanced over to her, his eyes asking the question he dare not.

She smiled weakly before she placed her hand on the shrine, "when I was little, fourteen, I was in the hospital for a week in Nikko. My parents decided to come visit me one night 'cause I was scared of the dark still," her smile faltered until it faded all the way, "it was _pouring_ that night and they were driving by a reservoir... the road was narrow… like they all are and a truck hit them, sending them into the… they weren't able to get out of the car before the water swelled around it. They were coming to see me…"

"It's not your fault," he felt the need to urge, it brought him some diluted joy to see her curl her lips up lightly for his effort.

"I know," she choked all the same as she withdrew her hand and took a deep breath, "I stopped blaming myself about it a long time ago. My grandpa raised me afterwards. I was lucky I had him still and he's going to live to be a hundred and ten, I swear, he's in such good health," she tried her best to kid, to smile more, but it didn't work, not on him.

"How can you believe in God when something like that happened to you? When 'He' took everything from you?"

Her brows swiftly furrowed as she raised her hand to clench the cross that always graced her neck, "what does God have to do with it? The only thing he did was give everyone free will; I believe that's what's at fault. It was my parent's decision to try and see me that night, even though they knew it was raining; it was the truck driver's choice not to pull over and take a nap when he knew he was falling asleep. I think it's pathetic when people blame God for all their problems; it's the easy way out. 'Oh, boo hoo, something bad happened, it's God's fault, why's he so mean?' That's what cowards say, and then they're mad the rest of their life instead of accepting what happened. People… people need to take responsibility for their actions."

"It's hard for you to do that, isn't it?" He didn't know why he felt the need to say that but the way she faltered while giving her obviously well planned speech didn't seem right. Sure, it was easy to say 'I don't blame –insert supreme being of your choice here–' but… human's were fault filled creatures nevertheless.

The way she turned her head to look at the shrine and pursed her lips before she stood up and walked away said a louder 'yes' than she ever could, "I'm hungry. I'm going to make us some sandwiches or something."

[…]

"Inuyasha," Kagome groaned as she rested her elbow on the table and leaned her cheek against her open palm, "you really need to eat properly. I swear, it's like dealing with a child."

"What are you gripping about?" he snarled.

"The way you are devouring the sandwiches makes me think you neglected eating today," she retorted with a narrowed gaze.

Damn, she had him there, he was just too busy but he wasn't about to tell her that. "Whatever."

"You should spend the night; I don't feel too great about the idea of you walking home on that street…"

"Spend… the night?" He repeated warily as he cocked a brow to her, the idea sent a stranger shiver about within him—whether it was in a good way or not, he was not certain.

"I told you, I have two bedrooms upstairs," she pointed above them, "please? It would really make me feel better."

For a moment, he did nothing but stare straight at her thin lips, "why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" She asked ever so innocently, her hazels automatically shifting away from him so she could pick up the dishes and take them to the sink.

"Don't play dumb," he requested rigidly, "why help me? I don't get it. Do you wanna convert me or something?"

"Everyone has a right to pick their own belief system," she retorted as she turned on the sink to scrub their plates and cups clean. "That's an important part of Cathol—"

"Ha," he barked, "what are missionary trips about, eh? You gonna tell me those weren't all about converting the 'savages'?" That'd make sense to him, he was rather 'savage'.

She cringed almost so slightly that it got by him, "putting that aside," she wouldn't even touch that flame, "I believe you can think whatever you want. It's a free country."

"Kagome," he coaxed coarsely until she turned off the sink and looked over to him, "why are you helping me? I want to know."

"You are my friend," she stated simply, her face showing complete candor as her eyes met his, "friends help each other."

"We weren't friends before," he asserted, only to watch a weak smile show upon her lips. Why'd he suddenly feel so guilty?

"I'll go get the spare room ready for you," she decided with a nod, she shook her hands dry before she walked past him and up the stairs.

He could stay a night—no, wait. He didn't have his other 'medication', how could he sleep? "I'm not staying," he shouted up the stairs after he walked over to lean on the railing, "don't bother to prepare the room."

"Why?" She inquired as she stuck her head out of one the doors, for a moment it through him off guard. It was just so… cute? Why did he have to think like that?

"I prefer to sleep in the nude, ya' know, I doubt you want—"

"Close your door, silly, I won't make the mistake of walking in on _that_ again," she shuttered at the thought before her head vanished in the room again.

"I'm not staying, Kagome!"

"Why? Did you not bring your 'stuff'?" She ridiculed back, loud enough that his twitching ears could hear the acidic tone attached to each word.

"Keh," he muttered to herself.

"Do you want to make me worry again?" She asked as she stepped out of the room all the way, "I think I'll cry if you leave."

"You will not," he mocked right back.

"I will to, I'll be so worried, it'll take you forty minutes to get home and I'll be here worrying about you all the while. I don't think I could take that, I'd surely cry."

"No you wouldn't," he kept up.

"I will, are you saying you want to make me cry, Inuyasha? That's mean, and here I thought we were friends." She frowned instead of pouting like she initially wanted to, maybe she would cry, maybe she wouldn't, but she could tell from his haze she caught him in earlier that day that he did not handle women's tears well. It was probably wrong to exploit his weakness but… what else was she to do? Allow him to go home to inject himself with some more? What if he really ODed this time?

He had one of the two… maybe that'd be enough, just for a night? He felt a jitter cascade through his body from the thought, he was just thinking about it too much. He had to push it out of his mind, it'd just be _one_ night. Better yet, it'd mean he had an extra night of liquid joy, another day away from Naraku…

"Fine," he muttered, "fine, just don't cry."

"Truly?"

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled as he began up the stairs, "just one night, just this _one_ time."

"You're the best, thank you!" She giddily declared, she knew she might have gone a step too far when she threw her arms around his neck to give him a quick hug—why'd he always have to tense up like that?

[…]

"Was it _that_ bad to sleep a night without medicating yourself?" Kagome inquired the moment he stepped off the stairs, but he really didn't need to answer that. The drained look upon his face and the dark bags that hung under his eyes said enough.

"I need coffee," he grumbled before he plopped down in the chair across the table from her and promptly rested his head on one of his arms.

"I put a pot on," she nodded to the counter behind him, "have as much as you'd like."

"Get me a cup," he groggily requested, he didn't know if he had the energy to even pick up the pot let alone pour some for himself. The day before was tiring to say the least, _two _of his most ferocious clients in a row? He just needed a good night rest and he was almost certain he was exhausted enough that he could fall asleep without aid, ha, _that_ was wishful thinking. It happened every now and then but not for anything longer than a few minutes and most certainly not enough to rejuvenate himself.

God, the way his body begged him for what he didn't have drove him insane, he tossed and turned in the guest room's bed that he was sure was probably very comfortable if he wasn't so damn hot always or if his muscles didn't convulse for a freedom, for that relaxing fix. Then the pain from his wounds started to prod at his mind, his need whispered over and over again about the _one_ thing that could make that go away. That could make everything just a hazy nightmare.

Damn it all to hell, why'd he have to stay the entire night? He should have left midway through but the one time he tried she caught him and pointed him in the right direction of the bathroom. It was almost like she was watching…

"Fine," she sighed before she pushed off the table and did just that, "you have to say 'please' if you want a mug, though."

"Please," he grunted, that stopped her for a moment. Did he _really_ say it? Without even a protest? Was he honestly that tired?

She frowned as she set it down by her head, "did you really not sleep a wink?"

He just groaned as he weakly pried himself off the table and ripped open one of the many packets of so-called-sugar he kept in his pocket since Kagome's appearance in his life then twirled the cup around so it would mix. After a few cups he'd be good to go, the sleepiness would subside to the jolt like it always did.

"The bed's too stiff," he lied as he began to chug the cup. The quality of the coffee never mattered to him, it could be the shit motels served or the finest brew—which, he was inclined to think that's what Kagome gave him—but it would not matter. His added powder always made it well worth the burn to his tongue.

"Jeez, I'm glad I have a whole pot of that," she muttered to herself as she went about to prepare him breakfast. Eggs, rice, and bacon she could do, it was all very easy and if she burned the bacon she doubted he'd care.

Sometimes she really felt like a babysitter, but if she wasn't around what would become of him? That thought was far to bleak for her even to try and grasp.

[…]

"Good afternoon, Miroku-sama," Kagome chimed as always when she saw the rather handsome priest-in-training come out of the back of the chapel, a smile would always warm his lips when he saw her there.

"Good afternoon, Kagome-sama," he nodded as he walked over to stand by the pew she sat on, "did you enjoy the sermon today?"

"It was interesting," she hummed as her hazels wondered about his face before shooting off to the cross upon the wall. He knew what that meant, the way she pursed her lips to keep from saying what she really wanted to.

"How is your friend doing?"

As always, he could see right through her, she smiled weakly and gave off an even fainter laugh, "you always can tell, huh?"

"You are fairly translucent, I must admit," he chuckled slightly, "but I think that's a good quality. I think it shows what a poor liar you'd make."

"Yeah," she frowned, "I'm pretty bad at that." And that's exactly why if there was ever something worth lying about she just wouldn't say it. It was easier that way; it wasn't a lie, was it? It was just not telling a tidbit of information… that's all. "So, my friend isn't getting better. He got in a fight with a group of people the other day and I'm really sure he almost ODed afterwards."

"Your friend sounds like a trouble soul," Miroku mused as his cheer faded, "and a dangerous one, perhaps it would be better to help from afar from time to time?"

"No, I can't leave him," she stated sternly, "he… it's not his fault he's like this, it's just the way his life… it hasn't been kind to him."

"And has life been kind to you, Kagome-sama?"

A void appeared on her face for a moment before she looked up to Miroku, could he… tell? "I'm sorry?"

"I'm just guessing, but I would say it has not, yet you have not ended up living in a poor part of town, on drugs, prostituting yourself, or getting in fights with gangs."

She fixed her lips into a frown before she leaned back in the pew, "that's not fair. You don't know Inuyasha."

"You are right," he nodded, "but difficulties do not justify stupidity."

She puffed a sigh before she folded her arms, it was true… but she couldn't help but find herself making excuses for him each time she spoke to Miroku about him. "I always had someone there that loved me, that wanted what was best for me, I was lucky. He didn't have that… I think that makes all the difference, Miroku-sama."

"I agree, it is easier to move past hardships with the aid of someone you cherish, but—"

"I think I know what I need to do to help him," Kagome asserted, she honestly did not want to hear any more reasons why she should back off for a while. Miroku-sama was a kind man, and she was certain only wanted the best for her, but he didn't understand _why_ she needed to help him or what compelled her to treasure Inuyasha so dearly.

"Oh?"

"I figured out who supplies him his… drugs," she hated to say the word, it always left a terrible aftertaste on her tongue, "I think I should ask him not to sell to Inuyasha anymore."

"I think that's a _very_ poor idea," Miroku couldn't stress enough as he placed a hand on her shoulder; "you surely should _not_ do that. Do you understand? A person with such a profession is not someone you should associate yourself with under any circumstances, please promise me you will _not_ do that, Kagome-sama."

Ow, crap, he wanted her to _promise_ him… she had told him how dear such things were to him, he was certain she would not break her word, but… she pressed her lips together as she stood up and bowed her head. "I promise I will… not go see Onigumo."

"Is he the drug dealer?"

She nodded as she began to the door, "good bye, Miroku-sama."

"Good bye, Kagome-sama," he watched as she opened the door and stepped out only to return, he had a feeling she'd retract her word before she left. It was too easy for her to say that… and she was too headstrong to change her plan of action with such little coaxing on his behalf.

"Miroku-sama," she dragged out as she looked back to him, "there's… this car," she pointed when he finally walked all the way over to him, "I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid but I've seen it all day."

He bent his brows as he looked at the red vehicle, "I'm sure it's nothing, but would you like me to walk to the train station all the same?"

"Would you please? But I'm actually going to Inuyasha's… I was planning to just walk all the way there."

"I'll escort you," he assured as he shut the door behind her and followed her lead.

"Well," he started once they crossed the line between the decent part of town and… the far less than, "you said he lived in the pits but…"

"Yeah, I know, right?" She sighed, "but he likes his place."

"I feel all the worse knowing you come here by yourself," Miroku muttered as his eyes wondered around, "I pray that you only do so in the day."

"Yeah, for the most part, and recently Inuyasha's been really protective. He's been walking me out of the neighborhood each time. He tells me to call him before I visit so he can come get me but… that's such a hassle."

"I think you should heed his advice," Miroku assured as they stopped at Inuyasha's complex, "this is not a safe place, Kagome-sama."

"I have a taser, I know how to protect myself," she replied with a smile, "you'll see your way out of her safely, won't you?"

"I know how to protect myself, besides, I am wearing robes," he tugged on his black wardrobe, "I doubt anyone would think I had enough money to want to mug me."

"I hope so," she laughed before she entered the building and headed up the stairs to knock on the door she had come to know so well. "Inuyasha?" She called out when there wasn't a reply, with a sigh she turned around to lean against the door and pull out her phone.

[…]

The moment he got back to his place he shot himself up and passed out on the bed, it felt oh-so-good. Nothing so sensational could be wrong, he didn't care if it was social unacceptable—really, what about him wasn't?—nor the fact that Kagome was fervently against it. Why'd he even care what that girl thought of him? He didn't… for the most part.

He grumbled something incoherent even to himself when he felt his phone go off in his pocket and heard the stupid default ringtone, he reluctantly reached in to pick it up and raise it high enough that he could open just one eye and see who it was.

Fuck, if it was _anyone_ else he'd just ignore it. Why'd she have to call him so much? He saw her every day as it was, for the most part, and he had just seen her that morning so _why'd_ she feel the need to bother him once more?

"What?" he muttered, not fully bothering to pull his face away from the pillow it was half consumed in.

"Are you OK?"

"I was sleeping…"

"Where?"

"At my place, moron."

"Then why aren't you answering the door?" He heard a series of rhythmic knocks upon just that when she spoke.

"'Cause I'm sleeping, go away, woman," he promptly hung up and threw the phone across the room to roll over and find a new comfortable position.

She was a persistent bitch, he had to give that to her, because she didn't stop hitting her hand upon the door.

"Fuck me," he grunted as he slid out of bed and weakly got his legs to function enough that he could pry open the door and let her waltz right in like she owned the place.

"How is it that all your clothes is spewed across the place again?" She gawked with agony coating her voice.

"Blah, blah," he muttered with a wave of his hand as he fell down upon his couch to face the back of it and shut his eyes.

"You are going to mess up your sleep schedule if you don't stay awake; it's only an hour until sundown." Somehow, she doubted he cared since he didn't even both to stir so she just shook her head as she walked past his couch and pushed aside his curtains—rather, sheets pinned to the wall—to let in some sunlight, that's when her eyes caught a crimson colored car. "Huh…"

"Closed that," he scoffed as he shut his eyes all the more, "and what the hell are you doing here, anyway?"

"Can't I just come visit?" She mused as she tilted from side to side to try and see into the car that was just across the street.

"I told you to call me, so you won't walk around by yourself," he reminded as he folded his arms and snuggled closer to the couch.

"Oh, don't worry, I didn't walk here all by myself, Miroku-sama escorted me."

Miroku-_sama_? He popped up to glare over at her and the blinding window, that got him to close his eyes again, "who the hell's that?"

"Hm?" She hummed as she glanced over to the grumpy boy, "he's a priest at the church I go to."

"Oh," he muttered before he plopped back down, priest's didn't have sex… well, they weren't supposed to. More importantly, _Kagome_ didn't have sex.

"Not to alarm you or anything…" her eyes shifted back down to the streets, "maybe I'm just paranoid but there's this car that I've seen _everywhere_ I've gone today. Now it's just outside your place, too. Isn't that weird?"

"What?" That got his attention enough that he pried himself away from his couch to go lean against the wall and look out to where she was pointing. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure, but it's probably nothing, right?"

He sighed before pushing off the wall and grabbing his hoddie he discarded somewhere along the way to cover up his bare chest, "stay here."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go check it out," he thought that was pretty obvious.

"No, what if it's dangerous?" She sped as she grasped his arm to keep him inside, "don't go."

"It's probably nothing, right?" He coaxed until she let her hand slip away, "stay here and lock the door, I've got my keys."

"Fine," she huffed with a pout as she did just that. It was probably nothing after all…

He zipped his jacket up before he stepped out of the complex to go across the street to see what the lingering car wanted; the windows were far too tainted for him to be able to see if someone was in there so he tapped on the glass of the driver side instead. There was probably no one there, Kagome was probably watching too many of those dramas she seemed to enjoy so much. Needless to say, he was flabbergasted when the windows rolled down a grinning monster showed himself.

"Inuyasha, greetings."

His mouth dropped open as his brows flexed, "what the hell are you doing here?"

"I was just on a drive," he smirked.

If… if Kagome was right, if this car had… "stay away from her," Inuyasha demanded as he bended to so he was eye to eye with Naraku and surely blocking Kagome's view if she was watching from the window like he knew she would be. "Got it? Don't you dare touch her."

The sick smirk just fused into an even grander one, "you mean that attractive little girl that's so smitten with you? Funny, she doesn't look your type. I have yet to see her wear anything even remotely revealing; I have to say I enjoy that. It leaves the mind free to imagine what's hidden behind all those high-necked outfits—"

"Screw you, stay away from her," he snarled, "I'm warning you. Do _not_ touch her."

"What would you do if I did?" He taunted back as he relaxed in his seat to let his eyes wondered up the brick building behind Inuyasha.

"I'll kill you," and the hideous hanyou was ever so certain he was telling the truth.

"You can try but you would fail," Naraku assured, "I'll make you a deal. You come to mine tomorrow and we have our fun again and I'll leave her alone."

His stomach sank at the idea and he was almost certain he was about to vomit before he swallowed back the urge and closed his eyes, "I'll pay you with actual_ money_ to stay away from her."

"This is not a negotiation and we both know you can't always be by her side, eventually your job will call you away and she'll be all alone… and I do have such nasty urges but I'm sure you know all about such things."

That got him to open his eyes and tighten his fists, what to do? Did he actually give a damn about Kagome enough to subject himself to a hell he wasn't even positive he'd do for drugs?

"Yeah, sue, whatever, fine, tomorrow," he grunted as he stood up and shoved his hands in his pocket, "just stay away from her."

"Agreed," Naraku grinned as he rolled up his window and started his car.

Sure, he might say he'd go but… he wasn't so sure he would. Not even for Kagome… at least he bought her a night of freedom if nothing else.

"It was nothing," Inuyasha assured after he unlocked his door to see her standing by the window still, "you have an over active imagination, that's all."

"Good," Kagome sighed before she smiled over him; it was like a knife to his chest, "thank you."

She just had to twist it to make sure the blade was securely in there, didn't she?

[…]

"_I promise I will… not go see Onigumo."_ She had sworn to a priest in a church that, so she surely would not break her word. Absolutely not, she valued promises. Her whole existence was based on a promise. It mean the world to her, it gave her _life_. Still… she couldn't help but ponder as she opened up the door to the rundown apartment complex and entered the little foyer if it was still wrong to promise the wrong thing to Miroku. How was he to know that Onigumo—the former drug lord of the area—had been thrown out, probably killed in all reality, by a new guy? Someone by the name of _Naraku_?

He couldn't, but she knew, and it was for Inuyasha benefit that she went to see the man. She'd do anything it took to cut him off from drugs, he'd probably hate her forever when he figured out it was all by her doing but… he really needed the help, regardless if he thought so. Inuyasha had acted so strange since he finally seemed to wake up all the way, he _had_ to walk her to the train station and he almost demanded to see her all the way home. It took a lot of persuasion to convince him that seeing her into the train was good enough.

At the very next stop she got off and rode right back and reached her destination just as night fell, she took a deep breath before she pressed the button that still read 'Onigumo', that was probably right, wasn't it?

She jumped at the sound of the buzz and door coming unlocked, no check to make sure she wasn't a cop or something? That was a bit… convenient but she still entered and walked to the stairs, where'd he live?

"Up here," she heard a nausea inspiring chuckle call a few floors above her so she slowly went up, grabbing her purse all the tighter until she saw the long haired man grin while he leaned against the doorway, "hello."

"Hi…" she replied meekly.

"Please come in," he nodded, he had the strangest gleam in his gaze but that was probably just because he was as high as a kite, she assumed as she stepped into his place and watched as he shut the door behind her. "I'm surprised you're here, what can I do for you?"

Why'd he talk like he knew her? She bit her bottom lip briefly before adjusting the strap of her purse back up her shoulder, "you sell drugs to Inuyasha, don't you?"

"I do."

He was just going to bluntly admit it? She was sure it would take a lot to coax out a client from him but he just smirked at her all the more, waiting for her to form her next sentence, "I want you to stop."

"Now why would I do that?" He cooed as he leaned against the wall, his eyes slowly moving about her figure to make her feel even more uncomfortable about the whole mess than she already was.

"I'll pay you, I have plenty of money to do so," she assured, "I'm sure we can work something out."

"I'm sure we can," he showed his slimy smile all the more as he walked over to her, he relished in the way she flinched when he got within arm's reach, "I'll stop selling to him."

"How much will it cost?"

"You're body," he stated simply.

Her eyes widened for a moment before, "not part of the deal. I'll only pay with _money_."

"I'll only accept sex," he assured, "I want you from until sun up tomorrow, and then, if it's any good, once or twice a month from now—"

"No," she squealed as she took a step back with his large advance, "I refuse. I will _not_ pay like that."

"Then I will _not_ stop selling to him, and next time he comes around for that 'liquid joy' of his… well, you know the dangers of drugs," he calmly said as he took the final step forward and she took her last one back before she felt herself pressed against the door. "They're just so _deadly_. I might mix up the stuff, I might inject a little something in… something that'll make that fucked-up hanyou's heart cease to beat."

"I'll tell him you said that!"

"And he'll still come around, I'm the only one in the area, and that's the damned thing about addiction, he'll _need_ it too much _not_ to come," he slammed his hands around her head and leaned forward, "so, you'd rather keep your purity than allow him his life?"

"Get away from me," she demanded, she had every intention of sounding fearless but it came out in a feeble attempt. "Get away!"

"No," he grabbed her arm and slammed her against the wall again before pressing his body unto her, "we're going to have fun, whether you get anything out of it is up to you."

"Stop!"

"Scream all you want, no one's gonna care, that's why I love this place," he smirked as he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a sloppy, disgusting, kiss upon her neck.

[…]

Fuck, he had _just_ got back from walking Kagome to the train station, he wanted to go back to sleep but then a thunderous knock came on his door so he sighed and turned around to yank it open. He had half expected it to be Kagome, after all, she was the only one that came to visit but it made more sense that it wasn't her… it made _no_ sense that it was a priest.

"Fuck off," he demanded before he began to close his door, only to have the man stick his foot in to stop it, "look, I don't wanna hear what you have to say, go."

"I think you do," the violet eyed man replied, "it has to do with Kagome-sama."

That got him to pause for a moment before he reluctantly opened the door again to stare at the man with a dull glaze upon his face, "what…?"

"I believe we have a mutual acquaintance, my name is Miroku."

Ah, Miroku-_sama_, he remembered that, "what do ya' want? To tell me I'm a bad influence? 'Cause that's what I've been telling her all along, if you can convince her that so she'll stop coming around ya' should." It was in her best interest that she avoid him, after all.

"That's not what I'm here for, Kagome-sama can make her own choices, she has every right to. She's a very determined soul and I cannot stop her," Miroku assured with something akin to a smile before that faded quickly, "I'm afraid she is going to go to your drug dealer and request he stops supplying you."

That got a wide-eyed responds from Inuyasha, Kagome wouldn't… she didn't know about Naraku, she definitely should _not_ go there. No… not after that disgusting hanyou decided he liked what he saw… not after he had already started to 'stalk' his 'prey'.

"She promised me she would not go see this Onigumo person but… I feel that you would be able to stop her better than I," Miroku shrugged.

"Onigumo…?" She was going to see _him_? To his place? The place that was now _Naraku's_?

Oh, God, it made so much sense… why she didn't want him to see her all the way home. "I've got to go," Inuyasha sped as he pushed Miroku out of the way and slammed his door shut before he jumped down his stairs over and over again. What if she was there? What if…? He felt a cringe in his gut as he pulled out his phone.

No answer… she always answered when he called. His heart was beating to the point of breaking, he was sure, and… that's when an idea popped into his brain that was working in over time. Call the police on Naraku, get them to go there, at least if she _was_ there they might get to 'Onigumo's place before Inuyasha did.

Yeah, that was just about right, it had to start raining as he sprinted on, dialing the police all the while. He'd report the mass amount of drugs; they'd have to be able to go there, wouldn't they?

He could only hope… he couldn't take it if he was the downfall of another innocent woman…

[…]

"No! Stop!" She shrieked as she fiddled around but there was no chance, he was stronger than her and then she felt his _teeth_ against her skin. No… no, _no_. Her breath was erratic, fear shook her body, but she still managed to slip that taser she prided herself in always carrying out of her bag and jolting it into his gut.

The only problem is, when you shock someone who has direct skin contact with you… you, too, are electrified.

They both screamed as they parted, she fell to her knees as he grabbed his gut and wobbled back. Oh lordy, that _hurt_, but she was sure she'd rather be zapped than raped.

"You little bitch!" He shouted as she tried to grab the door, still not able to get her legs to function properly, she fiddled with the knob only to feel a hardened hand grab her ankle and yank her down towards him, he pinned himself above her and pushed her shoulders down.

"Get off! Get off!" She would _not_ let him touch her in a way no other man ever had! In a way she never wanted to be! She wiggled and struggled as he tore at her skirt from behind, it was pure luck that he put more weight on one side than another so she could kick him in the groin. He grunted and grip weakened enough that she could grab the taser that had fallen from her hand and jab him in the neck.

Again, his hand was still on her now bare thigh.

She let out an almost silent scream as she fell back; he let out a full grown scream as he grasped his neck. Much against her body's will she was able to grab her purse, and fumble until she found the mace, she closed her eyes and held her breath as she pressed the trigger—the sound of his shrieks told her she hit him.

That was when she finally managed to scurry to her feet and yank open the door to trip over herself, fall to the ground and push herself back up so she could support herself with the railing as she descended the stairs far too much.

Her foot hit her other as she meet the wet pavement of freedom, she was sure to scab her hands as she fell forward and into a puddle that the sudden storm had brought with a grunt. She couldn't go on, everything hurt, and the most _important_ part ached uncontrollably, more so than it should… she bit her lips together as she shut her eyes.

"Kagome!"

Inuyasha? She pushed herself off the ground just in time to see him rush over and fall to his knees beside her, "thank God!"

"What the hell are you doing here?" He growled as he pulled her to her feet.

"You little bitch!" They could hear Naraku shout from within, "I'm going to kill you!"

"You idiot," Inuyasha hissed as he yanked on her that he grasped ever so tightly to pull her down the closest alleyway just in time to witness Naraku run out of his complex with a gun in hand. A smile almost laced Inuyasha's lips when he saw the police car pull up. It was generally very illegal to have a gun in Japan so that had to be unregistered, giving them plenty of cause to search Naraku's place and see all the drugs. He'd be in jail for a very, very long time… hopefully.

That thought barely formed in his mind before he felt Kagome slip behind, a weak moan and a thud upon the ground. He spun around and dropped to his knees beside her, "what's wrong? Did he hurt you?"

"No," she muttered as she grasped her chest with both hands and closed her eyes tightly as she leaned forward. After all, it was mostly self-inflicted.

"What's wrong?" he kept up, his hands hovered over her shoulders—should he touch her? Should he hold her? Should he just leave her be?

"I…" she took a deep breath as she leaned to the side to rest against him, "I…"

"You moron!" He scolded, he didn't think at all as he threw his arms around her and pulled her close, "you idiot! What the hell were you thinking!?"

"I… wanted him to stop… selling to you," she winced.

"You idiot," he repeated again as he buried his nose into her drenched hair, "you _idiot_! Are you OK?!"

"No," she muttered back.

"I'm calling an ambulance, alright?"

"No," she complained as she grasped his shelves, "take me to… Saint Dismas hospital… I need to see… Suikotsu-sensei."

"Alright, alright," he repeated with a nod or two, he could feel his soaked silver strands brush against his face as he did so, "just hang in, OK? You shouldn't be helping me, Kagome. You _shouldn't_ help me. Why…? _Why_ have you been helping me? You idiot… you stupid little girl."

"I have to…" Kagome whispered, her hand slipped from both her chest and his shirt and eyelids relaxed, just before her world faded to black she managed to mutter, "I made a… promise."

* * *

**A/N:** I didn't really proof read this so... well, I'll come back and do that later. I'm just too tired to deal with that.

Thank you all for the reviews thus far, and please keep them coming :)


	7. Remnant

**{.x.o.} | R**_apture's _**R**_emorse_** | {.o.x.}  
{x| C**_hapter _7: **R**_emnant_ **|x} **

_Our Father, who art in heaven…_

"Hey, she needs help! Now!" Inuyasha shouted the moment he rushed into the ER of the hospital she just _had_ to go to, no, he couldn't call an ambulance to pick her, she _had_ to go to Saint Dismas. The limp girl had been in and out of consciousness on the way over, mumbling things that made no sense, half the time it wasn't even words.

"What's happened?" A nurse rushed to him and the limp body in his arms.

_Hallowed be thy name._

"You have to stay out here," another ordered after they got the stilled girl onto a gurney to roll her past the big, flapping, doors.

"Why?" he retorted swiftly, "is she going to be OK?"

"I'm sorry, but you can't come back, just wait here, someone will come get you once we know," the mahogany eyed girl explained before she rushed back to follow the other. He couldn't do a damn thing, never before had he felt so… fucking helpless, he could just stand there dully staring at the fading figures behind the doors until they turned a corner.

She'd be OK… wouldn't she?

_Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done,_

"Suikotsu-sensei," a nurse started, "she's—"

"I know who she is, I know what's wrong," he assured, "how long has she been unconscious?"

"We don't know."

He nodded with pursed lips as his beige gaze glanced about her, his stethoscope, it was only then that his brows bent together, "get the paddles charged."

_On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread._

He couldn't stay still, who could just sit in the stupid white room with flaking blue paint and pretend everything was fine? He bit his bottom lip as he folded his arms tighter upon his chest; it was a constant circle around the area that kept him sane. She had to be OK… that was the only thought he could process.

What… was wrong with her? What had that damn _bastard_ done to her? Damn it all, why did she have to help him?

Why did _he_ have to ruin everything?

_And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us._

Vaguely, she could understand what was going on, the shouts, the shocks, and the spark pricks in her arms. Something was going wrong, very wrong. Everything was fading away into that darkness she knew so well. What was behind the veil? Would there be light? Was all that she believed in true?

Yes, she thought so, that was the whole point of faith, wasn't it?

_And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil._

"You were the one that brought in Higurashi Kagome, weren't you?" The same mahogany eyed nurse in green and pink scrubs inquired as she walked out of the back and into the waiting room, that question got the hanyou's ears to twitch and his feet to finally stop. The look on her face was the very opposite of reassuring, whatever breath he had lodged itself in his throat like a rock.

He was suffocating as she rubbed her hands together and pressed her lips shut before a sigh left her lips.

"What?" he meant to sound fierce, to sound _pissed_ and he had every intention of feeling those things too since she was dragging out the inevitable but all he could feel was dread, absolutely and undeniably consuming terror.

_For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. _

_Amen_

[…]

"Hello," a lull of a whisper weakly caught her attention, it was all entwined in that darkness she knew so well but she wanted to wake up, she wanted to see the light, she didn't want to be alone… not there, not where there was nothing.

In between bleakness behind her lids and the rays that blinded her blinking eyes she could see a figure, a feminine one, but the luminosity was too much, she couldn't see a face just the halo around her… she could just hear the voice, the one object that kept her attached to the world when everything else pulled her under, down, down, down to the next life, whatever it might hold.

"Hello?" For once, she managed to keep her lids lifted, the sun that used to be so staggering had faded.

"Are," she swallowed the dryness that had made it so hard to speak, "you an angel?"

"No," the fair-skinned woman smiled as she leaned down, her cocoa colored eyes wavering over the girl before her, "how do you feel?"

"Am I dead?"

"No," she soothed once more before lifting her hand up to brush her black bangs away, "do you not remember where you are?"

If she was not dead, then there was only one answer, "the hospital?"

"Yes, there were complications with the surgery, you've been in a coma for a week, but damage has been done. It was a success, Higurashi-san."

The surgery, how often had she been cut up since birth? How many more times would she have to? It was not fair, she was born like this, and she had done _nothing_ to deserve such a fate so why? Why was she bestowed with her deficiency? She would never live to be an old lady, she doubted she'd ever reach the age of twenty-one. She did not understand. Her young mind could not grasp why. Everything fell around her_ because_ of her and _because_ of her weakness.

Her family, was ruining a marriage that used to be blissful not enough? Must she be the reason for their demise, too? Why, why God? She asked that question each night in her prays and would wake the next morning with no answer.

They say hardship can strength faith but for her… all of them waned it, why believe in something that would never reply to her?

"Good morning, Kagome-san," her ever so friendly nurse said with her usual amiable smile upon her face. There was rarely ever a need for her to come visit so often and though she never confessed to it, young Kagome often believed she visited her even when she was not really working.

"Good morning, Kikyou-sama," she'd always reply, her own meek attempt a smile gracing her lips, only for her, _always_ only for her. Her angel, her light, the one person that could slowly pull her out of the darkness that had infested her heart.

What a lovely lady she was, always smiling, always in good cheer, "please, I'd feel better if you simply called me Kikyou. I feel so old when you say that."

Her laugh would win a real smile from the aching adolescent.

So many times she pretend as if she could not hear the conversations that had swarmed around her, whenever the adults thought she was out of earshot, it was the same when her parents were alive, it was the same when her grandfather took over her care, but she knew. She always did, but for them she'd imagine the whispers did not find their way to her.

"_She needs a transplant or else…"_

"_It's hard with her though… to find a match… it'd be a miracle."_

"_How long does she have?" _Her loved ones would always ask the doctor, her mother, her father, and finally her grandpa. Now, too, Kikyou would inquire. The answer would always vary but as time went on, that answer would always become shorter and shorter…

"It is normal," she would whisper whenever Kagome shared her fears, the way the nurse took her hands with sweet candor always loosened the knots in her heart, "you have been through more than most ever will have to. To question your faith in such a time is completely understandable."

"What should I do?" She'd always ask back in a hush, "Kikyou-sama, I'm scared. I want to believe, I want to go to heaven, I want to see my family again there but… but…"

A serene 'sh' would be her reply as one of her slender fingers lifted up to whip away the tears that began to slid down the torn teenager, "it is up to you in the end, Kagome. I will not insult you by saying the usual cryptic responds like 'God is there, if only you look' or 'He works in mysterious ways' but I believe… that in the end, all is for the better. You are a dear child, He loves you, that much I am certain of."

Only to her, to the good-natured nurse, could she cry freely. If not for her she would have given up, if not for her she would not have fought against each fit that tried to take her frail life, it not for her she would have lost the faith that gave her a steady heart.

"How are you feeling today, Kagome-san?" Suikotsu inquired like he did each day she was stuck in one of the many staunch hospital beds that had consumed most of her life.

"Fabulous," after so many years she had learned to live with her fate, to smile, to laugh, to feel joy once again, "but isn't every day when I'm here at Saint Raphael's, Suikotsu-sensei?"

"I'm glad to see you in such good cheer," he replied as he walked to the bottom of the bed to check her chart, "everything looks good, I think you'll be out of here by tomorrow."

"But then I'll be back in another month or so," she reminded with a laugh, one they both knew was not completely real.

"And each time you come we will see that you leave in excellent health," he swore with a grin, "I will make sure of it, Kagome-san."

"_We_ will make sure of it," Kikyou corrected as she came in, her fingers slid down Suikotsu's arm as she walked by him to sit down in the chair beside Kagome's bed—his beiges were fixed on her cocoa the entire time, a similar smile upon both of their lips.

"Yes, I'm sorry, of course, _we_ will," Suikotsu assured, "I have to go check on my other patients. I see you are in good hands now, Kagome-san."

"Good bye, Suikotsu-sensei," Kagome chimed, she waited only a while before turning in bed to look at the woman she had grown so close to over the four years that had passed since her family's death, "Kikyou-sama, are you two…?"

"Kagome," she laughed, "is that how it seems?"

"Oh, very much so," Kagome giddily replied, "I'm so happy for you! I always thought that you two would make the cutest couple, it is a match made in heaven for certain."

"Hm," she hummed with a weak smile, her heavy gaze wondered to the door as she folded her hands in her lap, "he is a very kind man. I care for him a great deal but…"

"_But_?" Kagome coaxed as she leaned over more, "_please_, Kikyou-sama? I'm stuck here all the time! I know the drama that goes on here better than I do in my own high school, will you really not gossip with me about your handsome man? _Please_?"

"Kagome," she whispered as she looked back to her, "I can never give Suikotsu what he deserves."

"Why?" She frowned back, both her lips and her brows.

"I made a promise," she lifted a hand up to her chest, right where her heart beat, "that this will always belong to just one man. I will never break my word, you see, Kagome, promises are sacred always, no matter what. Never make a promise in less you intend to keep it, no matter the circumstance. At least, that's how I feel."

"Kikyou-sama…"

Season changed with less frequency than how she entered and exited the hospital that she almost spent more time at than her own home, those that resided there had become as close to her as her lost blood, but none were as precious as the older woman that she considered the sister she never had.

"I remember," she reminisced with a tired smile as she leaned back in the chair she so often sat in, "I was just starting out as a nurse when I met you. You were my very first patient; I could not help but become attached to someone so adorable."

Kagome returned her weary grin as she cuddled closer to the pillows, it was so late and they were both drained from the day's long endeavors, "I'm glad I met you."

"I want to tell you something, something I have never told another, will you let me burden?"

"Of course," she whispered back, was it not easiest to tell secrets to someone that would shortly take them to her grave, after all?

She took a deep breath in before she sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her head more to one side than the other, "I have a brother who means the world to me… it's been years since I've seen him. I miss him each day. I think of him every moment. I love him and he feels the same way about me, I am sure."

"Why would that be a secret, Kikyou-sama? I feel the same way about my little brother, Souta. I miss him every day."

"You don't feel the same way, I am certain," she murmured back as she opened her eyes slightly, "I love my brother in the wrong way and he me. He is the one," she lifted her hand to her heart, "that will always have this. Is that not revolting? We are _siblings_. It is why I devoted my life to helping others so that perhaps God will forgive me for my transgression. I pray every night for him and then I pray for our souls. I sin in no other way, and that is why I could never even dream to return Suikotsu's feelings. I will never 'biblically' join with a man..."

"Kikyou-sama," Kagome mumbled, "you should not feel that way."

"I know," she winced as she shut her eyes, "I know… I know."

"No," she weakly replied as she held her hand out to Kikyou, "no, that is not what I meant. I mean you should not feel so… shamed. Love is love, no matter what form, I don't think it's your fault. It's not disgusting, Kikyou-sama."

Kikyou opened her eyes to look at the candor on the ill girl's face; she pursued her lips as she took Kagome's hands, "thank you, Kagome. You have been the one thing that has consistently brought me light throughout all these years. I believe… God let us meet so you could free me."

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you," she jested on her short breath.

"Will you allow me to saddle you with one more thing?"

"Anything," Kagome assured, it was the first time she ever witnessed a tear trickle down the strong woman's face, "please, don't cry…"

"When you get better will you go to him? My brother, to Inuyasha? He must have gotten himself in a great deal of trouble over all these years. I'm certain you can help him."

"I promise if I get better I will help him," she swore as she squeezed her hand.

"_When_ you get better, Kagome, _when_. Not 'if', never 'if', you will, God would never let anyone so precious perish."

"I promise _when_ I get better I'll find your brother and I'll help him, for you, Kikyou-sama, I'd do anything. You gave me hope," Kagome corrected, she sniffled back the tears that threatened to breach her lids. Always, Kikyou and Suikotsu would motivate her; always they would say she _would_ get better than that she _could_. It worked to heal her at times, but it would not save her. It would not fix what was forever broken with her. They could give her hope, but not heal her.

For that hope, she was thankful.

[…]

She would most likely be fine, the nurse had told him, but she needed to rest… it was _agonizing_ to have to sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs and hope each time a nurse or doctor came out from the flipping doors that they'd come over to inform him how she was doing. She _had_ to be OK, she couldn't be… no, he there was no way, he couldn't even think about that. So he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths in. He had to let his mind wonder elsewhere, _anywhere_ else…

When was the last time he'd been to a hospital? He _hated_ them so he avoided them at all coasts, he hated to go to the doctors, too, but he was forced to do that every once and a while. The last time… he could remember that vividly, she was so stupid. How many times had he told his most precious little sister _not_ to get into a car with her friend, Tsubaki, who would never really pay attention while she was behind the wheel? It was no surprise when he heard the idiot finally crashed her brand new toy her daddy bought her.

Terror tore through him when he heard dear Kikyou was in the car, too, and they had to be rushed to the hospital. He didn't have to linger in the stupid waiting room to ponder if his sibling would be safe, they told him once he got there she just had a broken arm, a pretty bad bump on her head, and would need to be kept overnight to make sure she was fine.

She was already asleep when he walked into her dark room, her skin glowed brilliantly in the moon light from the opened window, and the spring breeze flowed in to make the stale air breathable. His parents weren't there, he didn't care, he found his way to her bedside to brush some of her bangs out of her bruised face. So stupid, she had been warned, _why_ didn't she listen?

Stupid girl, but she was so pretty in her slumber, his eyes washed over her countless times and always landed upon her lips. It would be _wrong_, no, it _was_ immoral but he leaned closer and closer to her… she was asleep, _Jesus_, what was twisted into corruption within him?

Her lips were soft…

The footsteps that thud outside the door caught his attention in plenty of time for him to pull away, her father opened the door to give him that dirty look he always did, he never said it, he never had to, but there was no doubt in the hanyou, his human 'father' hated him with a _burning_ passion.

"You were the one that came in with Kagome-san, weren't you?" A voice broke him back to the now his eyes snapped up to see the same nurse as before, "she's awake and asking for you now. If you'll you follow me I will show you to her room."

[…]

"Hi," Kagome murmured the moment he walked into her room, "how long have you been waiting?"

"A few hours," he replied, his eyes wondered over every bit of her, besides looking tired she seemed fine, and frail… "you OK? What happened?"

"I'm fine, I'm sorry to make you worry," she shifted in her bed to sit up and gently wave her hand towards the chair beside her bed, she didn't continue until he sat down, "Naraku did not hurt me, nothing happened, it was really self inflicted. I had to taser him a few times and I shocked myself."

"You get shocked with a taser and passed out later because of it?" he questioned with a cocked brow, "I've been tasered, it's not that bad."

"My heart… _my_ heart," she mumbled as she raised her hand to clench the fabric before her chest, her eyes stuck t the bottom of her bed, "I was born with a rare heart defect, it's never worked right and I've had so many surgeries to make it better… when I was younger I could never be on the track team, I could never go on school trips, I couldn't ever do anything to overexert myself, I'd always get these fits of pain and it felt like my heart would explode…"

"What?" he sped as he leaned forward, "what are you saying? Are you dying, Kagome?"

His words pierced through her and snapped her out of her daze, slowly she glanced over to him and smiled, "I'm fine. It's nothing to worry about. It's just… you know, the shock wasn't so good for me."

"So your heart… it's better now? It's fixed?" Inuyasha inquired with bent brows, his golden gaze wondered all about her face as she answered, looking for any sign of a lie.

"Don't worry, I'm fine, Suikotsu-sensei won't let me leave for a few days though. He says that he wants to monitor me to make sure everything really is OK," she sighed, "I _hate_ being stuck in hospitals, I haven't had to for so long now… this is going to suck."

'Suck', that got a smile out of him for some reason. She always seemed older than him, far more mature, but to hear such a childish thing reminded him of the simple fact that she _was_ younger than him, probably quite a few years at that.

"You are an idiot," he scoffed all the same, "never do something so stupid again, got it?"

"It's your fault," she stated sharply, letting her glare lock with him, "isn't it?"

He felt a pang of guilt for that so his ears flattened upon his head, "keh, you went there by yourself. I didn't tell you to..."

"You want me to feel better, don't you?" She pouted as she leaned back in the bed, her eyes fixed with his.

"Yes," he assured on a weak breath, of course he did, what kind of question was that? She was a sweet girl, she had her heart in the right place, though he'd never be able to understand her actions nor why she bothered with _him_ of all people, but he would never ever want anything to hurt her. "I want your heart to get better."

_Her _heart would never be cured, _her_ heart would always be defective no matter how many times surgeons cut at it, _her_ heart… she looked away and blinked a few too many times before sighing shakily and closed them, "do you know what would make my heart feel better?"

"What…?"

"If you stopped using, if you promised me you'd stop, I'd feel _so_ much better," she whispered earnestly as she turned her head to look at him, a glimmer of water in her eyes.

For a moment, she softened him to the point that a 'yes' was on the tip of his tongue, but that was only a fading fancy before the vulgar need swirled around within him, so he swallowed the word and never answered. He never wanted anything to hurt her… but him.

[…]

"Shin-kun?!" An all too familiar voice caught his attention, sending a cringe down his body as he walked into Saint Dismas for the third day in a row, he didn't dare look in the direction of the call. "It is you!" He heard just before a pair of slender arms wrapped around his neck, "Shin-kun, this is the first time I have seen you outside our little 'dates'!"

That was because he _never_ wanted to see any of his clients outside of their 'little dates', _ever_. He swallowed back a gag as he pushed Jakotsu away and looked at her warily, "what are you doing here…?"

"I'm visiting, my brother is a doctor here and I'm meeting him for lunch," Jakotsu sung, "what are _you_ doing here, Shin-kun? You aren't sick, are you?"

"A friend of mine's here," was really all he felt comfortable saying, "I gotta go."

"Right, I'll see you soon," Jakotsu chimed with a wave before he seemingly skipped off.

"Weirdo," he whispered to himself before he headed down the hall, to the right, and up the stairs to the first door on his left. As always, she was sitting in bed staring out the window, but she wasn't alone, she tended not to be. Apparently, she had become close friends with one of the nurses there, a Sango? But she was not the one there, a doctor was at the foot of her bed, neither were speaking. Even a dense man like him could feel the tension in the air that was thick enough to suffocate all that stood there.

Should he leave and come back later? He didn't have time to act, the doctor looked up to notice him there, he pushed his rimless glass up his nose to cover his beige eyes before he looked back to the patient, "I see you have a visitor, Kagome-san."

That got her to look to him before over to the door, a smile upon her lips the moment she saw Inuyasha, "hey. Thank you, Suikotsu-sensei."

He simply nodded before he walked to the door, for a moment his eyes locked with Inuyasha's, the man gave him _that_ look before the hanyou stepped aside to allow him out. His golden gaze followed him down the hallway, what was all that about? Why'd he get a shiver down his spine from that cruel stare?

"You OK? That seemed kinda… intense," he inquired as he walked in to plop down in the same chair as always, "what was he here to tell ya'? It didn't look like good news."

"I'm fine," she assured as she wrapped her arms around her knees, "don't worry about it, Inuyasha. Thank you for coming to visit me again."

"Kagome," he dragged out, "are you lying to me?"

"Suikotsu-sensei wasn't here for professional reasons, he just came to check on me, don't worry," she kept up, "really, I've known him since I was… fourteen, I believe, he was my doctor back in Nikko, too. He moved to Tokyo, apparently most his family lives here, around the same time I did. So I'm lucky that someone who knows my condition so well is here."

"Oh, alright," he nodded. Fourteen, wasn't that when her parents got in a car crash? When she was left all alone? How she smiled and laughed so much after such a thing… he couldn't understand. "Where's your grandpa live?"

"Grandpa?" She mused, "he still lives in Nikko. My family's lived in the same house for generations, it's right by a shrine that we've taken care of for… well, generations," she laughed lightly, "he still tends to it. The neighbors check on him for me and I talk to him daily on the phone."

Before either could continue their conversation a small series of thuds caught their attention, "how are you feeling, Kagome-sama?"

"Miroku-sama," she chimed as she leaned forward to look at the door, "I'm perfectly fine. How did you know though…?"

"It's been three days and you have not showed yourself at church once? I thought that was very odd and asked around," he replied with his charming smile as he walked in, "may I ask what is wrong?"

"It's nothing, they really just want to observe me, I could have left after twenty-four hours but they begged me to stay. Oh, Miroku-sama this is Inuyasha, Inuyasha this is Miroku-sama," she introduced with a wave of her hands, "please try to get along."

"It is nice to meet you," Miroku nodded.

"Yeah, you too," he muttered back, if they were to play the part of strangers so be it, wasn't that essentially what they were anyway?

"Kagome-san," the all pink nurse began as she walked into the room, she stopped for a fraction of a moment and glanced at her patient's guest before walking to the opposite side of her bed than them and handing her a little white cup and then another filled with water, "here's your medicine."

"Thank you," she replied, "oh, Sango-san these are my friends, Miroku-sama and Inuyasha, Inuyasha and Miroku-sama this is my friend Sango-san."

"I'm so glad to see that Kagome-san's health is in such lovely hands," Miroku could not help but say, too bad he only got a dull look in retaliation from the pretty nurse.

[…]

"You don't look so hot tonight, Kagome," Inuyasha proclaimed as he folded his feet upon her bed and arms upon his chest. "You sure you're doing OK?"

"I'm tired," she grumbled, "how about you come and visit at normal times instead of _sneaking_ in after visiting hours and most likely a meeting of yours," she muttered the end as she readjusted herself in the bed and pulled the covers over her.

"Keh, if you don't want me visiting—"

"That's not what I said," she sighed as she shut her eyes, "you just come because you _love_ me," she teased, "because you are _worried_ about me, because—"

"You are a _moron_," he said in the same taunting tone, "and tase yourself and end up in the hospital for three days and four nights."

"I get to leave tomorrow," she reminded, "and I still stand by the fact that I don't need to be here."

"Then why _are_ you?"

"Because Suikotsu-sensei said he wanted me to," she stated simply as she turned onto her side to face him but still kept her lids shut, "and I respect Suikotsu-sensei and I'd do anything for him…"

She was just a step away from being asleep, he could tell that form the way she spoke, but he couldn't help but latch onto the last part of it even if it was a mumbled it sounded so… sincere, so heartfelt. She'd do _anything_ for him? Did she have a little crush on the doctor that had been tending to her since she was a teenager? He couldn't help but let a scenario he hated to think of, maybe she moved to Tokyo to follow him? Maybe… he moved to Tokyo to follow her? There was a grand age difference between the two but there was a similar gap between her and him—whoa, wait, that didn't matter. He didn't care about her, not like that. Surely not.

"Suikotsu-sensei," he mocked lightly but so slightly that the almost slumbering girl didn't catch it, "and you met around the time of your parent's death, eh?"

"Yeah," she whispered, "I don't know what I would have done without Suikotsu-sensei."

"You like him a lot, huh?"

"A_ lot_," she assured, "I met him before the car crash, he started to treat me earlier that year. I don't know what I would have done without him."

"You said that already," he scoffed as he glanced away grumpily.

"My parent's didn't have a happy marriage, 'cause I was always getting sick when I was little it was a real strain on them… I really believe that if it weren't for my brother and me and if they weren't so pious they would have divorced… I think maybe they were planning on it once we were older. I wonder if they were fighting when they got hit… I always imagine they were."

So things weren't happily ever after to start out with? He didn't bother to comment, he didn't have anything to say either way, he could tell from her steady breath that she had fallen asleep finally. She probably needed to rest, even if she was 'perfectly fine'.

She looked too adorable when she was sleeping, so peaceful, so…

[…]

"This is always the most embarrassing part," she grumbled as she closed her eyes, "I don't get it, I mean I do, the hospital wants to make sure you are out of it in case you faint or something and break a bone, right? That's why we have to be wheeled out but I am fine, I can walk myself."

"Blah, blah, blah," Inuyasha grunted, "just stop your whining."

"Meanie," she pouted as she glanced up to him, "you _could_ go faster."

"I _could_ push this thing into a wall."

"You wouldn't do that."

"Watch me."

"You are so mean," she muttered before looking ahead again and sighing. "I hate hospitals…"

"You spent a lot of time at them, huh?"

"Lots," she whispered, lots and lots.

He didn't want her to end up at one again, then, and… and if it helped, maybe, just _maybe_, he could? "Hey," he mumbled back, "I'll stop using, if it'll make you feel better."

A warm smile graced her lips at that, "it would make me feel fabulous. I don't like being at these places myself, but… I worry more often about ending up here because of you."

"Keh," he grunted, "I wouldn't hurt you, I can't believe you—"

"That's not what I meant," she assured as she reached her hand behind her to place it one of his as they exited the hospital, "I imagine... if you don't stop, I'll be here to watch as the doctors do everything they can to save you."

And what was it about that? Why was it of such importance that someone _save_ him? Why'd it matter to her?

All the same, "I'll stop, just don't worry about stuff like that anymore."

* * *

**A/N:** thank you for all the reviews, as always. I just got the idea of Suikotsu wearing rimless glasses in my head and I couldn't help myself, I think he'd look so handsome~

I hope you all continue to enjoy the story.


	8. Rehab

**{.x.o.} | R**_apture's _**R**_emorse_** | {.o.x.}  
{x| C**_hapter _8: **R**_ehab_ **|x} **

Jitters waved over him, his muscles ached constantly, sweat penetrated his skin often, he couldn't sleep, and ever part of his day was filled with utter agony. Days felt like years, weeks were like decades, he _needed_ a fix but each time he decided to give up on his resolve someone would be there to yank him back in line. It was _the_ most annoying thing to have one of the terrible trio with him at _all_ times. Not even a minute went by that the nagging nurse Sango wasn't there or the proper priest Miroku or the one that was responsible for it all, Kagome, weren't there to make sure he didn't revert back to his old habits.

For that, he hated each and every one of them. A lot, _a lot_.

They'd even screwed up his apartment and 'Inuyasha-proofed' it. They changed the locks and even made it so that each of the doors locked from the inside, each of them had a key to each bolt but him, no, they pretty much determined where he could be… worse yet, they never let him _out_ because none of them trusted him. It was like they were holding him prisoner, which he constantly reminded them was _illegal_.

"You should let us take you to an actual rehab, then," Kagome would always say in reply.

_She_ bothered him the most, certainly it'd be alright for him to strangle her, wouldn't it? Yet he never got that far… now the priest he had actually punched but, damn, the man could handle himself better than Inuyasha had ever expected and somehow he ended up on the ground with a black eye himself and that annoying priest above him, perfectly fine.

The idiots, it wasn't right that they kept him locked away.

"Kagome will be here soon," Sango assured as she flipped to the next page in her magazine, "so settle down already."

"I don't care!" Inuyasha shouted as he smacked the window, "I'm so sick of this! I take it back! I want out!"

"Sure," Sango sighed with a shake of her head.

"I'm serious!"

"Right."

"Damn it, I'm going to kill you!"

"Uh-huh," she nodded, "you say that and then Kagome gets here and you settle down. Just wait for her and it'll be OK."

"I hate her," Inuyasha grunted.

"Sure you do."

"I hate you, too."

"I'm not very partial to you, either," Sango countered, "you're lucky I like Kagome or else I wouldn't bother with babysitting you like this."

[**…**]

"Oh, really, Kikyou-sama?" Kagome whispered as she sat on the edge of her hospital bed, leaning towards her dear friend, "why?"

A minute smile brightened Kikyou's glum features for only a moment, "because, it is for the best. I do not believe that Suikotsu and I… we're just not meant to be. I wish him the best but… him and I are…"

"So, you two are not together any longer?" Kagome inquired with a tilt of her head, trying her utmost to try and win the attention of Kikyou's chocolates but failing each time.

"We were never really together," Kikyou whispered before she began towards to the door, "have a nice day, Kagome, I will visit after my shift is over."

"OK," she muttered back. She waited for some time before she grasped the IV she was hocked up to and got up to drag it along with her for a walk around the hallways of Saint Raphael's that she knew so well, _too_ well. The passages of her high school were never so familiar but she did not lament over that for too long, instead she curved her lips up to hurry over to the one she was searching for all along. "Suikotsu-sensei!"

"Kagome-san," the handsome doctor replied with a beaming grin, "should you really be out and about?"

"I wanted to see you, Suikotsu-sensei," she chimed as she stopped in front of him, "I have something I need to tell you."

"Is that so?" He inquired with a frown, "is there something wrong? Do you feel worse—?"

"No, it's not that," she said with a shake of her head and another step towards to him, "I just have to tell you… that I… I love you, Suikotsu-sensei."

Truly, it was not reassuring in any sense to watch his beautiful beige eyes bulge so magnificently before he pushed his glasses up his noise and looked about to verify that no one else had heard that, "Kagome-san, that's very nice… but it is called transference, because you are my patient and I am your doctor you form these feelings but that are not real. It is common, do not worry—"

"No, Suikotsu-sensei," Kagome frowned as her eyes averted his for the floor instead, "it's not that. I've felt this way for a very long time… I just thought that you and Kikyou-sama would be better together so I said nothing but… Suikotsu-sensei, will you tell me the truth?" She murmured, lifting her hurt hazels up to look at him, "if it were not for Kikyou-sama would you have noticed me?"

"Kagome-san," Suikotsu coaxed softly, "it is not like that at all, you are just… a patient, that's why I've never—"

"I know I am not very pretty because I'm so pale and petite and that Kikyou-sama is very beautiful and radiant—"

"Kagome-san," Suikotsu interrupted to tilt her chin up, "don't say that, you are a lovely girl."

"You have to say that now," she muttered back with a pout.

"I mean it," he reassured, "Kagome-san, whoever you end up with will be a very lucky man. Now, please, go back to bed and rest."

"Suikotsu-sensei," Kagome whispered after she took another step closer to him, barely any space was left in-between their bodies, his breath hitched along with hers, "will you kiss me?"

"Kagome-san," he gasped.

"Please, Suikotsu-sensei?" She begged as she reached her frail hand up to remove his glasses, his face was ever so near to hers, "I do not want to die without ever kissing someone."

His eyes wondered about hers until he could form a stuttered reply, "your surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, Kagome-san, after that you will be fine."

"If I manage to survive it and only for another four years, at most," she grumbled back.

"Your first kiss should be with someone you truly love, Kagome-san," Suikotsu assured her gently as he reached to take his glasses back from her, but his hand lingered upon hers when she swiftly replied.

"I do love you, very much," her pure declaration stumped him for some time as his eyes wandered about her features in search of any fault, any doubt, yet he found nothing...

"If you'll go back to bed I will." Obediently, giddily, she did just that to end up sitting upon her uncomfortable mattress and look up to the kind façade she had first fell for, he was so handsome, her heart only pounded all the more. Cautiously, he placed a knee on the bed beside her and leaned down to cup her face with tender care, just like he did with everything else. It was completely inappropriate; he knew this for certain as he pressed his lips to hers, but would it really have been right to deny her this small victory? Perhaps no, perhaps yes…

When he pulled away she smiled up at him and he down to her for only a short while before he witnessed her eyes widen gravely. He gradually turned to see what had won her awe-struck attention. A stunned nurse, a nurse he knew so well…

"I'm sorry, Kikyou-sama, I'm really sorry—" Kagome sped long before Suikotsu could form a single word.

"Why? I have turned him down for the final time, if you can make him happy I'd be thrilled, you are old enough now anyway." Though her voice was even and her feature's stoic Kagome still felt her words were empty, it broke her already defected heart all the more when she looked up to see the way Suikotsu was gazing at his most beloved Kikyou.

A love that would never belong to her... That was when she decided she didn't want to pull through the surgery that she only had a forty percent chance of surviving anyway. She was too sick of watching the man she doted over constantly lust after another that would _never_ return the affections. It simply was not fair… why did Kikyou deserve his undying attention when she did nothing but turn it away, reject it, and even stomp all over it? If she had his heart, if she had even a fraction of his attention, she would never hurt him... not like Kikyou did.

It. Was. Not. Fair... but what in life was?

[…]

"I'm perfectly capable for bathing myself," Inuyasha snickered as he sank deeper in the water that washed his sticky skin clean and soothed his aching body.

"You think I enjoy monitoring this?" Kagome retorted with a pout, she sat on the edge of the bath, her hands firmly gripped to the ceramic material and back turned to him so she would not have to see any indecent part of him ever again.

"You don't have to," he hissed, "you could just all leave me alone. I'm so sick of you, that pesky priest, and that _stupid_ nurse chick."

"You are in a particularly foul mood," she mumbled back, "do you want to hear something funny to cheer you up?"

"The only thing that could cheer me up is getting rid of _you_," he growled back.

"When I was little," she started anyway with a warm smile as she shut her eyes, "I used to think that talking to God was kinda like talking on a telephone, that if I didn't do the sign of the cross in the right fashion then he'd always be able to hear my thoughts or if I did it too few times he couldn't hear my prayers at all. I was always worried that I did it one too many times or not enough."

He wrinkled his nose at that, "you're stupid. What was it that you were thinking about that you didn't want Him to hear about, eh?"

"Nothing perverted like you," she jested back, "I just didn't want God in my head always because I was supposed to act strong, I didn't want anyone to know how scared I was when I was little… I didn't even want God to know. I thought he'd be able to tell my parents or something… but now I know how silly I was," she laughed lightly, "God's always there and I can trust him with all my secrets."

He couldn't really grasp that, for so many reasons, but the one he chose to focus on the most was what he considered to be the worst of it. How would it be like to grow up and not know if you would _ever_ really grow up? Somehow, he knew she was thinking that, too, and even though she was trying her best to keep a smile she was anything but happy. Sure, he was in a 'particularly foul mood' and had been all day, even when she got there, but she had been in an awfully unpleasant one herself, not one of her multiple smiles seemed true… he wanted to change that, to lighten whatever worries she might have had.

"Hey," he began with a mischievous grin, "wanna come in here?" The glare she gave him was enough to widen his smirk and encourage him to grasp her wrist to jokingly tug her towards him, she yanked back and he pulled, somewhere along the way she lost her balance in their unneeded struggle and slipped in. With haste she placed her hand down to keep herself from falling all the way into the water.

Both of their eyes grew too grand as they stared at one another, her mouth went agape when she realized what she was touching and his, too, dropped some. It had been a while since anyone grabbed him there, another side-effect from his weird form of 'rehab', he no lingered worked for Kagura. For weeks he threw a fit over it, how the _hell_ was he supposed to buy food or pay the rent without working?! And each time Kagome would assure him that she'd take care of both of those matters for him.

"Forever, huh? Because I'll need a job when this is all done!" He'd coarsely counter.

A frown would always appear as she bent her brows together and placed her hands on her hips, "we'll help you find a new one, a better one, Inuyasha!"

Her shriek shocked him back to the 'now' when she leaped up and shook her hands, "ew! I can't believe! Ah! Inuyasha, why!?"

He couldn't help but laugh at how innocent she was, if it was anyone else he'd probably be deeply insulted from her reaction but it was _her _and he was more than sure that with any man she'd react the same way. Right...?

[…]

Fidgeting around was really all he did when he lied down to go to sleep, the sheets made it too hot but to sleep without them was too cold, he wasn't comfortable on one side but the other was worse, lying on his back was alright but only for a short time, he groaned as he flipped onto his stomach to punch the pillow into a pile under his head.

"You need to settle down, Inuyasha," Kagome sighed as she crossed her legs and placed her hands in her lap while she sat upon the dresser.

It only made it worse that someone was always watching him as he fell asleep, too. "Whatever…"

"I'm just saying, you'll never get some sleep if you keep moving around. Do you need me to sing you a lullaby?" She teased after she glanced at the clock, it would only be a short while before Miroku arrived to take over the next shift.

"Hey," Inuyasha murmured, opening his eyes just enough to see her across the dark room, the only light that entered his studio was from the city outside the window that she sat in front of so causally. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she chimed.

"When you halfway fell into the bath earlier…"

"Please," Kagome whined as she covered his reddened cheeks, "that was an accident, let's not talk about that."

"That's not what I'm getting at," he assured, "I saw down your shirt when you—"

"Inuyasha!"

"I didn't mean to!" He countered, "I saw… a scar down the middle of your chest...?"

"Oh," she whispered while she raised her hand up to the middle of her bosom, "I'm self-conscious about it so that's why I always wear the high neck stuff, I don't want people to see it. It's terrible, I know, vanity is a sin but… it's ugly," she muttered, "but, at the same time I love it."

"What?"

"It's a scar from all the surgeries and without them I wouldn't be alive. It's a symbol, an important one. It's a mark that will never go away, it's how I'll never forget…"

He wanted to inquire more about it, he wanted to know more about _her_, but the sound of the locks coming undone and the door opening caught his attention, "sorry I'm late, I picked up Chinese food on the way over from that place down the street."

"That's fine," Kagome smiled as she slid off the dresser and picked up her things, "that smells good."

"Would you like some?"

"No, I'm tired, I'll see you tomorrow morning, Inuyasha."

"Bye," he muttered just barely before she closed the door behind her, a glimpse of a real smile was his reward.

* * *

**A/N:** Short chapter, I know but bear with me. I've got a hectic weekend and not too much time but I felt I needed to update and this chapter fulfilled all that I needed it to.

Thank you so much for the reviews and I hope that you keep to enjoy the story and review :)


	9. Resolution

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 9: **R**_esolution_ |x}

His narcotics… his dazing drugs were meant to keep the nightmares away, to dull them, to eradicate that part of him—or at least, make it numb. Now they were gone, and _it_ slowly crept to the surface.

"_Inuyasha," she whispered in a rush, the pretty, pale, maiden fell upon her floral sheets, her brunette strands in a disarray to frame her flushed, pink, cheeks as her russet eyes weakly stared up at him. "Is… is this wrong?"_

_He just shook his head at that, his tongue was tied though he tried to say 'yes, yes, _yes_'. Each time he struggled to say just one word but it never came out as he knelt down on the bed above her and placed one hand above her head, the other gently caressed her cheek before leaning down to let their eager lips meet. _

_Fleeting breaths swirled around the dark room as they mingled upon the bed, one of their hands intertwined with the others at all times._

_They would have gone all the way that night, regardless of the consequences, but the door bashed in and the voice that forever haunted the hanyou shouted, "what are you two doing!?"_

_Both were fully clothed but there really was no explaining their position, their fluster, so they just stared at awe at their 'father'._

That was when his eyes flew up and body jolted up, his breath shook almost as much as his body as he lifted a hand to his sweat covered forehead, "Inuyasha?" The sweet angle to his left inquired in a hush as she slid off the dresser, placing her book down silently but her presences went by unnoticed.

He was a sick fuck; _really_, he was the root of all her misery. It was _him_ that corrupted _her_; it would be _him_ who would surely ruin the new girl in his life. The one he wasn't worthy of, he never deserved either of them. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing as he leaned forward letting his face fall into his cupped hands.

Once his step-father caught them his sneaking suspicion of their not-so-sibling relationship was confirmed and the next day Kikyou was sent to an all-girls and all-year boarding school in Kyushu—he couldn't have sent her _further_ away and still be in Japan! It was meant to purify the poor girl of her brother's sinful ways; it was even a Catholic school where they would reform her and shepherd her into the light once more.

She probably found it… since she only sent him e-mails for a few months before they stopped arriving all together. The ones he sent her went unanswered—she forgot about him. Left him; forsaking him like everyone else. She cleansed herself of the taint he was, it was all _him_.

He grinded his teeth as he grasped his head in his hands, where did she go? Where was she right _now_? Was she happy? Miserable? Did she miss him like he missed her? Why'd she have to leave him? Why her? Anyone else could, his mother, his father, his friends, but not her. Never her. But she was gone… gone, and not a day went by that he didn't think about her.

Did she smell the same? Did she look different? Did marry? Did she have a family?

"Where are you?" He whispered, not at all feeling the pressure on his bed as Kagome kneeled next to him and cocked a brow.

"I'm right here, can't you see? That's no good; we'll need to take you to—"

Kagome was there? He didn't think—it was such a hassle—he just grasped her and pulled her to him so he could rest his forehead against her collarbone and take a deep, much needed, breath. Her hazels only widened at his gesture—Inuyasha? Inuyasha instigating the hug? Was that even heard of? She gawked at the very prospect before she realized what it had to be, _withdraw_. It was messing with his head, a smile returned to her lips and lightly patted him on that back with one hand and with the other smoothed his bed-hair down.

"I know you're here, I'm not blind," he griped back at her.

"Congratulations, today marks the two month anniversary of you being sober."

Sober… he hated it, every part of it, but maybe it _was_ really the answer? Yes, he was sure of it, he decided then and there that he would stay sober and… he'd find her. He just needed to see her, just to know she was OK; that was it… just so he could let her go. If she can let go, if she could become untainted, then maybe there was some hope for him, too?

That's when an odd thought popped into his head, what would Kagome think if she knew how revolting he really was? He could never tell her, _never ever_, because… he couldn't have her leaving him, too.

He would have nothing. He'd _be _nothing.

[…]

Breakfast at a quaint little corner café, with croissants, crepes, and coffee on a lovely spring day with a cool breeze, what better way was there to start the day? To him, all that mattered was that there was coffee; caffeine was his only allowed addiction. The food didn't matter, he wasn't hungry in the least bit but he ate because the girl he was with pouted her precious lips and fluttered her lashes at him. If it would keep her happy and _quiet_ then he'd force down the eggs and muffin.

For a few weeks he had been permitted supervised outings since they decided, honestly, they couldn't keep him locked away forever and he would probably go insane stuck in his studio. It never really crossed his mind to run away from any of them. Well, it did a few times but he never actually considered it, particularly when he was with the hazel eyed beauty though she'd be the easiest to get away from. He could avail the priest probably, the nurse would surely tackle him or at least try, but Kagome—his little guardian—would just be perplexed and pout about it. It was just amusing to be around her, she was in awe of the smallest little things and apparently spring was her favorite season.

"Hey," he muttered after their silent walk about the city, which was another thing he appreciated. She had long ago given up on pestering him and for the most part let him instigate a conversation otherwise she was fine with the hush that fell over them, just like he was. "Let's go in there," he requested with a nod towards a small little cathedral on the opposite side of the busy street than them.

"Why?"

"To see if it'll miraculously help, isn't that how it works?" He taunted some with a subtle smirk as he crossed over to enter the wooden doors.

"That's not how it works," she whispered back, "be respectful, seriously, Inuyasha."

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered back to her with a wave of his hand, the place was fairly empty so it was easy to find a pew for the two to silently sit in. With mild curiosity he watched as she made the sign of the cross and knelt down to pray, honestly, he couldn't get over how odd she was. Slowly, his golden gaze left her for the cross high on the wall.

Would it matter if he prayed, too? He really, really doubted it.

[…]

Truly, he had been acting so strange from the very start of the day. It wasn't out of the norm for him to pop up out of bed or stay quiet for a while but to _hug_ her? Yes, that was very weird. Then to go to a church and sit, motionlessly, staring at the wall for two hours straight? She couldn't help but worry, was there something bothering him particularly that day or was it just the whole withdraw ordeal? Honestly, she didn't know which would be better or which would be worse.

"How can you believe in this shit?" He inquired, finally breaking the creepy calm that had lulled around them. "After all, if He's real then He gave you that weak heart."

"And He's the one that gave me my savoir, too," she whispered, her hazels drifted from him to the bible tucked away in the pew.

He raised a brow to that but didn't bother to ask, her past was her burden to carry, his was his, and as long as he didn't probe around about hers then maybe she wouldn't his? What hell would break lose if she knew the truth? How sick he was? He just sighed and leaned forward to rest his head against the cool wood, "whatever."

[…]

Nikko had other hospitals than Saint Raphael's, any many of them were far larger, but that didn't make it any easier on the frail, worn, girl to find the one person she was looking for, the only person that could give her peace. Through the white spackled gray tile floors and white walled corridors she went, her bloodshot hazels glancing into every room she passed until she finally, _finally_, found the right nurse, "Kikyou-sama."

Some stun was on the fair skinned beauty's face as she glanced up from the chart she had been examining to the girl that called her name, "Kagome-chan, what are you doing out of your room? You really shouldn't be up."

"I know, but I had to talk to you, I haven't seen you all day. You are mad, aren't you? About yesterday, about Suikotsu-sensei, I'm—" her words were rushed and fumbling together as she rubbed her hands over and over upon each other before the kind hearted woman smiled and stopped her unneeded frenzy.

"Settle down, Kagome-chan, your operation is tomorrow, you need to rest. I don't hold anything against you; you're but a girl, a scared, poor, innocent girl. How could I be mad?"

"Kikyou-sama," she chocked and tried her best to blink away the tears that stung her eyes but she couldn't. How could she be so forgiving? How could she give her—the traitor—such a reassuring, warm smile? Truth be told, the only person Kagome had ever considered a true, loyal, comforting friend was Kikyou and she went behind her back to commit such an atrocity? How could she be absolved?

"Hush, hush, Kagome-chan," Kikyou soothed while she walked out of the nurse station to put an arm around the shaking girl's shoulders and lead her back to her room and tuck her in. "Everything will be alright, just rest."

"Kikyou-sama, do you have to leave?" Kagome quickly inquired after she had already reached out to grab her hand.

It took a moment but her smile returned and she shook her head as she sat down on the edge of Kagome's bed to cradle the girl in her arms, "no. I'll stay."

"I'm… frightened," she confessed, every time she was put to sleep for a surgery she wondered if it would be the last time.

"Don't be, everything will be fine."

"Do you really believe that? Will I really be alright? I hear the whispers, will the operation really work? Or will… I…?" She bit her bottom lip and shut her eyes, she had always been lingering on the fringe of life and the Hereafter but… that did not make it any easier to bear.

"It is a bit experimental," she muttered, "but I have faith in the procedure and so does Suikotsu, so just believe in it, too."

"I do, if you do," she sniffled. "I… I hear that… Suikotsu-sensei is planning to leave Saint Raphael's to go to it's sister hospital in Tokyo…"

"It will be a tragedy to lose him, he is such a wonderful cardiologist, but I believe it will be better for him there. In Tokyo he has family, a few brothers."

She sounded so sure, so stoic, did it not matter? Did she really not care for Suikotsu? Did that make her betrayal the day prior not really a betrayal at all? "I'll miss him, won't you?"

A pause lingered between them before a frown appeared, "yes, but I think it's for the best for me, too."

Kagome couldn't help but cock a brow at that as she pushed away to look up at her oddly, "I am sorry about yesterday. I love you more than I do Suikotsu-sensei, Kikyou-sama."

That won the nurse's smile back and even wiggled a real, rare, laugh from her before she kissed the girl on her forehead, "I love you more than I do Suikotsu, Kagome-chan."

"I am going to keep my promise to you," she asserted sternly, truly her utmost to look sincere and stronger even though she had never felt weaker than at that very moment. "Kikyou-sama, I'm going to get better, and I'm going to go find your brother and help him. I promise. I will. Because you are my savoir and everyone deserves that."

"Kagome-chan," Kikyou whispered as she brushed a few of her loose strands out of her face, "you really do not need to do that…"

"I insist."

"Well, if you insist, I have no way of stopping you, now do I?"

"No," she laughed meekly before closing her eyes and lying down once more, "I'm going to get better… I don't want to die."

"You will, Kagome-chan, I know you will."

[…]

"I'm going to stay sober," snapped the daydreaming damsel back to the real world, almost with the click of his locks before he leaned against his door to stare at the ceiling.

It took a moment or two for her to register what he said and mull it over—she did hear her right, didn't she? "That's good," she replied in a soft tone.

"I'm serious," he stated. He didn't like being sober, he hated withdraw, and he still desired little else than the release of a needle to his arm but he wouldn't do it. He'd fight against his naughty urges.

"Good," she smiled earnestly, "where did all this determination come from all of a sudden? Did going to church honestly help?" She knew it wasn't that but she couldn't help but tease and it did win her the affect she aimed for; his eyes darted to her in a bit of a glare.

"No," he grunted, "I just want to… you… you remember how I told you I have a younger sister?"

A pang pulsed through her heart; she almost lifted her hand to grasp at it but restrained herself to meekly mumble, "yes."

"I haven't seen her in… forever," he explained in almost a whisper as his sunlit stare dropped to the floor and nostalgia washed over his face. "I'm going to stay sober for her. I want to see her, just _see_, I don't really need to talk to her, I just want to know she's OK and that's all. I miss her… but I don't want to ruin whatever life she's built for herself."

"Inuyasha," Kagome muttered, "wherever… wherever she is, I know she wants to see you, too. I am more than certain that she misses you, too."

"Thanks," he grumbled, "but I doubt it." He couldn't hold her naiveté against her, though. She was young, innocent, she couldn't possible imagine the horrors he had caused his sibling.

"I'm sure," Kagome asserted as she took a step closer to him to reach out and tilt his chin up, "really… I am."

"Whatever," he sighed, "so, now that I'm sure about this, can't I be alone? I'm really sick of someone _always_ being here."

Her hazels had to wander about him some, then the studio, before she nodded ,"alright, Inuyasha. I trust you. I do."

"You are stupid to," he wanted to say, since, really, no good ever came from trusting him but he didn't, he just met her eyes and nodded, "good."

"I'll see you later then," there was no hiding the hesitation she felt about leaving him, she could tell he sensed it, too, but he seemed so sure and eventually he'd have to be alone… so she undid his deadbolts and opened the door, taking one last long look at him before saying goodbye and walking out.

It was really invigorating to be left to the peace and tranquility of his place all _alone. _It shouldn't have felt so strange but it did, like it was gift almost. But it wasn't, it was his _right_, since it was his place—a place he no longer paid the rent for.

Really, the one part of the whole 'rehab' thing that bothered him the most was that. He hated other people's charity, mostly when it came financially, too. Now that he could be alone, he couldn't—wouldn't—let that keep up, he'd have to find a way to make a living again. He wavered on what to do, though the voice in the back of his head was already whispering what he should, until he finally walked over to the laundry basket of clothes, he riffled through it until he found the right jeans, pulled out a card, and went for his phone.

"Kaguya?... Hey, it's me… yeah, it's been a while… uh-huh, whatever, sorry… right… wanna meet up?"

* * *

_**A/N**: _Sorry for the belated update and small chapter but I'm having writers-block problems with this story. I know what the major stuff I want to happen are but I'm just having problems connecting the dots. Anyway, thank you all very, very much for all the reviews. I hope to update this within the next week but I might not, I have two midterms to study for after all :(


	10. Reliance

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 10: **R**_eliance_ |x}

"I was surprised," a sultry voice that he knew oh so well cooed as she withdrew her silk scarf from around her milky neck to let it drop on the desk as she crossed her legs and leaned against it, no matter where she was, no matter what she did, her vixen aura radiated about her. Who would have ever thought that shed need to pay for sex?

Therein lies the rub, though, she didn't, she just liked to. She needed the complete domination that it guaranteed.

"I haven't heard from you in so long, I heard you quiet the biz," Kaguya kept up as her waves of ebony with a hint of blue cascaded over one of her shoulders, "I was rather proud, I think perhaps more words got through that infamously thick skull of yours, Shin?"

"It won't shock you," Inuyasha wearily began as he rubbed his arm and glanced away, "that I was an addict."

"Was?" She coaxed with a tilt of her head, "as in, past-tense, as in… no longer? Is that where you've been, rehab?"

"Yeah," something like that at least, "two months sober now."

"Bravo," she cheered and even freed her hands from her sassy pose to clap, "did my words get to you or… a friend, a girl perhaps?"

"Girl that happens to be a friend pretty much pushed the verdict onto me," he sighed as he folded his arms.

"Ow," she grinned, "I'd like to meet a girl that can force such a stubborn boy to do anything."

"She's a fiery one, that's for sure," he muttered as his feet shuffled around before he decided to finally get to the point, "she's pretty much been supporting my financially this whole time… I think she's rolling in it but I really hate that she…"

"I bet you would," Kaguya laughed lightly, "so you are coming to me for help? Perhaps that offer I once extended you is not yet expired?"

"That's what I was hoping," he muttered, "I don't know what good I'd be but… I'd do anything."

She hummed as she folded one arm in front of her generous bosom while her other hand went up t her chin as her eyes mulled him over, "my clientele is needy but I bet you'd be able to deal with them. Some of them will ask you for some pretty strange things but… if you are willing to be placed in an at-risk job then I think I have something that would fit you perfectly. More importantly," she winked, "you would make a shit load of money, sweetie."

"Sounds good to me," he grinned. It would probably just be in his best interest keep this little tidbit of info to himself for the time being… but how could he keep a secret from a girl that was already around?

[…]

Control over a fire is easily lost just like that of love: both keep you warm, both can aid you, but sometimes they can kill you too—they are creators and destroys. Love… is as capricious as the flickers fire brings. But love had one thing on fire, it was painful, worse than any burn could be. Physical agony could heal; medicine could dull the sensation, but emotional turmoil? Some were impossible to rid oneself from.

She was weak though she yearned to be otherwise, tears still stung at her eyes from such thoughts as she whipped her face clear of what she wished no longer fell. Sometimes, it was needed, sometimes, such thoughts could not be silenced, sometimes, the tears were rejuvenating. Just… not that time. She took in a shaky breath as she set her mug down and wrapped her arms around her legs to stare up at the sky filled with stars, that was why she lived outside the center of Tokyo, it was nearly impossible to see those hopeful glimmers in the citylights… that and the house was left to her there.

"I'm a bad person," she confessed as her fingers danced up to her simple golden cross, "I'm sorry for that. I'll repent for my sin forever… but you won't release me from this remorse, will you? It's a punishment, isn't it? I can't take it anymore…"

Just like every other time, there was no reply, not that she expected one. With another sniffled sigh she closed her hands to grasp the necklace tighter, "should I come clean?" For a flicker of a moment she felt a warmth in her aching heart that she hadn't in so long, a sign, a whisper—yes.

"I'll do that, I promise… just give me some time to build up some courage. I'm not as strong as you."

So she shut her eyes once more to wrap her blanket around her shoulders and leaned down on the couch to go to sleep, it was just as comfortable as her bed, if not more so why bother to go up the stairs?

Her last coherent thought before falling into slumber was—is Inuyasha alright? Had he slipped? Did he do something he'd regret… should she not have left?

[…]

"Inuyasha!" Kagome chimed as she knocked over and over upon his door, she had a key, she could just go in, but she felt that she should show him some respect, that she was willing to give him his space, that his studio was still _his_ and that she wouldn't infringe on that as long as he stayed good.

Yet there was no answer… a terrible twist formed in her gut as she kept her pounding up, "Inuyasha!"

"Stop it already!" A rash growl from behind her demanded, startling her enough that she jumped around to look at the glaring old man from across the hall, "you annoying girl! Always coming by, always shouting, shut the fuck up already!"

"I'm… sorry," she murmured.

"You—!"

"You shut the fuck up," a familiar coarse voice snarled as the door she leaned against opened up so that she fell into his chest, "go back into your place, you hermit. If I ever catch you yelling at my girl I'll beat the shit out of you."

"Inuyasha," Kagome whispered, "that's so rude."

"You know what?" he grunted as yanked her in and kicked the door closed, "he's right, you are really loud. It's too damn early for your yakking."

"It's well past noon," she rejoined as he let her go so she could turn around to look at the apparently just awoken hanyou, "how is it you can sleep so late?"

"How is it that you can get up so early?" He countered as he stretched his arms above his head before plopping down on his raggedy red couch, "I'm going back to sleep, you can do whatever you want."

"You sound chipper, better then usual, did having a night alone make you feel better?" She teased with a giggle while she ventured to the fridge to find some of the juice she had bought.

"I didn't do any drugs, if that's what ya' are trying to get at," Inuyasha grunted as he wrapped his arms around himself and rolled over on his side to face the back of the couch. "I'm clean, I'm gonna stay clean, I told you that."

"Right," she murmured, "so you can find your sister…?"

"Yeah," he yawned, "that's all I wanna do. I'll be good, so don't worry."

"I trust you," she assured as she poured herself a glass, pausing for a moment in the process, "Inuyasha… have you drank any of the juice? The pomegranate one?"

"Maybe, I don't remember," he replied, "why?"

"Did you drink it right out of the jug…? Like you do with the orange juice?"

He couldn't help but grin at the appalled tone she used, "no."

"You are lying, Inuyasha!" She gasped, "that is so unhygienic! Other people drink from this stuff! Now I just wasted a whole glass of juice!"

"It's my place," he countered.

"I bought this juice," she retorted.

"Whatever," he snickered; it would only be a short while longer that she'd be the one buying his groceries. "You don't have a job, do ya', Kagome?"

"Why do you ask?"

"'Cause you are always here to annoy me, I gotta figure you are just loaded because of family money or something, huh?"

"I swear we've had this conversation before," she sighed as she slowly walked up to the back of the couch to rest upon it.

He shook his head, "I don't think so. Is that your way of saying 'no comment'?"

"Why are you asking all of a sudden? Do you want me to leave you be?" She pouted as she folded her arms upon the top of the couch to stare down at his peaceful façade—was he truly that convicted to his new goal? Was the idea of relocating his sister that precious to him that he would willingly endure the withdraw from there on out? She couldn't help but ache at the thought, at the intensity of his love for another.

"I just need space," he countered, "I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

"Ouch, that's what people say because a 'let's start seeing other people' statement is added," she taunted.

"If you haven't noticed yet, I'm not a people person," he muttered as he opened his golden orbs to look up at her, "I really will go crazy if I have to live the rest of my life under your microscope, you said you trust me… so prove it. I have a reason to stay clean, a damn good one if you ask me; I'm not going back to that stuff… I'm kinda getting used to the whole sober sensation."

"OK," she softly assured, "whenever you need some 'time alone' just tell me."

"Great," he grinned, "now leave me alone so I can sleep."

"No," she dragged out, "it's such a waste to sleep such a pretty day away."

"You are such a pain in my—"

"Eh, eh, eh," she wagged her finger at him, "no cursing."

"You are going to drive me crazy," he grumbled as he dragged his hand down his face.

[…]

She trusted him, she should, she knew it, what had he done to not earn it? But… there was just something odd about all the times he looked at his phone then to her, saying the magic three words 'I need space' and then disappearing. Why did he need it all of a sudden…? Away from his studio? She understood if it was in his place but outside…?

She tried not pry, she tried to think the best of it but… when her priest friend inquired about the same odd occurrence while him and Inuyasha were out doing this and that then she became more concerned. Sango even became curious about what he was up to; generally that nurse couldn't have cared less but…

What was he up to?

It was wrong, oh-so wrong, but she followed him one of those nights when he stated that he 'needed some time'. It was difficult; she had to wear an oversized hoodie to make sure he didn't notice her and a boat-load of foul smelling cologne so he wouldn't pick up on her scent. Miroku told her not to do that, Sango shook her head, but she did so anyway. Through the dark streets, his head always turned to look over his shoulder—where was he going that he had to do such a thing every turn?

Did he fall off the wagon and she just didn't notice over the third month of soberness? No… she would have, right? Then what was he up to?

Alcohol? That would have been the easy answer when she saw him enter a bar, with a deep breath she followed him in to watch from the far end as he went up to the bar to meet with someone, from the distance she could tell out the essentials. A tan, toned man with long brown hair held up in a pony-tail and pointed ears, perhaps even crystal blue eyes?

Who was that? A friend?

How awful… she stalked him while he went to meet a friend, he didn't even order a drink in the half hour that she spent watching him. Nothing but guilt set in. She had to cleanse herself of her misdeed as she left the bar and gave the hoodie away to the first homeless man she came across then hopped into a cab to ride across town to her sanctuary.

The place that could give her some sort of solace, the church where she first confessed her sin that she could never take back…

"I'm sorry," she whispered after she had made the sign of the cross and knelt down at the pew, "I shouldn't have done that. I just… I'm sorry. I'm worried about him… I really think that I might like him more than I'm meant to. I can't help but care…"

For she was nearly certain of one thing, the heart that beat inside her chambers now… throbbed and lived on for him and him alone.

[…]

It was a hassle she hadn't minded for a while, the long train ride between her home and his followed by the trek through his not-so-nice part of town and up his crappy apartment building to knock on the door that took forever to open up but, for some reason, that morning she did. She simply wasn't in the mood and couldn't figure out why… he wasn't doing anything wrong, was he? He hadn't gotten himself into trouble had he? After all she had done to keep him safe, all she was willing to sacrifice for him, had he betrayed her trust?

Did she even have a right to think like that?

"Inuyasha," she sighed loudly as she tapped on his door once more, "it's almost one you really should be awake."

A slow set of footsteps caught her intention instead as she glanced down the hallway to watch as a familiar figure walked up the stairs, his silver tresses were in disarray as he rubbed his head and yawned, the groggiest look upon his face. He was actually dressed well for once, a white button-up long sleeve shirt, a pair of black slacks, and a nice jacket. Where'd he get them…? Though, they weren't kept pleasant looking, he had his sleeves rolled up, his collar undone, his jacket slung over his shoulder—he looked like such a mess, what had he been up to?

She'd seen that look on him before and the lipstick smuggest she caught sight of on his collar helped reinforce the terrible feeling in her gut.

"Kagome," he greeted with another yawn as he dug into his pockets to find his keys and open the door, "what are ya' doin' here so early?"

"Seriously, Inuyasha?" She snapped back, "it's one in the afternoon."

"Is it?" He mulled over as he walked in, holding the door open enough so she could stomp her way in and cross her arms under her rather large bosom, "what?"

"Are you just now getting back from your 'time out' last night?"

"And what if I am?" He countered with a narrowed gaze, "what's it to you?"

"Don't even try that with me," she ordered, "what were you doing last night?"

"I wasn't doing any drugs," he assured as he threw his jacket down upon the couch and headed to his fridge to pull out his jug of orange juice to drink straight out of—just to annoy her, like it always did.

"Well, if you weren't doing any then why won't you tell me what you _were_ doing?" She insisted as she walked up to the counter that separated them and placed a hand firmly down upon it and with her other pointed at his collar, "you have some pink lipstick there, by the way."

"Jesus, women," he scowled, "you know what you're acting like? Some freakin' crazy, jealous girlfriend, just leave me be."

She might have argued with him as he slammed the juice back into the fridge and walked over to his closet to change but she was far to stunned to think of something so trivial anymore, instead she didn't budge from her spot as she stared wide-eyed at nothing at all. He was… right, that was exactly what she was acting like. Sure, she had seen that look on him before, sure it had always been after she had followed him to his previous-employment but it wasn't until she saw the lipstick that she got truly angered. _Was_ she jealous that he might have been out the night before doing a little something-something with some hoochy? Wait, why did the girl have to be a hoochy? She shut her eyes as she pressed her lips together.

What was wrong with her…?

"I'm sorry," she murmured as she placed a hand on her head once he walked back into her proximity, "I don't know what's gotten into me lately… since I woke up this morning I haven't been feeling very well and I'm taking it out on you, I am sorry, Inuyasha."

Generally, she didn't lose her temper with him—actually, he couldn't think of one time prior where she had and he hadn't deserved it like, for instance, pulling her into the tub with him that one time… so he could let it go, everyone had bad days, but he couldn't help but ask as he walked up to stand right next to her, "you mean not well as in ill?"

Her hazels flickered up to him to see where his stare was, if anyone else chose to gawk at her breasts like that she would have scolded them but he wasn't being perverse, just considered. That brought a smile to her lips as she raised her hand up to the left side of her chest, "no, it's not that. I feel fine, I'm just in a bad mood, I guess."

"Oh," he nodded as he flicked his nose, "you are PMSing, huh? I should have noticed that."

"Inuyasha!" She shrieked, he couldn't help but chuckle at that, "that's so rude! Please learn some manners!"

"Stop you're whining, woman," he grinned.

She just puffed out in irritation once more, "I've come over so we could buy some groceries, I noticed yesterday you were running low on supplies."

"Don't worry, I've got it under control," he shrugged nonchalantly as he walked over to sit upon his couch.

"Please, can we not have this argument this one time?"

"I'm not arguing," he countered, "I've really got it under control, so don't worry about that anymore, or paying my rent."

"Inuyasha…" she murmured as she walked over to him, her hands upon her hips. For the first time in quite a while, she was certain he was serious, "you come back from being gone all night looking like a mess… lipstick stains… and now you have money?"

"What are you implying, woman?" He snickered back.

"You know what I am," she whispered with a frown, she hadn't that she had to… but what else made sense?

"That's about right," he sarcastically chuckled, "where'd all that trust you were yakking about go?"

"What am I supposed to think, Inuyasha?" She inquired, "where'd this sudden influx of money come from if not from… your former work?"

"I got a job, crazy, right? Me, of all people, learning to be responsible?" He gripped, "who would have thought?"

"Inuyasha," she sighed, "stop giving me attitude, what is this 'job' of yours?"

"Keh, I work for this woman I know. She got me a job at her company; she caters to purely female clientele, celebrities, diplomat's kids, and rich people, whatever. I'm a body guard, she thought I'd be good at it cause she knows I'm a good fighter and apparently I'm a 'protective' person," he ridiculed, "but it's an alright gig. I've been tending to this little freakin' diva Hitota Ayame for the past month though. I swear, sometimes I feel like if someone doesn't kill her, I will."

"Wait…" Kagome murmured before she knelt down on the couch next to him, "that sounds dangerous, a body guard? Inuyasha, maybe you shouldn't—"

"It's not, don't worry about it, she's got like five of us around her all the time and no one's tried anything yet. For the most part we just throw guys that want to fuck her too badly and won't leave her alone out of the clubs and bars and shitty places she keeps going to. It's terrible, I hate those places, she parties all the freakin' time, and I doubt she's very smart, either. But I get paid well and she really ain't in any danger, her daddy just owns a ton of business and has a shit-load of money to waste so he pays to have her baby-sat essentially."

"Are you sure…? Or are you just lying to try and make me feel better?"

"I'm sure. But, damn it, she makes me do the weirdest shit, too," he complained, "like I'm her maid or something, 'oh, Inu-puppy get me a bottle of sparking water', I mean, what the fuck? What the hell's the point of water the sparkles? Jesus, this girl ticks me off."

She grasped his lips together and shook his head, "stop cursing so much. Does this Hitota Ayame girl like you a bit too much?" She teased as she let her fingers slid down to his collar.

"She does that to all of us when she gets drunk," he grumbled.

"I see," she muttered as she tilted her head to the side and glanced up to his golden gaze, "Inuyasha… I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have accused you like that… it's just this month you've been acting so strange, I was worried. Next time, can you just tell me what's going on instead of keeping me in the dark?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," he shrugged, though, he had only not told her to try and _keep_ her from worrying. He knew the whole 'body-guard' part would cause anxiety to rise up in the fragile hearted girl.

He had a decent job, he was clean, and he was getting his life together… but that was all because of one goal, not her determination to keep him sober, but his own… for that pretty-fair-skinned sister of his, her smile faded at that thought as she slid off the couch to carry on another day in the dimness of the girl that was once there instead of her.

Again, to another darling man, she was overshadowed, too late…

* * *

_**A/N**_: I know I said I would pay pretty much sole attention to A Rose By Any Other Name but then I had some time and a strange surge of inspiration to write another chapter to this story so I figured, why study for my exam on Friday when I could write instead? It made sense to me :)

**Please **keep **reviewing **and thank you everyone that has.


	11. Regret

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 11: **R**_egret_ |x}

A beating pulse banged about along with the seizing bodies hidden in dimmed lights with flickers of vibrant colors amid the aroma of an array of alcohol—some good, some bad. Laughter pierced above the music every once and a while along with shouting voices. Constantly, girls grinned against guys upon the dance floor that beckoned so many high-class types—since, really, who else could get into such a club?

No-society, low at best, could if and only if they were escorted by the rich, popular, sometimes beautiful, sometimes not—all the girls were, most the guys weren't, what did that say about 'society'? Like the silver haired, golden gazed, hanyou that leaned against the navy walls to watch the red-head dance about.

_He hated such places_.

Clubs were too loud for his delicate ears and some of the people really reeked of temping things… drugs, alcohol, _sex_. So, so many of them stunk of the former, particularly any man that danced with Hitota Ayame and her curvy figure—and friendly, at that.

"That girl really gets down to it, eh?" A blue-eyed man asked as he tilted his head to the side some to let his lecherous gaze flutter over the wolf-demon they were charged to watch and protect but _forbidden _to touch.

"Shut your trap already," Inuyasha gripped back, "if you wanna fuck her, then fuck her, stop talkin' about it, Kouga."

"I don't want to do that," Kouga chuckled, "she's too easy, I could get her in bed without trying. That type of chick bores me, I like a challenge. Sweet virgins, _they_ are the best." To emphasize such, he took a deep breath in with a large smirk upon his lips.

"Whatever," he sighed.

"Have you ever fucked a virgin, mutt?"

Truth be told? No, he never had. Odd, huh? He'd had sex so many times but never with a virgin, the people that paid for him were already experienced but he didn't see the appeal in it really. It was always shorter the first time and the girl was always hurting, so what was so entertaining about that? And in reality, the girl rarely felt unbridled bliss the first time, either.

"How about you go fuck yourself?"

"Is that the type of thing you're in to? I've been wondering, since all these ladies keep lookin' at ya' asking for dirty shit to be done to them but you ignore 'em. You prefer just jerking yourself off?"

"You prefer being a jerk-off?"

The wolf demon couldn't help but chuckle once more, "breaking a girl's hymen is such a great feeling. To see them cringe then fuck them until they forget about the pain, it's _good_."

"All the goddamn time, sex this, sex that, do you ever think of something else?"

"There's something seriously wrong with you," Kouga grunted back, "you never talk about it. Are you gay? Is that it? You're a fag?"

"Keh," he grinned, "with the way you act with your buddies I'd say that'd be you. Or, at least, Hakkaku and Ginta got a crush on you."

"Fuck you," Kouga snarled before he walked off, just as Inuyasha had hoped.

With an irritated sigh he reached into his black pants pocket to grab his vibrating phone and look at it, right away his brows flexed together, rarely did Kagome call him anymore when she knew he was at work. A month had passed since he confessed his career choice to her, at first she was reluctant even though he told her it was fine, but then she seemed to get on bored with it.

She even decided it was sort of perfect for him, he was a night person and he was generally called to go with his charge, Ayame, to clubs at nights to push through the paparazzi and sometimes—though, if you'd ask him he'd say he never did—punch the fuckers out and stomp of their overly-expensive cameras when they wouldn't leave Ayame alone. Moreover, regardless of if he'd admit it or not, she swore he had a protective spirit just like Kaguya had predicted. And as long as he wasn't in any real danger then she supported him.

Not to mention, even though he was surrounded by narcotics constantly he still made it to his fourth month of sobriety.

So, the fact that she was calling him struck him as odd and plenty worthy of stepping out of the club to answer, "hey, what's up?"

What he heard broke his heart, sobs, sniffles, and then finally a terrible attempt at, "Inuyasha."

"Kagome?" He chimed back, "what's wrong? What happened? Are you alright?" All her heard was her crying more, "hey, is it your heart? Is that it? Are you at the hospital? Come on; tell me something, you're freakin' me out here."

"Sorry," she sniffled before she barely managed to say, "I'm sorry… but I won't see you anytime soon, 'kay?"

"Why?" he sped, "why? _Why_? Kagome, tell me, damn it, are you OK?"

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have called you while you're at work…"

"If you don't tell me right now what's wrong I'm leaving to find you."

That got her sniffles to stop and a silent pause to start; she had to know he was telling the truth, "I just got a call. My grandpa is in the hospital… he's ill. I'll be going back to Nikko to see him. The… Inuyasha, the doctor said it doesn't look good. What do I do? He's all I have left… what would I do if something happened to him?"

"Kagome," he murmured back, "how about this? I'll come over to see you, a'right?"

"No, you shouldn't leave work."

"I don't care, you sound—"

"I'm not even at my home, I'm outside my church. I've been here for an hour praying for grandpa, I just… I wanted to call you I guess. I thought it would make me feel better."

"That place where Miroku works, right? That's your church?"

"Yeah."

"That place ain't so far from the club I'm at; it's a five minute walk at tops, just wait there—"

"No, really, you can't just walk out. You said you wanted to be more responsible, right? That's the opposite. At a job, you can't just do that." Of course, she knew a protest was going to come so she added, "how about I come see you instead? That way you won't leave work… and as awful as it seems, I kinda want something to drink."

"I don't know, you'd hate it here…"

"What's it called? I'll just get a cab," since she was sure that he'd offer to pick her up if she insisted on walking. So, he reluctantly agreed to give her the name and waited outside to get her out of the cab and into the club while others waited in a large line just to get a sight of the place.

He was right, she disliked the atmosphere and almost everything about it, but his hand was on the small of her back leading her around and that made everyone else bearable—was that alright?

"Here, just stay at the bar," he suggested as he pulled out a funny shaped probably 'stylish' stool for her to sit on, "I'll be right back, don't go wondering of, OK?"

"Alright," she nodded. Almost instantly she felt a presence beside, with reluctance she looked over to see a rather handsome man leaning against the bar next to him, the most piercing blue eyes. He looked familiar… had she seen him before?

"Excuse me, but I _do_ think it's time we met," he grinned, surely he thought he was charming, most likely that pick up line had worked countless times for him before but she just sighed and turned her head.

"Not now, please go away."

"How can I when you're the prettiest girl in this whole place?"

She certainly doubted that, not that she thought herself unattractive it was just she didn't flaunt her features like those around her did, she wore what some would consider 'conservative' clothing, not showing any of her cleavage at all. "There are plenty of fish in the sea, bub."

"Of course there are, babe," he winked as he pulled up a stool to sit right next to her, "but you're the only one I'd love to catch and mount back at my place."

Her mouth literally dropped open at that as she turned her head back to stare wide-eyed at him, did he _really_ just say that?

"You look upset, babe, and your eyes are all red from cryin'," he observed as he placed his arm upon the back of her chair and twisted to face her, "I can't stand to see such a beautiful girl so sad, so why not tell me what's wrong while I buy you something to drink?"

When he made his goal so obvious then why would she agree? Because… it did help to talk about her problems and she did want a drink. More importantly, he'd never get what he wanted because Inuyasha would surely return and the charming demon would back off when he saw she was with someone—though… she wasn't _with _Inuyasha, why'd she keep thinking like that?

All the same, she allowed him to buy her a drink, he was sure he knew what she'd like, too, so he ordered for her. As soon as they got their drinks she slowly began to explain her woes as she took a sip of her Cosmo every now and then.

"Wait, Nikko?" For the first time, he sounded genuinely interested—he even dropped his sultry tone for his naturally attractive husky voice.

"Uh-huh," she nodded, "that's where I'm from. My family has always tended to a shrine there."

"No way," he gawked, "really? I'm from there to, what's your name, babe?"

"Higurashi Kagome."

"I'm Akimoto Kouga, I know you grandpa."

"No you don't," she replied wryly.

"No, I really do," he assured, "my grandpa Akimoto Kin always went to the temple you guys tended to, your grandpa always came over to share weird ass tales of old times with mine. He'd always tell me these old stories about your temple and how it was named after a legendary jewel called the shikon."

That _was_ her grandpa in a nutshell; she couldn't help but awe at how small the world was at times, "I remember your grandpa now that I think about it. How is he?"

"Passed away last year," he frowned.

"I'm sorry."

"Naw, it's alright, it happens," he shrugged, "but am I sorry to hear about you grandpas, when you go see him tell him Akimoto Kouga wishes him the best. He was always a resilient old man, I'm sure he'll be alright."

"Thank you," Kagome replied right as she felt an arm around her shoulders tug her into someone's chest.

"Leave her the fuck alone, Kouga," a harsh tone she knew so well barked.

"You aren't here with this guy, are ya'?" Kouga gripped as he thumbed to Inuyasha, "you can do so much better, baby."

"Like _you_?" Inuyasha muttered, "all he wants to do is screw you, trust me."

"Hell, you don't know me," Kouga countered.

"Boys, boys," Kagome interrupted, "please, settle down."

"I was just having a conversation with the lady, we're from the same town, I even know her grandpa," Kouga explained.

"Sure you do," Inuyasha growled.

"He does," Kagome assured as she pushed away enough to look up at the enraged man, "settle down, jeez, why are you always so rude?"

"What?" Inuyasha snapped back right as a set of thin arms wrapped around him, suddenly, so he almost lost his balance but barely caught it with his grasp on the waist of the girl that had jumped him.

"Yasha-kun!" The emerald eyed girl chimed as she leaned up to kiss him abruptly upon the lips, "I love you, you sexy, sexy man!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," he muttered as he undid her arms and turned her around to push her towards Ginta, which, she promptly went to do the same thing to.

"She's drunk," Kouga chuckled.

Kagome couldn't help but odd with a raised brow, "You have an odd job, Inuyasha…"

"You're telling me," he grunted, "I think we should take her home."

"I agree," Kouga nodded as he stood up while his hand wandered in his pocket to pull out a card, "that's my number, babe, call me when you get back, alright? I'd like to hear how grandpa is doing."

"I will, thank you for your kind words," Kagome assured with a smile as she watched him walk off to grab the wobbling Ayame. The next thing she knew the card was snatched from her hand, she had to look up to see Inuyasha tear it apart. "Inuyasha!"

"I'll tell him for you, stay away from that dick," Inuyasha ordered.

"You are so rude!"

[…]

The station for the train was so busy, even early in the morning, she felt the fragile, feeble, beating organ within her was about to burst while she waited for hers to arrive. What if her grandpa…? What if… Her even breath she had been trying so hard to keep since she awoke to keep was lost before a hand grabbed her shoulder. With a sniffle and a quick wipe of her eyes she glanced up to the man who stood right next to her.

Somehow, everything was instantly better.

"Inuyasha," she smiled, "I told you that you didn't have to come."

"I wanted to," assured with a shrugged as he shoved his hands back into his packets, "how ya' doing?"

"OK," she supposed, "as well as I could in such circumstances."

"Would," he paused, "would… it help if you didn't go alone?"

"Who would I go with?" She innocently inquired.

"I have some time off, I could take a few days if you want," he replied nonchalantly.

"Really…? You'd do that for me?" She murmured. "I couldn't ask you to do that…"

"I," he pressed his lips briefly, "I want to, you've do a lot for me. It's the least I can do."

"I don't know… really, maybe you shouldn't. Do you have that much time? I'll be there for a few days. I don't want to be a burden on you. You're new at work, too."

"I've been there for two months, it'll be fine, what… do you just not want to come with? Just say so if that's it."

"But," she bit her bottom lip, that wasn't it at all. It was just… her grandpa had been taken to St. Raphael's. As if she didn't have enough to worry about as it was, she had to become ever so anxious about simply returning to that place—and to bring Inuyasha of all people with her?

_What if…_

But the way he unknowingly gave her precious pleading puppy eyes… how could she say no? In the end, they boarded the train together. Too bad, they wouldn't return the same way.

[…]

Wearily Kagome led him to the imposing figure that was St. Raphael's, even more reluctantly she entered the place with him. Kindly, he misunderstood her oddly silent behavior and worried gaze as something related to her grandfather—which, was partly true. To help her he even took her hand and squeezed it. For that, she had to manage a smile as they walked up a flight of steps to avoid the busy elevator and walk towards the room that she was told her grandfather was in.

Only to hear a familiar sound, his raised voice scolding a nurse for treating him like he was an old man before he spewed into a random tale about how things were in the old days—the ones from even before when he was born.

"He's alright," Kagome sighed as she squeezed Inuyasha's hand back, "he must be."

"Kagome! My beautiful grandbaby!" Her grandfather called out the moment he saw her in the doorway, "you've come to free me from this horrid place!"

"No, grandpa," she giggled as she freed her hand from Inuyasha's to grasp hers before her body, "not until the doctor says it's alright to."

"He actually will be fine by tomorrow," the nurse assured, "he just needs to add some vitamins to his diet and he probably won't be coming back anytime soon. He's actually quite healthy; it's impressive in a man his age."

"Thank you," Kagome whispered back, "and I'm sorry about his behavior, he's sort of senile."

"Not a problem," the nurse replied with a nod before she walked up to Kagome to silently said, "your grandpa's mind is feeble, he gets confused between his stories and reality. I think it would be best if he came to the hospital regularly to try and help him."

"I'm not senile!" Her grandpa shouted.

"Thank, I will talk him into it," Kagome smiled back before the nurse walked over to Inuyasha and nodded to him before she exited the room.

"Nor deaf, apparently," Kagome murmured as she walked up to his bed but by then his old eyes were no longer on her but the boy she had been with.

"Who are _you_?"

"Grandpa, this is my friend Inuyasha, please be nice," Kagome whispered harshly.

"You look like a delinquent," he countered with narrowed eyes, "if you dare lay a finger on my grandbaby I'll place a terrible curse on you!"

"Grandpa," Kagome hushed.

"Don't worry, old man," Inuyasha assured.

"I don't trust you," he muttered, "don't you dare impregnate her!"

Instantly, Kagome's cheeks flushed with color as her eyes darted away, "don't say that so loud, grandpa."

She barely managed to talk through her embarrassment while the stunned Inuyasha couldn't even grasp the idea of speaking until he took a step away and cleared his throat, "I'm… gonna go to the cafeteria to get something to drink. I'll let you two catch up."

"Grandpa, you are so embarrassing," Kagome complained as she pulled a seat up to his bed with a sigh.

"Is that the boy that you went to Tokyo for?" Her grandpa countered rather bitterly. "I don't understand why Kikyou-sama could not just go herself… why did she have to place such a burden on my ill grandbaby?"

"I wanted to do this for Kikyou-sama," Kagome insisted weakly, "I'm happy to…"

"I saw her the other day," he grandpa murmured before a more pressing matter apparently came to mind. "That boy has issues, once you finish whatever it is you are supposed to do, please," he plead with a rare serious façade as he placed one of his wrinkled hands upon her tightly clasped ones, "come home. I know a nice young boy from a good family that you can marry. Akitoki Houjo—"

"Grandfather," she sighed, "I've told you a thousand times _no_. I don't like him like that."

"But you two grew up together, you two are friends, friendships build the best marriages! This whole love thing that people are so interested in recent generations is foolish," he scoffed, "my parents decided that I should marry your grandmother, and I was very happy for a very long time. His family has a well established pharmaceutical company, too. He'll be able to provide for you once I am gone."

"Grandpa, I'm fine, please don't worry about me. We both know you'll live to be the oldest man on earth," she teased with her loving smile as she patted her hands on top of his.

"You are all I live for," he murmured as he shut his eyes, he was an elder fellow and had been through so much, it was reasonable that he was tired so early in the day. "It's a parent's worst nightmare to outlive his child… if not for you I don't know what I would have done. If not for Kikyou-sama or Suikotsu-sensei I do not know… what would have become of me."

"Without you… I wouldn't have made it," she whispered back as she got up enough to kiss his forehead, "go to sleep, grandpa. I'll be back tomorrow to see you."

"To check me out of here!" he protested before yawning, "stay at the house… don't waste money on a hotel."

"Of course, you just rest," she lifted the sheets up to his shoulders before turning off the lights and gently closing the door.

Once upon a time, she lived only for the aged man in the room behind her and a promise she made to someone precious to her… now, for the first time in all her life, she felt a wonderfully warm feeling that gave her existence meaning. And what sparked this? The sight of the silver haired hanyou walking back down the hallway with a coffee in hand to see her.

[…]

After a cab ride they arrived at her childhood home, a quaint two-story home in the midst of greenery and next to a well-kept shrine. Often, the prodigal child felt terrible about leaving her grandfather to take care of it all by himself so upon leaving she hired a keeper to help him. She should have known that once she had left he would dismiss the girl and not tell him until she returned to visit him once. It was useless to try and change his mind.

"Nice place," Inuyasha commented as they entered her home and slid off their shoes, "this is where you grew up, right?"

"Yeah, I love this place," she smiled.

It was a delusion, a happy one at that, but for the rest of the day she pretended as if they were joyfully living together. She cooked for him, they talked like any other day, it was perfect… just like how it was every time she spent it at his studio but there was something different being in her home town, in her childhood home, in a fine place to live happily ever after…

But that could never be them, now could it?

She made a wonderful dinner to boot; she made mizutaki, sukiyaki, and even udon-suki. She could tell right away Inuyasha was in heaven with all the food that he could devour. Though, it was obvious he felt a bit out of place in the generally traditional home. They'd have to sleep on a futon, ate at a table which they had to kneel at, other than the kitchen nothing was modern. He had grown up in a modern home, he told her—oddly enough, he talked more and more about his childhood while they were there.

The most awkward feeling fluttered about her chest, her gut, her everything once they parted ways to go to sleep. He took the guest room downstairs; she slept in the room that was always hers… it felt like old times when she changed into her white sleeping yukata, she was sure he was doing the same, too.

Sleep didn't come easily to her, she shifted about, sighed, and barely could keep her eyes closed so… she got up to go downstairs and make herself some warm tea, perhaps that would help her achieve slumber.

Her breath was hitched in her throat when she saw Inuyasha had thought something similar; expect he just wanted water since tea wasn't his thing.

"Hi," she murmured as she placed the pot onto the stove, "can't sleep?"

He shook her head, "I'm not really tired, I guess."

"Me either," she whispered as her eyes flickered between the pot and his, which constantly shifted to her and away. There was something there… that bothered them both. Or teased them?

They couldn't keep quiet, it would be torturous, "do you like it here or do you miss the city?"

"It's alright," he shrugged, "it different, there is actually fresh air out here…"

"Yeah," she smiled, "I like that, I miss it when I'm in Tokyo."

"Why did you move to Tokyo?"

"For something different," she murmured as he removed the whistling pot and poured herself a glass. Somewhere along the way she looked to Inuyasha and lost track of her hand coordination to drop the cup to splash everywhere, "oh, no!"

"Here, let me help," Inuyasha insisted as they both knelt down, it was a mistake that they almost hit each other but didn't that while they were both whipping the tea away they brushed their hands together. It was a mistake, but the little contact…

She placed the cup on the counter as he placed the rag there, "thanks."

"You're such a klutz," he teased with one of his classic grins.

"I know," she replied before she stepped away, he did at the same time, too, mistakenly blocking her. She stepped aside; he did the same, once more, another time… until they both just stopped, "we're out of sync today, aren't we?"

"Seems like it," he murmured.

"Thank you," she coaxed as she stepped closer to him, "for coming with me…"

"Not a problem," he mumbled back as his golden gaze flickered across her pretty face that was ever so near him. He leaned closer, she did, too, and somehow—neither were too certain who sparked it, both, perhaps?—their lips met as their eyes shut. His arms were the first to wrap around her, she palced hers upon his chest until sense returned to her.

_It was wrong…_

She pushed him away, not bothering to open her eyes, and covered her mouth as she fumbled through, "I… need to go to bed…" then rushed up the stairs with her frenzied beating heart.

He was left to wonder why…

[…]

The next morning she was up bright and early, dressed and ready to escape the anxious place to visit her senile grandpa. She hoped dearly that her companion was sleeping in late as he always did. Cautiously, she walked down the stairs as quietly as possible. Her beating chamber almost stopped completely to find Inuyasha uncharacteristically awake already, sitting at the table with a cup of steaming coffee.

They looked to each other, silently, then away as she started towards the door where she slipped her shoes on and placed her hand upon the door… but stopped and let go of the breath she knew she was holding to turn around and walk back into sight.

"We should talk…"

"I understand," he murmured back, "it was a mistake… you were upset, worried about your grandpa and I wasn't thinking straight, that's all."

Though, he did not sound certain of himself, that perhaps he was waiting—wanting?—her to counter that, to say 'no, you're wrong,' she just pressed her lips together and nodded before leaving. He wasn't right, there were bigger reasons behind it but he had the right idea—they shouldn't be… it wasn't fair, she couldn't allow it.

Even if she wanted that, more than anything… when had everything gone so wrong?

[…]

He didn't know what to do with himself when hours had passed without her return. He tried not to think about it, she wasn't avoiding him just visiting her grandpa that's all. Maybe she had a set of cards around? He could play solitude, there was no to TV there just like at his studio—which he really didn't care about. So he wandered about, rummaging through drawers here and there. Finally, he found the red patterned set of cards but before he shut it a picture caught his eye.

One that made his breath stop.

Slowly, he reached in to get a better look at the photo that had to be a lie. A completely lie. His eyes were lying, the photo was a farce. It could not be true because… because… there was no way that it was really Kagome standing, smiling, with an arm around the waist of none other than his younger sister, his Kikyou who was also smiling.

How could that be…?

She had known her the whole time? What the fuck did that mean? He yanked open the door more to grasp the container that held the rest of the photos—she had invaded his privacy once, why not return the favor? Each photo made his hand shake more and more, his breath quicken, what the _hell_? He scattered the photos of the two of them, at a hospital, at a park, then a familiar doctor.

When the door opened and shut he was there to grasp Kagome's arm and push her against the wall quicker than she could comprehend.

"Inuyasha?" She murmured, dazed, as she glanced about him, "what's going on…?"

"What the fuck is this?" He growled as he shook a photo in front of him, "what _the_ fuck?"

Her brows flexed as she glanced up to him then the photo, right away all the confusion disappeared. Oh… that explained that. "Wh… where did you get that?"

"Does that matter? What the fuck are doing? Huh? What do you want from me? You've known Kikyou all this time? What the _fuck_, Kagome?"

"I… I…" she simply shut her eyes and covered her face with both her hands instead of saying another word.

"You better explain it _now_," Inuyasha snarled as he shook her lightly, "damn it, _now_."

"K… Kikyou-sama," she murmured as she slowly dragged her hands down to her nose, so she could look at him weakly. "She was my nurse when I was admitted to St. Raphael's all those times. I don't know what I would have done without her. I could tell her anything, she was always willing to listen and she was so kind…"

"So… you've known all along? That she was my sister?"

She just nodded to that.

"Is that why you found me? Is it?" He scowled. "Why you were so annoying about _helping_ me?"

"Yes…" she meekly replied as she looked up at his angered ambers.

"_Why_?"

"B… because…"

"Why?" He repeated as he slammed his fists against the wall beside her head, causing her to jump some and inhale swiftly. "Tell me, damn it!"

"I… for… forgiveness," she stuttered, "I wanted to help you to make up for my mistakes."

"What?" He snarled with a cocked brow. "Fuck it, where's Kikyou?"

"She…"

"Kagome!"

"She's dead!" She shouted back as she shut her eyes and turned her face away. There was so much silence… it killed her, she didn't even feel his breath against her skin.

"What do you mean…?"

"I… I am so sorry," she murmured, there was no stopping the terrible tinge she felt behind her shut lids, the tears wouldn't stop. "I'm sorry…"

"You've known this all along?! And you never told you!? What the fuck's wrong with you!?"

"I… I couldn't… I'm sorry."

"What happened to her?" He growled between clenched teeth when he grasped her shoulders and shook her so she had to look at him with her watery eyes. "_What_ happened?"

"I…"

"No more stuttering!"

She jumped once more as she took a shaky breath in, he was right… it was time to confess her sin, for the first time to anyone but a priest. To the only one that could never forgive her, "I killed her. I killed her… I can't take it back, I'm sorry about it, if I could rewind time and undo what I did I would but I can't… I'm so sorry, Inuyasha. I am _so_ sorry."

Too bad, words never cut it for something so horrid of an action. Particularly, when the one to whom she was confessing to was not a forgiving soul.

There went their chance at a happily ever after...

* * *

**A/N**: Again, I should be practicing for a presentation but... I haven't had any steady ideas for this story in quite some time so I couldn't help myself.

Thank you oh so much for all the reviews, it really has been great :)

Please keep it up.


	12. Reprieve

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 12: **R**_eprieve _|x}

The silence that followed the sharp collision of callous skin to softness was almost as bad as the sting; the length of it seemed to drag on to intensity for the pain—not physical, emotional, the burden she had been carrying for so long… _so_ long. The slap was well deserved, so wouldn't curse him for it, she just couldn't look at him either.

Truthfully, it was a relief to feel him strike her across the cheek like that. She _deserved_ it, she deserved punishment, she hadn't really lied to him but remaining mute about the truth of the matter wasn't better. It was essentially the same… she had wronged him, in so many ways.

"What the fuck do you mean?" He jeered once his mad mind could register everything—it was instinctive to harm someone after such a declaration. She _killed_ someone he loved, cherished, would die for—so of course he was going to hit her, she was just lucky it was a slap and not a punch.

"Tell me everything, now, Kagome! No more playing stupid, no more hush, tell me what you did!"

If it was true... if she really did it, really killed his sister in cold blood, then why stay around him? Did she enjoy seeing the wreck he was? Did she get a twisted thrill out of watching the mayhem and self-destruction? But... but that seemed all wrong, her personality didn't mesh with such an idea but... then again, he would have never guessed she was a murder either. What the hell did he know?

Nothing, he'd soon discover.

She nodded weakly as she shut her eyes then reopened them to turn her face straight so she could see his wrathful being. "It's my fault," she began, because above all else, he needed to understand that. It was her fault, not his, _hers. "_I should have seen it coming… I should have stopped her, I should have done something. I didn't know the classic signs back then, though. I didn't know that she was settling matters and saying her goodbyes… I didn't. I should have stopped her, I should have…"

"Spit it out right fucking now or I'll slap you again," Inuyasha threatened and for a moment she contemplated remaining silent just to feel the reprieve of another well earned strike but he needed the truth, and he needed it then.

So, instead, she sighed and nodded, "four years ago on September 26… I was only eighteen; she was still my nurse at St. Raphael's… I was such a stupid girl, I didn't notice… your sister, Kikyou-sama, killed herself on an overdose of pills in the nurse's lounge."

Instantly, his brows flexed together—nothing made sense. The world had gone to hell in a hand basket. So many questions flickered about his battered brained. How was it Kagome's fault if Kikyou ODed? Why would Kikyou OD? Was it a mistake? Was Kagome even telling the truth? Worse… did she do it on purpose?

"How… is that… your…?" He barely managed to say before no more words could exited his confused mouth.

"I should have known, I should have stopped her, I could have… she told me, in so many ways… so many, many ways. But I didn't notice… or I just didn't care to. I was always jealous of Kikyou-sama, she was so pretty, so caring, everyone loved her, and even the man I… but I loved her, too. Maybe if I wasn't so envious… maybe then I would have noticed."

"You're lying," he asserted as he grasped her upper arms, "Kikyou would never kill herself! Not on purpose! She went to a Catholic boarding school, her father and her were devout that's a freakin' immortal sin! She wouldn't have done that, no matter what! Don't lie to me, Kagome! Stop fucking with me already!"

"I'm not," she insisted, "she really did… I'm so sorry."

He snorted and pushed away to pace about the room as the stunned maiden remained pin to the wall, "take me to her, if you are telling the truth then take me to her grave!"

"She's not buried in Nikko… she's back in your hometown… in Sapporo."

"Then we are going there _now_," he demanded.

"Inuyasha… my grandpa—"

"You killed her, right?" he jabbed, he even got a twisted delight out of watching her cringe at the accusation she felt was accurate, "then take me, now."

"OK…" she murmured as she slid back on her shoes and watched him do the same in such haste.

There was no denying the rage that obviously pulsed through him at that moment—which was, unfortunately, almost purely directed at her.

But that was how it should be, right?

[…]

The plane ride from Nikko was silent, filled with hostel, hushed, hatred that channeled from him to her completely—so clearly… she could really feel it. If he glared at her every once and a while it would have been easier, but he disregarded her and stared squarely at the seat in front of him, his brows bent together the whole time and heavy, bothered breaths.

He grabbed her arm and led her off the plane and into a taxi without a word, too, just a nod for her to tell the driver were to go, which she promptly did.

She was lying, obviously, she just said the name of whatever grave yard she could think of… that's all. Really. That's all… she was lying. She didn't know a damn thing, that's all that fluttered about his mind on the ride over. He knew his sister; she'd never do that… never, _never_.

The world didn't make sense to him as is, if that was the truth… it never would and… what did he have to live for? Why stay? Why not just follow her lead if it was reality? If she was gone, what was there?

He swallowed his breath as he followed Kagome through the graveyard to one that was well kept, clearly cleaned often, that had incents even recently lit. The wind blew his silver strands for a while before he found the courage to take the last few steps… Hayashi Kikyou, there was even a photo of her.

"No," he murmured, "no…"

"I am so sorry," Kagome whispered and, wrongly, tried to reach out to just tap his shoulder but instead he knocked it away and dropped to his knees in front of his long-lost-love's grave.

"What the _fuck_," he muttered with twitching, arched brows; his shoulders shook slightly as he unstably reached out to touch the stone. _No. _"Why… why? Why?! Why didn't anyone think that, hey, maybe we should call Inuyasha? Maybe he'd want to come to the funeral! Maybe he'd like to know his sister is dead!"

"I'm sorry," she felt like a broken record but what else was there to say? Still, her words were empty upon his drooping dog ears, "Kikyou-sama… she told me that you disappeared, you ran away to Tokyo without telling where you'd be staying. That your parents didn't know how to find you... maybe that's why?"

"Shut up," he snarled, what the hell did she know? Nothing. _Nothing._ They still should have found him, they still should have… all this time, he thought maybe he'd see her again. "Fuck that bitch, she should have told me still."

His mother? How rude of a thing to say, but she dare not tell him that was how she felt. What did she know? Perhaps she was an awful women, she had never heard much about Kikyou's parents just Inuyasha, just her beloved half-brother.

"I'm gonna go see her," he decided as he stood up, he couldn't stay there anymore, he felt his world falling down around him—his barely stable one, at that. So he had to run, he was so good at running from reality.

She murmured, "your mother?"

"You are coming with me," he snapped.

"Why?"

"Because I said so," he stated as he once again took her arm harshly and tugged her along with him. Moreover, it would rub the guilt the girl obviously felt in more. Regardless if it was her fault or not, really, why would he stop to wonder?

His world had just imploded, he hadn't time to.

[…]

How the outside of a humble home with a pretty garden, a fence, and a garage could appear so off from the truth within it, the hell that raged on for years and years while everyone thought, 'oh, the Hayashis have such a nice house' or 'aw, how their daughter is so well-behaved, it just can't be helped with the boy is a bastard, like father, like son…' that was what dear old-step-dad always thought, too. _He_ tainted Kikyou, it was _him_, just like his father taunted Izayoi, who otherwise would have lived happily ever after with the perfect husband and child.

But no, Inu no Taisho had fuck everything up along with the child he fathered then promptly abandoned along with the mistress that suddenly got in the way.

"Are we going in?" Kagome meekly murmured to snap him out of his daze as they stood outside the gate into the yard.

"Shut up," he muttered back as he pushed open the always unlocked gate to walk up the path to the door and knock. Maybe she wasn't home… yeah, then he'd just leave. He didn't really want to see her—how many years had passed by? No one ever wanted the prodigal child to return, not when he was such a fuck up.

That was when the worst thought came to mind—what if his step-dad was home? He hadn't even thought about it until he had already knocked, that was enough to get him to step back but the door opened and aged yet still elegant women appeared. For a moment, not even he could place her—it was the scent that told him, _mom_. That answered that; he was gone for so very long.

"Oh my God," the women awed as she lifted a hand in front of her mouth, "Inuyasha…"

He didn't have the time to respond before a pair of thin arms wrapped around his neck and the frail figure of his mother's began to shake from her sobs, for a moment he contemplated comforting her but then thought better of it.

"Kikyou's dead, and you didn't tell me."

He could feel her body tense up as she slowly slid off her son to look up at the taller man, "you've grown… but you are so skinny, don't you eat well?"

"Kikyou is dead," he repeated stiffly, "and I just found out today. What the fuck?"

"Still such language," she sighed as she stepped aside to wave him in and the girl that was with him, too, "please take a seat, I'll get some tea."

"I still don't like tea," he snapped, startling the women drastically, "_have_ you not heard me? Kikyou is _dead_! Dead! I just found out today!"

"I didn't know where you were, Tokyo is such a big place," she murmured, "I looked… we hired private investigators… honey, I've missed you."

"Don't touch me," he ordered with a slap against the hand that tried to caress his cheek.

"Please sit down," she sighed as she waved towards the living room, the modern one with a couch, love seat, and armchair. Inuyasha took the latter, his mother the couch, and Kagome sat far away on the love seat. "I'm sorry… I am, it hit me hard, so hard when your sister…"

"Did she really kill herself? That's what I hear but it can't be true," he shook his head slightly, "it can't be… it's Kikyou… she wouldn't have done that."

"I know," she mumbled between tears, "I know… but she did. An overdose of pills, I never even knew she had a problem… it broke my heart, your father's too. He passed a few years back."

"He's _not_ my father and never was," Inuyasha snarled, "the fucker deserved to die."

"Inuyasha," she snapped, "don't talk like that."

"He made my life miserable! Why do you think I left?! He was always judging me, always looking down at me!""

"Maybe..." she murmured but clearly thought better of whatever she was about to say.

"Maybe, what?" He scowled, "maybe if I weren't such a fuck up? Hey! Well, ain't you lucky? I left, you must have had a damn great life without me."

"Don't say that," his mother pled, "never say that, I love you. Do you know how worried I've been about you? Do you know how many nights I stayed up wondering if I'd ever get a phone telling me that I'd never see my baby again?"

"Your screwed up child, why was it _my_ fault?" Inuyasha inquired harshly, "why me? Kikyou… it wasn't like…" he didn't taint her… but he did, right? Everyone said he did, so it was him. It wasn't mutual or else she would have kept up communication once she was gone.

"I don't know how it happened," Izayoi sighed as she whipped the tears away from her blood shot eyes, "how did you two form such an attachment…?"

"I'm sick, obviously," he scoffed, "what else explains that? If it makes you feel any better she gave up on me, too. A month after she left she stopped writing."

His mother's brows flexed together right away before she looked to the ground then back at her hurting son that she could make better, just a little, she could cure a pain that he wore on his sleeve. "That's… that's not true."

"_What_?"

"Your father… he intercepted the e-mails, he deleted them, he blocked them… Kikyou kept trying, no matter how far apart you put you two…" she shook her head as she brushed some of her ebony with weaves of gray hair behind her ears, "it's like you knew, did you?'

"Knew what," he grunted, "stop being so vague, woman."

Where did the affection boy she once knew went? It broke her heart all the more, "Kikyou… Nobu, he was married before we met but his first wife passed away… giving birth to Kikyou."

No…

No.

_No_.

His world couldn't take that, too, not everything in one day. Not Kagome failing him… then Kikyou was dead then… it was all lie. Everything was a lie. Not one damn thing in all his life was the truth. Never before had he felt such a pulsing need for that liquid joy that he hadn't touched in almost five months, or even just an endless amount of alcohol.

"We… what… the _fuck_?" Inuyasha snickered, "we aren't blood?! What the hell then!? Why did you two act like we were so sick if we weren't even blood!"

He had never smelled his mother's scent in Kikyou but a profound, overpowering, part of her was Nobu's, her father, his hated step-father, and he just thought that part overshadowed the other. That was all… he had always been told, this is your half-sister, when he was a little boy he never thought that someone could lie, let alone his mother. And Kikyou was just a baby when he first remembered her, so what did he know?

A weight was gone, just like that. They weren't blood. It wasn't wrong.

"You were raised siblings, it was wrong," she stated, "_wrong_."

"Go to hell," Inuyasha demanded as he stood up, "fuck you, and fuck your dead husband. Do you what you put me through? Do you know how fucked up I thought I was!? And it wasn't! Kikyou's dead now and you are to blame!"

"Inuyasha!"

"This is the last time I'll see you," he growled before he stormed out, slamming the door full force behind him.

"And who are you?" Izayoi inquired before Kagome could even get up, "are you my son's girlfriend?" She wouldn't be surprised since the girl oddly resembled Kikyou in a way.

"No," she mumbled, "he's had a hard time, though. I'm sorry about his poor behavior…"

"Perhaps I deserve it… Perhaps he is right, if I had… let them," she pressed her lips together and sighed, "Kikyou might have…"

"That had nothing to do with it," Kagome assured as she slid to the edge of the love seat.

Izayoi hissed, "What would you know about it?"

"My name is Higurashi Kagome, I don't know if your daughter ever mentioned me…? She was my nurse while I whenever I was admitted to St. Raphael's in Nikko." A realization appeared in the hazy eyes before the nod, "she was so good to be, I don't know what I would have done without her. Your daughter was an amazing person, really."

"I remember hearing about you," she even faintly smiled at the notion, "she loved you like a sister. Will you do me a favor, will you take good care of my son?"

"As best as I can. Ma'am, I'm the only one responsible for her death, so don't blame yourself," Kagome assured as she grasped her hands together.

"How is it yours?"

"You see…"

[…]

His breath was erratic at best as he ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes quite a few times. What was left of the world as he knew it? How was he supposed to comprehend all that? How…? He stopped his pacing when he noticed Kagome finally come out of the house—what took her so long? Did it even take her long, was it a short time? Who knew, he surely didn't anymore.

Maybe time was even a lie.

"What were you doing?"

"I had to tell your mother that it wasn't her fault, it's not yours either, it's mine," she simply stated.

"What do you think that? If it is anyone's it's that bitch," he even emphasized it by pointing towards the house he grew up in, "and her fucking dead hubbie. So tell me, Kagome, _please_, why you get to be the only one to bare that burden, huh? What makes you so goddamn special to be able to say _you_ are the only one responsible for Kikyou taking her own life? Why _you_?"

In an odd way, she was rather touched but his spew, crazy, huh? But then she placed her hand upon her chest to explain, he'd understand, "I would be dead right now if Kikyou was alive. She traded her life for mine. Kikyou ODed to take some pills so that she wouldn't damage _her_ heart and fell into a sleep she would never wake up from in St. Raphael's. It was the night before my last surgery… Kikyou had a will that stipulated that her heart would go to me.

"I had some very specific transplant needs and Kikyou fit them… she knew it, too, and now she'd dead only so I could live. She knew, we both did, that I would most likely die from another open-heart surgery, that I would probably never get a transplant… so she took it into her own hands. I… I promised Kikyou if I ever got better that I'd help you just like she always wanted to because, to the _very_ end, Inuyasha, she still thought about _you_ ever day and loved you more than anything else. I learned a lot about you… because she talked about you."

Stun stabbed him, but so did a lot things that day… his brain, his everything, was on overload. If not for the tears that trickled down her cheeks as she spoke he might have stayed pissed but instead he took a step closer and placed his hand upon her chest, trigging a gasp from her.

"This is Kikyou's heart?"

"Yes…"

For a while, they simply stayed like that, his golden gaze locked on where his hand laid.

He could feel the beating; all that time she was nearby… he was hearing Kikyou's heart beat.

"I need… time to think," he muttered.

She smiled weakly as she placed her hand on top of his, "I understand."

[…]

Together they bought a hotel room for the night, a two bed one so that he could lie upon his for hours of silence as she sat on hers to stare at the blank TV.

It took moment for her to process the words he chose to break the hush, "where do you get all your money from?"

What an odd thing to wonder, but oh well, "you have probably figured that out by now."

"Kikyou left all her money to you, huh?"

"Yeah, she wanted me to use it to get a college education and to help you… and that's what I did."

He nodded his head and pushed off to bed to turn to see the guilt ridden girl, "I've decided… that I don't blame you, Kagome. It was Kikyou's choice and while I don't like it, it sounds just like her to do something so stupid… that if anyone is to blame it's my lying parents."

"That's not true," she murmured.

"Yes it is," he argued, "it _is_, Kagome."

"Really?" She muttered, "truly? Do you believe that?"

"Would I really lie to comfort you, right now of all times?"

That was probably true, so she let out a shaky breath and raised her hands up to grasp her cheek and close her watery eyes. "Thank you for saying that. I've told people about it before… mostly only priests in confessionals and they've all said that it's not my fault but it means everything to hear you say it… thank you."

"I believe that," he weakly grinned, "but… I can't be around you. Please try to understand, it'd hurt too much to know you have a part of Kikyou in you."

"I do," she whispered, from the start she knew once the truth came out that was the answer she'd get. Once she told him… they'd part ways, she had accepted that, though the ache still didn't diminish. "Inuyasha, one thing, please… don't go back on drugs even though Kikyou-sama is gone."

"For Kikyou, for her sake, for her memory, I'll never touch the stuff again," he promised, winning a weak smile from her tired expression.

"I don't like Tokyo much and now that my grandpa's mind is really starting to go I think I should move back to Nikko, if you are really going to be alright."

"I will," he assured, "that's probably a good idea."

That was about it, they shared 'goodnight's, turned the lights off and went to sleep only to wake up and take the same flight—this time, their seats weren't next to each other, on purpose, maybe?—and returned to Tokyo.

That was the end of them—one last good bye.

[…]

"I'm sorry to hear you are moving," the handsome doctor that once owned her old, broken, heart said with a real smile, "but as long as you're happy."

"I am," she assured after they parted from their embrace, "I'm going to go work at St. Raphael's and be just like Kikyou-sama, I'm going to help people, change their lives for the better."

"That's a good idea," Suikotsu encouraged before she lifted her hand up to pat her on the shoulder, "but, Kagome, don't be too much like her, alright?"

Translation, don't kill yourself for a patient. "I understand."

"Tell everyone I miss them," he requested, "I will miss you, too, Kagome."

It was half a lie, half the truth—the painful reminder of a love that could never be would be gone, but so would the warm smile that gave him light in the darkness, they both knew that.

"I'm going to start over in Nikko, everything will be good there," she hoped, she prayed, she was fairly sure.

"I have faith in that," the doctor declared, "good bye, Kagome."

"Good bye," she whispered once more.

[…]

It took a week to settle all her matters in Tokyo, to say goodbye to the handsome priest that she had grown so close to and exchange her address, e-mail, and make sure he still had her phone-number so that they could still stay in touch, just as she did with the strong-minded nurse with mahogany eyes. If they were ever in Nikko she made them promises to come see her, and both promised to make the trip--it was only an hour or so bullet-train ride or a few hours normal, after all. Just because they no longer lived in the same city didn't mean that it was good-bye forever.

Not for them, but for a handsome hanyou who had always owned the heart that saved her life, it did.

With a deep breath in she rearranged her purse and switched her luggage from one hand to another, all her other belongings had been shipped back home, _where she belonged. _She always knew that the big city wasn't for her and her dear old grandpa had raised her, put his own aged heart through so much tragedy and yet put on a strong front to show his little grandbaby that all would be alright, that she was going to be fine. Family was of the utmost importance to her, that's why Nikko was where she belonged. For her grandpa, it wasn't even about returning the favor but showing her undying love for him.

Still, she didn't feel right as she waited for her train to arrive. There was something missing... would she always feel like that? Would that tinge always haunt her? She feared the blunt yes that retorted from her heart--Kikyou's? Or could she now call it hers, since she made good on her promise?

It was theirs.

"Hey," a memorable man greeted along with a grand hand upon her shoulder to catch her attention. She knew it was him before she turned her head to verify that with a smile.

"Hey," she replied, "how did you know...?"

"I got Miroku to tell me," Inuyasha explained as he hand slid away, "I wanted to see you off... I needed to say thank you, I don't think I ever did. I'm still trying to grasp all this, I think I will for a long time but... thank you, still. It's a relief to know the truth, it hurts, but it..." at least he knew he wasn't as sick and fucked up as he always thought, as he was always _told_.

"You're welcome," she simply smiled all the more, he looked at peace, he sounded as such, and healthy. What more could she ask for? "You helped me just as much, I assure you."

"Good," he grinned before he did the unexpected, he wrapped his arms around her for an embrace, "I'm glad I met you, you stupid stubborn girl."

Her curved lips only grew as she returned the gesture by hugging him, too, "who are you to call stubborn, mister?"

"I guess that's true," he chuckled some as they parted and her trained pulled up, "I suppose, this is goodbye."

"Yeah," she whispered as he walked her up to the train, "goodbye, Inuyasha," she said one last time as she turned to smile at him before she stepped onto the train and found her seat by the window to wave to him, as he did her, as the train filled up and pulled away from the station.

It hurt them both... but it would hurt more to stay together. Both lives had been altered forever, both had touched the other in a way no one else could, both had healed wounds that were thought to be immortal...

That was goodbye, and both could accept it.

* * *

**A/N**: No one probably picked up on this (but if you did, kudos to you, really) but September 26th is World Heart Federation Day. I couldn't help myself, oh; irony is fun to screw around with.

Anyway, thank you all for the wonderful amount of reviews. I really, really do appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)


	13. Recant

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 13: **R**_ecant _|x}

Life settled down a week after her rapture filled return, oh, her giddy grandpa couldn't hide the excitement he was eager to express to anyone willing to listen about how his prized, precious _grandbaby_ had finally come home. He, of course, neglected to mention the fact that it had a great deal to do with his fading mind that had begun to blur the lines between reality and fiction. There was no need to alarm their loving neighbors who brought over at the very least a week supply of food to welcome her home with that news, though. So instead she just told them she hated Tokyo and missed Nikko, more importantly she received a job at St. Raphael's.

After all her items were settled down and she felt at home, more so than she ever did in Tokyo, in her room that she grew up in she couldn't have been happier to start her nurse career at the hospital that she received the heart that kept her alive. Some days were bad, some were filled with death and tears from the loved ones, while others were filled with joy—it all depended on the area she was placed in. The ER was rarely inspiring, not like the maternity ward that gave her an odd feeling of a void in her life—she hadn't any idea her biological clock was ticking until she held the first infant she helped bring in to the world. Of course, she ignored that. She was only twenty-two; she had plenty of years to start a family.

First, she had to find a good man. And there in lied the rub, how many of those could be out there?

No, silly her, she hadn't the time to think about romance. What, with the bills to pay, the chores to do around the house that her grandpa no longer could—including, the cleaning the shrine—and her work? She barely had time to visit with her friends let alone look for love. The dreadful inevitable occurred after her move back to Nikko, she ran out of all the money that her parent's and Kikyou's life insurance and her inheritance from both left, after all it _was_ expensive to pay for an education especially a college one, along with living in Tokyo even if she had a house there and to pay to alter the inside of Inuyasha's studio so it could function as a hanyou-proof-rehab, plus paying for all his groceries for months, along with her own, and his rent?

Then the money to move back to Nikko? Neither Kikyou nor her parents had much, so it was all gone and finally she had with paying for everything on her own. She couldn't say she hated it, she rather liked it, actually, it made her feel all grown up and independent for the first time in her little life.

More importantly, for the first time in that period she could earnestly say that her life was _hers_ to live—with no burden of a promise that wasn't fulfilled, no transplant waiting list to fret over, and no illness just some pills to take. That was about the time she realized, though, how difficult and tiring life really was.

The bills piled up after a few months, they were a pain to pay but she prided herself in never being in debt or missing a deadline. But her life became so filled with activities that she barely had time to think, too. On the one hand, that was great there was no time to ponder about a hanyou. On the other, she hadn't a time to take a moment to relax. Her weekends were filled with shrine related tasks if she wasn't at work—which, was nearly an every day, seven to nine hour shift anyway—then there were her childhood friends, Ayumi, Yuka, and Eri that were all giddy about catching up with her and then the _bills_…

Time slipped away all together with Yuka and Ayumi were engaged simultaneously, dear Eri was already married—that left just her… she never really thought that much about getting hitched since she never really thought that she'd a have the time—the life span—for such a pleasure but with all the wedding preps (two at once, at that) she found any moment she had to think was filled with thoughts of _what ifs_, the type of ceremonies she'd like, each with a blank faced man by her side as she said 'I do'.

Then her vivid imagination broke away by either the shriek of Yuka or Ayumi asking if this or that would look better for their weddings or her grandpa's stubborn refusal to eat a proper meal or take his medication… the shrine, visitors, work, wedding planning, bills, more work, choirs, cleaning, grocery shopping, lack of money, fittings, meetings with caterers, _more_ work, shrine, visitors, debates with dress designers, cake tastings, fantasies of her own happiest day of her life, dreams of a possible family, so much more work… watching as people died, helping people live, seeing strangers cry, aiding births, witnessing watery eyed new parents on the day that trumped their wedding for best day of their lives… bills.

Life was too difficult sometimes… but even though it was tiring, she was happy with her busy schedule because it's _hers_ for the first time in her twenty-two years.

[…]

Of course, that zeal wore off when the bills began to be harder to pay—after all, the bride's maid had to pay for their own dresses and two very well-made ones around the same time? Oh dear. Then there were groceries and both her grandpa and her own medication… the electric, the water, which they used so much of to tend to the garden but at least the fall was coming and that would cease but then that meant that the heating bill would just go up because of the poor insulation within the house. She'd tough it out to keep the payment lower but her grandpa couldn't, he was too old and frail.

With each passing day he lost a little more of himself, some were better than others—some she was almost certain he was himself, that all was fine, but as a medic of sorts she knew better.

How she loved the little lala-world she had formed in her head, though, that beautiful life with the most charming blank-faced husband she wedded over and over again. It was even on her mind as she picked up her grocery bags to walk out of the story and home, after all, a car would have coasted too much to keep up, pay for gas, and—hell—to even buy?

That must have been why she didn't notice the person she bumped into, luckily, that someone was had quick reflexes and could catch the bag that slipped from her hand before she it could get the ground.

"I'm so sorry!" Kagome gasped right away as her hazels dashed up to meet a pair of chocolates.

"Higurashi Kagome," the man grinned as he resituated the bag in his grasp so he had one arm free, "do you not remember me?"

"Akitoki Houjo, of course I do!" She chimed back as she hugged him briefly with her free one, "I'm so sorry, my head must have been up in the clouds."

"It happens, let me walk you to your car," he offered gentlemanly.

"Oh, I don't have one, it's not that far of a walk and I only have two bags so I'll be fine, thank you, though," Kagome replied with her usual smile as she tried to take her bag back from him but he evaded her, which caused her brows to bend together.

"Then let me drive you," he countered, "please, I wouldn't feel right about leaving such a pretty girl out when it might rain."

"It won't rain," Kagome replied but she couldn't help but smile at his lame excuse, "but, why not?"

"Good," he nodded as he showed her to his fancy black car, he even had the manners to open the door for her and place both her bags in his trunk before he got into the car and started it—without even a key, it was that high-tech that Kagome was in awe and he just chuckled.

The Akitoki family had never felt hurt for cash.

There was no arguing with him when it came to carrying her groceries into her home and how could she deny her grandpa that joy of seeing the boy that would so often come to the shrine to play with her when she was a child? The old days were the only ones he remembered well and how _truly_ happy her grandpa was to see him, the reminisced for quite some time as she put away the groceries.

Then she heard was she was fairly certain she would, "you and my grandbaby need to get married already."

Of course, Houjo was stunned—though, it was no surprise to either that that was exactly what both their families had always wanted.

"How about I take you lovely granddaughter out for dinner instead?"

"That'll do," her grandpa approved with a nod. At first, Kagome said 'no' but then he offered to pay and it would give them time to catch up so why not?

There was no shocker when he took her to the nicest restaurant in all of Nikko, either.

"So, you just moved back?" Kagome inquired as their dishes were placed before them—she ordered quite a hefty one since she had skipped lunch, there was no time in her day for something like that.

"I did, I was supervising the part of our business that was in Osaka," he explained with his boyish smile, "it was my father's way of prepping me to take over. Gosh, when was the last time I actually sat down and had dinner with you? Before college… wow, how time flies, huh?"

"Yes," she laughed lightly, "yes, it really does."

"I was _so_ glad to hear your body accepted the heart," Houjo emphasized as he reached over to pat her hand, "I was always so worried."

"Thank you," she smiled once more as she withdrew her hand slightly from his, to pretend she needed to whip something away from her lips. "Did you like going to Tokyo University?"

"I did, wanna hear something funny?"

"Sure."

"I fell head over heels for this girl," he sighed, "but she was Catholic and wouldn't date me in less I was, so I converted for her—my parents, needless to say, weren't too happy—but I did it anyway because I thought she was the one. Obviously, she wasn't."

"That's not a good reason to do something like that," Kagome pouted.

"I know, I know," he assured, "but it wasn't until after we parted ways that I actually learned about it and decided… I made the right decision. Kagome," he paused as his eyes scanned over her, "may I be blunt with you?"

"Sure," why not? They had only met for the first time in over four years, what harm could _that_ lead to?

"I've reached that point in my life where I am content and feel like I need to settle down, I think we are compatible and I've always had such a… huge crush on you," he admitted with a weak smile, "but I don't need you to commit to anything, I'm not asking you to marry me… I just wonder if you are at the same point in your life."

"Am I," she whispered back, after all, she truly did want to live happily ever after with a handsome husband.

"Then, would you like to go out with me again sometime? Just coffee or something? No commitments?"

It was cute how nervous he was to ask that, how much courage it obviously took him, so she warmly smiled and said, "yes."

After all, she did believe that they were compatible, too. That probably had a lot to do with why only five months later they were engaged.

[…]

Her time with Houjo was truly a happy one, everything became simpler and though she protested so much at first she gave up—she was going to be his wife so why not let him help out with the bills and hire someone to tend to the shrine? The Akitoki family, as they always put it, never hurt for cash and he did love her so and hated to see her work so hard at home and at the hospital.

Which, he frequented often with a flower, chocolates, or lunch when he knew she didn't have the time to leave and meet him somewhere. It was blissful, his visits made whatever horror she saw that day dissipate to the smell of sweet flowers and taste of gourmet food.

By the age of twenty-three she would be married and in the life she had always hoped for with a man she could easily fine peace with and form a beautiful life but… did she love him?

Her mind told her yes, she had every reason to, he was perfect in every which way and would never even dream to cheat on her when he dote over everything she did. He would give her a more than adequate life, her grandpa would die happy knowing she was an Akitoki, and she would never struggle from pay check to pay check.

She. Could. Be. Happy. That's what her mind shouted but…

Her heart whispered to her at night while she laid in bed thinking about the man that had agreed they shouldn't consummate their marriage until the night the ceremony—_no_.

Just because you could, you should, love someone didn't mean you would.

[…]

"Hey, I _do_ believe it's time we re-meet," a cocky man announced as he leaned against the bar she was sitting at all alone—she just wanted some time alone, was that so much to ask for? She was about to tell the man off with the dullest look before she turned her hazels to meet his crystal blues, right away she knew she met him before.

"Hello," she wearily replied.

"I remember you," he stated as he tapped the counter to get the bartender's attention, "a beer and another glass of Sherry for the pretty lady."

"You don't have to do that," she countered but was disregarded as he sat down in the empty stool beside her.

"Do you remember me?" He inquired as he turned his attention back to her, "we met that night, I was the body guard that was working with—?"

"Inuyasha," Kagome murmured, verbalized a word she hadn't thought of—hadn't said—in ages, "yeah, of course. The man from Nikko, Akimoto Kouga? I see you've come home to visit."

"And what about you? Visiting or…?"

"I moved back, I didn't care for Tokyo much."

"I loved it," he sighed, "but I came home to take over the family business after my pa passed last month."

"Oh my, I am so sorry," she awed as she placed her hand upon his shoulder, "that's terrible."

"Yeah," he smiled weakly, "but it happens, how's your grandpas doing?"

"Good, thank you for asking. But he's mind is sort of going every now and then."

That sparked more conversation, which sparked more orders of booze, which sparked more giggling and touching and hands brushing against hands or one upon her thigh, another on his chest and lips so close…

An exchange of numbers and a phone call later started their once a week night meetings at the bar Howling Times—his family business—then they turned into nightly… it wasn't wrong, they were just friends.

That was how she justified their dinners, then her canceling lunches with her fiancé to meet with the handsome wolf demon, and agreeing to go over to his home to watch movies… she had no way to cope with the kisses that started to be exchanged. The ones that held a passion she never knew with her husband-to-be Houjo.

[…]

It became sneaking around—what else could she call it when she lied and said the phone calls were from Ayumi, Yuka, or Eri? Or that she was going to meet one of them when she wasn't? It was so wrong, _so_ wrong, but _so, so_ thrilling. It made her feel alive in the oddest ways. Kouga was the bad boy she never got to test out in high school while Houjo was the honest, cute, sure thing… maybe if she lived in high school she would have never done such a thing.

That was just an excuse to help her sleep at night, though.

"Come back to mine tonight, babe," Kouga requested with his classic cocky grin as he draped an arm over her shoulder and led her out of the bar he owned and half the time bartended for. He moved his lips to her ear to whisper, "I don't want to say goodnight yet."

It gave her a shiver, in the best of ways, so she couldn't help but stutter back, "sure."

His was getting kinda close, kind of touchy, he might have had a little too much but she didn't complain. She wanted to say she shouldn't, but he was so close and it started to stir something deep in her that she only had ever felt with him around. He could place her in a zone of zealous bliss whenever he showed her things she had never seen before—displays of definite affection. Oh, and was he ever smooth but she knew it was probably a game. His title around town as the 'virgin killer' after all.

She wasn't stupid, she wasn't delusional, the way he licked his lips and touched her hips on the way up to his place was slick but did she walk away? No.

She went in to his humble abode. She wanted him and she hated it, he had her lit, she was on fire when he touched her lips—she told herself to get a grip.

It was just kissing at first, which went deeper—how was she to justify it when their fumbled, stumbled, way led to the bedroom, when her shirt was discarded and she undid his buckle to slide off his pants? It was wrong, she wasn't married to him, had no intention to—she was _betrothed _to another! But his hands were so skilled, his lips knew the right spots, and he was gentle instead of harsh like she had imagined—yes, instead of thinking about that prefect white wedding was planning, a new fantasy took over… one that was naughty in all the wrong ways.

And filled with a man with a face and a killer body, a wolf demon she knew.

She gasped and moaned, he groaned and howled her name, she screamed his, their bodies tangled and mingled and twisted as they unified for the first time, as he brought her to the tip of ecstasy and back down again. He lived up to his nickname that night.

[…]

"I have to call off the wedding," Kagome panted after she finally caught her, "it's wrong… I can't do that to him, _this_ to him anymore."

"I'm not as rich as that guy and stuff," Kouga muttered as he propped himself up on an arm and let the sheets slide down to his thigh as he leaned over his nude companion, "_but_ I think I can say with completely certainty that _I_ love you and he doesn't, not like I do… I've never even told anyone that… I… I can't give you an easy life, not like an Akitoki can, but I can give you a good one."

A smile shifted up her lip as she raised a hand to cup her lover's face, had she developed feelings for a certain wild wolf? Yes, more than any she had for her soon to be ex-fiancé? _Yes_.

Love…? Maybe.

But was she shocked that he loved her? Yes, in a good way—in the best of ways.

"I need time to think about all this, you know? I need time to settle things with Houjo… to come to term with what we've done to him. How wrong I feel about it."

"I understand," he assured as he took her hand and pressed it to her lips cautiously, "but, while you are dealing with such horrid moral dilemmas," he pouted playfully as he gave her butterfly kiss up her neck and down again, "can we still meet for lunch in… say two days?"

"OK," she laughed as he positioned himself over her again, "but I should go for tonight."

"I don't think you should," he countered as he bent down to smoother her lips.

Her heart—_yes,_ hers, it belonged to her, it beat for her then—whispered that she had found her match.

Or was she still just trying to justify things?

* * *

**A/N**: Do you have any idea how happy I am with the review turn out for the last chapter? No? Well, let me enlighten you then, _**very**_ happy. Super happy, please keep it up. I always feel ever so accomplished when a fanfic breaks a 100 reviews :)  
I'm sure a few people are disappointed, eh? You were certain that if Kagome lost her virginity it would not be to anyone but Inuyasha, riiiight? Wrong.

I have to give two plugs: I kept using the word _**Justified **_because I fell in love with the word recently, mostly because of this epic show that's on FX now with Timothy Olyphant. It's amazing, my favorite show currently. I love that man, I usually don't go all goo-goo eyes over actors but damn, he's so hot. And You Make Me Sick by P!nk was an inspiration, too.


	14. Routine

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 14: **R**_outine _|x}

Life settled down a week after his remorseful return from the train station to say goodbye to his saintly savior. It was just too hard, they both accepted that. The other would be a constant reminder of one that they both loved, one they both missed, and one they both could barely live without. It was better, _easier_, to say goodbye, to separate from that pain, to let _go._ Their memories of time together wouldn't be given up but wouldn't be reminisced over too often, either.

It was just better that way…

Work, late-night raves, bombarded clubs, pushy paparazzi—punches and police proclaiming 'now, now'—a redheaded, emerald eyed party princess, and plenty of other bothersome things—along with bills, rent checks, groceries.

All mundane and so routine, so boring... work, work, work, eat, exercise, work more, jog, avoid alcohol, lift weights, work, pay bills—pay plenty.

It was hard to let go of the hope he always ignored of what he held precious, he adjusted to the anticipation that became empty. He lied to himself for so long, telling his whimsical drug hazed mind that he only incited that fog to keep from such thoughts—for a sister that was never really his blood. He had always wanted to see her again, always dreamed of her, but he never acknowledged how often he thought about it.

That was shattered, torn asunder, he'd never see her. It took time, a lot of distractions to adjust. Work and exercise was his whole life, he joined a nice gym—another bill to pay—jogged every morning and each night.

Moreover, there was always the wolf-gal to keep him busy and all her god-awful gatherings, clubs, and so much more.

[…]

It was a mere coincidence. After he left the gym he joined, _Tessaiga, _to walk back to his place, sleep for a while, and prep-himself for the call he'd get from Kouga to tell him where to meet-up to get Ayame and where they would be going that night. It was a bother to know that Kouga was the senior body-guard, the one that called all the shots, his 'boss', but he couldn't punch the guy—Kaguya kept warning him about that over their weekly lunches together.

By pure chance he heard a shrill, giddy voice that he knew well followed by the giggle that always rung in his head. With reluctance and an utter sigh he looked over to see Ayame walking with two big bags on her arms from her shopping trip. He was off duty, he shouldn't have given a shit that the leeches that were called paparazzi were taking photos of her but… he did hate them, so, _so_, much that he found himself jogging across the street to knock one of them down and his _extremely_ expensive camera.

"Ops," he just grinned.

"Fuck! Asshole! You're paying for that!" The cockroach protested as he tried to gather up all the broken pieces.

"Hey, it's just an occupational hazard, right? You parasite," Inuyasha chuckled back before a pair of thin arms swooped around his neck.

"Inu-puppy!" did she have any idea how redundant her nickname for him was? He just sighed as he patted her on the back, "boo, thank you, let's eat!"

"Ayame-san," he hated adding suffixes but he had to, "I'd rather not."

"Nonsense, I will not take no for an answer!" She protested as she grasped his hand and tugged him to the finest restaurant she could fine. Upon waltzing in she greeted the hostess and told her that they'd seat themselves and lead Inuyasha to a peaceful, private, booth in the back.

"Waitress!" Ayame chimed as she waved her hands up in the air, "some sparkling sake for me and…?"

"Water," Inuyasha muttered.

"Sparkling—"

"_Normal_," he countered, "normal water, please."

"OK," the waitress smiled as she walked away.

"I'm paying so order whatever you want, they have the _best_ food," Ayame assured as she picked up the menu to glance over the dishes that coasted almost as much as his rent.

"You drunk already, Ayame?" Inuyasha inquired with a cocked brow, he could smell wine in her breathe, too.

"No, silly," she giggled, "what were you doing out today, huh? My sexy, sexy body guard?"

"Ayame," he sighed as he set his menu down and slid it to the side, "I don't think you are as stupid as you pretend to be. I think that you're a sweet girl that just needs a little help."

"Help?" Ayame coaxed as she tapped her feet against his and smiled, "what type of help? I could think of a few things you could _help_ me with."

"Yeah," he murmured as he tried to evade her feet, "Ayame, you've got some issues. You drink too much—"

"Psh," she waved away, "no I don't."

"Look, I'm not judging, OK?" He questioned. "I get it, I do. You're a cute girl, you're probably not stupid, I don't know why you think you need to drink but… maybe ya' don't?"

She tilted her head ever so slightly as her brows flexed together; her emerald eyes wandered up and down his figure a few times before the waitress arrived to set their drinks down and inquire about their orders, Inuyasha dismissed her for a while.

"You don't have to listen to me," Inuyasha assured.

"I…" Ayame began meekly as she sat back in the booth, "I… no one has ever said that to me…"

"I'm sorry, I guess," he shrugged, "but it's true. You've got a problem and you should see to fixing it."

"No one has… ever," she murmured as her eyes flickered away then back, "cared enough… to tell me that. Everyone just let's me…"

"Spiral downward farther and farther?"

To that Ayame nodded, "my father just pays for my body guards to make sure that I don't ruin his reputation…"

"Look," he coaxed as he leaned against the table, "I know what you are going through, I've had my fair shares of issues… and maybe you don't want to stop, you probably don't—I sure as hell didn't—but it's really a clearer world without and I guarantee you'll feel better."

"Physically or emotionally?" She asked, "because the latter is more important to me…"

"Ayame, you are as skinny as a freakin' twig, you know that right?" He questioned with a lifted brow, "and really, really pretty, you don't need to drink you don't need to…"

"_To_?"

"Purge yourself, either," he muttered. That got her eyes to go wide, so wide, "I figured that one out after the first few weeks. Alcoholism and purging is a terrible fucking mix, Ayame, _really _fucking bad."

"I…" she glanced away then back and away again. _That_ was something she thought she kept to herself, _that_ was something she did not know anyone could tell… she shook shakily before she scooted towards the end of the booth, removed a good amount of yen from her purse, placed it on the table and left without another word.

There went that job…

[…]

He didn't go to clubs with Ayame anymore, he didn't go to bars, he didn't go out to big parties with her either, he lost that job, and he was reassigned to another person to guard. Kaguya didn't scold him for anything, didn't mention any complaints, just reassigned him to a really quite child to transport from one prestigious home to a prominent school and back again everyday—it was a simple seven to four job, he got paid the same and didn't have to deal with any other guards.

In five months he didn't even have to see Kouga anymore, he moved away.

Around the same time he moved, too, out of the shitty little studio he could easily afford to a better part of Tokyo, to an apartment—there was actually a bedroom and a living room, two areas that a door separated what an upgrade. After he was finished, it took barely anytime since he hadn't many possessions, a bounding distraction came that wouldn't go away—what the fuck, right? How many people had he told where he moved to?

With a sigh he walked to the door and pulled it open to stop the short constant tapping to see an alluring woman leaning against the post with a broad smile, "hey, sexy."

His brow lifted up as he watched the wavy, red-haired girl waltz into his new place like she owned it, "Ayame…?"

"It's been a while, huh?" She giggled as she spun around to walk up to him as he shut the door, her hands linked behind her back, "guess where I've been."

"Do tell," he sighed as he leaned against the door.

"Rehab, thanks to you," she explained with a tilt of her head, "after you called me out on it, _no_ one ever did that, I thought about it and was like… maybe I should check myself into a voluntary rehab and see what it's all about. Tomorrow marks my four month sobriety."

"Good job," he praised with a smile.

"What's it mark for you?"

"Almost a year."

"If you can make it to a year so can I, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I want to celebrate with you, tomorrow," she requested with as she took the last step that kept them apart, "will you go out to eat with me? At the same restaurant?"

"Sure, why not?"

After all, what was the worst that could happen?

[…]

Time flew by, days turned into weeks, and then a month. _The_ month where they kissed, another few weeks and she insisted on spending the night. And how could he say no? He was not lying when he said that she was beautiful, she was, her body was killer, too. Spectacular, really, and when she shed her clothes why would he tell her 'hey, let's stop there', again? They were in his bed… they were dating, so why not?

So he went all the way to learn what a screamer she was, what a vixen, that she knew _almost_ as many tricks as he did and she was one of the most flexible woman he had ever been with. More importantly… she was the first free women she had ever been with.

"I want to tell you something," Ayame requested with a smile, a broad, beautiful one as she twisted her bare legs with his as she traced her fingers down his chest.

"Go for it."

"I love you," she whispered as her eyes met his, "I thought about little else than you in rehab, the only one who gave a damn enough to tell me to stop, that I needed help… you're great, _really_ great at certain things too," she smiled as she kissed his neck, "so, I don't care if this it too soon or if it scares you away, I love you."

Did he love her back? Probably not. Did he _love_ the idea of falling for the pretty girl on top of him? Yes, _yes_, he did. It would end the ache he felt for the suicide brunette or the saintly somber haired girl.

But he couldn't help but feeling dirty, too, Ayame should have known what she was getting herself in… who she got into bed with.

"Ayame, I need tell you something before you go on," he requested as he pushed her away to sit up and cover up, "about… my past."

About it all, he'd confess to as much as she would listen to without throwing up and running away like he knew she would.

Yet… he got through the whole tale, from prostitution, to his drug fix, to his sister-complex, to saying goodbye to the girl on the train station.

She listened, she nodded every once and a while to prove that, she just propped herself up on her elbows and rested her chin in her hands so she could cover her mouth and kept her green gaze upon him the whole while.

"That's… it," he muttered, "so if you want to leave, I get it. I should have told you all this sooner but…"

"I would have left," she murmured, which he nodded about and looked away. "I might have… but I doubt it," she assured as she sat up to readjust herself so she was in his lap and her arms were once more around his neck. "Inuyasha… that's just that, the _past_, I love the man you are now, the man that's helped me so much. Thank you for telling me, I am sure it was hard for you to tell me all that. Now," she kissed his awe-struck lips, "let me show you how much I love you."

He just grinned at that as he toppled her over to do the same.

[…]

Love? Maybe? Happy? Hell yes. Through festivals, movies, late-night-talks, walks, and so much more he knew that he loved every moment—well, most, there were some bad days—with Ayame. He knew he loved being _with_ her, he knew he loved the way she could make him feel, he knew that she was too good for him.

A year transpired in the flash of an eye for them, there was even talk about moving in together—mostly, Ayame's fantasying and his nods. He liked his space, he liked his little apartment, her condo was far too big, too prestigious for his taste. The good thing about was, Ayame found his place quaint and didn't mind spending most of their nights there instead at hers.

Then a certain topic arose…

"I think I'm going to go back to college," Ayame hummed as she moved her salad around with her fork, "what do you think?"

"You've been saying that for months now," Inuyasha replied, "I think it's a good idea, you _are_ smarter than you let on."

"I know I am," she smiled, "and… I got accepted to Kyoto University, my father was thrilled. You know everyone for the past eight generations in my family has graduated from there…"

"Ayame," Inuyasha gawked, "that's great! When would you start?"

"In a week," she murmured as her heavy eyes fluttered up to his suddenly dry expression.

"Oh… that's… soon."

"I didn't want to tell you," she sighed as she sat up straight and bit her bottom lip, "I really love you."

"I love you, too," he had learned to reply, he loved enough about her, about the way she made him feel and all the things she did, so why not soothe her conscious and just say it back?

"But… long-distance… I don't know, could we do that? _Should_ we do that?"

"I don't know," he muttered.

"I love you," she repeated, she had to as she leaned forward, "but…"

"We shouldn't," Inuyasha guessed that was what she was going for and to that she just nodded, "I think… that's a good idea."

"Yeah," she smiled ever so weakly, "so do I…"

Their parting a week later at the train station was a bittersweet one, there was still affections there but… it was probably for the best. He couldn't love her like she deserved, she had to have figured that out and Kyoto and Tokyo weren't really close…

He kissed her goodbye, loaded her luggage on the train and hugged her one last time before she stepped on to find her seat and wave bye-bye.

It was déjà vu, he couldn't help but think about the last time he had said goodbye to someone important—someone he might have…?—at the train station almost two later.

It'd be rather bothersome if it became a trend in his life to say goodbye to gorgeous girls he cared about every two or so years…

* * *

**A/N**: Really, really, really, you all have no idea how happy you've made me with all the reviews :)  
And that's why you have an update so soon because since plenty of you took time to review and say such kinds things that I decided to ignore writing an essay for a bit to write this chapter (it was far more fun, too). Thank you all, please keep them up.


	15. Reencounter

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 15: **R**_e-encounter _|x}

Whispers were carried upon the gentle wind that blew her somber strands about until she smiled and brushed them behind her ear, perhaps she was foolish to think that something so natural, so simple, was a greeting from a wonderful woman who lived on in another world, and in her heart—their heart—but she did.

"It's been a while," the tranquil girl—no, woman—greeted back as he knelt down in front of the grave, "but I'm here just like I promised, just like every other year… six," she sighed as she reached out to lightly touch the tombstone, "I can't believe it's been six years to the day since I saw you."

Another breeze brushed against her and once more she smiled, "I'm happy now, don't worry. I helped… Inuyasha, I'm sure he's told you. He must come to visit. I'm still living in Nikko, still working at St. Raphael's, and my grandpa is still alive. He's confused, though, he forgets what day it is, and sometimes—it's sad—forgets that my mother is dead and thinks I'm her… but he's generally happy."

"I miss you," she murmured with a puff as she let her fingers slip away from the stone, "I'll keep you in my prayers."

She took a moment then to do just that as she placed her hands together and closed her eyes. Suicide was an immortal sin, but Kikyou's sin saved her life so… how wrong could it have been? Could He not forgive her?

"Amen," she mumbled before she opened her eyes and gradually stood up. That was when she realized she was not alone, her hazels shifted over to an all too familiar sight—but not, too.

A handsome hanyou stood there with flowers in one hand and his other stuffed in his jean pockets, his silver strands were shorter, his gaze seemed more golden. He looked so much better, _way_ better that she couldn't help but let her jaw vaguely drop. He wasn't as pale but he wasn't exactly tan—he clearly spent more time outside then cooped up in his home. He was never disgustingly skinny but he was not nearly as toned as he clearly had become from the way his shirt fit, which she could only tell because his light jacket was not zipped up. He looked healthy… and hot.

Very hot… was that wrong to think in a cemetery?

"Hey," he lightly greeted with a nod.

"Hey," she barely managed to reply before she blinked and turned her gawking gaze away.

"It's been a while," he started as he walked towards her to look at the grave she stood at, "do you come here on the anniversary every year?"

"Mm-hm," she nodded, letting her attention flicker to his bod out of the corner of her eyes every once and a while. "You?"

"Since last year," he shrugged, since that was, after all, when he discovered her death. Two years had faded by in what seemed to be a blink of his eyes. "I didn't see you… then."

"I came in the early morning."

And he had gone in the evening.

"How are you?" She questioned with a glance up, "you look good." _That_ was an understatement.

"I'm," he paused, "good. Real good, for the past year I've been guarding a little girl, it's an easy seven to four job, I take her around during the day until I drop her off when her dad gets home."

"That's good, no more clubs," she tried to joke.

"So, how long will you be in Sapporo?" He inquired meekly as his gaze flickered to her.

"Until tomorrow afternoon, I have a flight out around one."

"Do you… want to maybe get dinner tonight? To catch up?"

"Yeah," she quickly asserted, "I'd like that."

"OK, I know a place you'll like," he grinned, "still have the same phone number?"

"Yep."

"I'll call you around seven, then?"

"Sounds good," she assured before she stepped away to give him some private time like he deserved, before she got too far though she had to stop and turn around and swiftly add, "it's really good to see you."

"Likewise," he replied with a smile, which gave her one, before they nodded to one another and she left so he could kneel before the grave of the girl that had never been blood, contrary to popular belief.

[…]

Silly, silly, her, really, she would rather not admit it—never would, actually—but she had distantly hoped that she'd run into Inuyasha there. After all, it was his beloved one's grave and it was the sixth year anniversary—though, they hadn't seen each other at the fifth… but a girl could still dream, right? She would only be there for one day, one night, and one more morning, she packed lightly but she did put in her favorite dress _just_ in case.

It was cotton so nothing extravagant, it covered her chest and the scar wasn't ashamed of but didn't like to show, but had a rather open—its shade of green even made her eyes seem a little less brown and a lot more emerald. Of course, September in Sapporo didn't allot for short sleeve, open-back, dresses so she had to wear a brown sweater, too.

Just as promised, Inuyasha called her up at seven—almost on the dot, which she was ever so eager to answer. He had asked her what hotel she was at, figured out where that was located, and told directions to the restaurant that just so happened to be right around the corner from where she had been staying at. A smile had lifted her perfectly natural lips when she saw the title was not in Japanese but French—had he been thinking about that one time she had dragged him to a French restaurant way back when? Or was she just over thinking things?

They were to meet at seven thirty but she arrived fifteen minutes early. Anxious little her simply could not wait, it had been two years—longer than that, really—since they had last seen each other. It would have been a lie to say she didn't think about him sometimes—often, daily. How was he? Was he eating properly? Was he taking care of himself? Was he paying his bills? Was he still employed at that body guard place? Had something dreadful happened to him? Had something good?

Plenty of those questioned were answered the moment she saw him, he was obviously taking very good care of himself. He looked like he had taken to working out and eating properly; he wasn't grossly muscular but just right.

"You're early," startled her some as she spun around to meet his golden gaze.

"So are you," she replied meekly.

It took ten minutes for them to get a table, but only because he had thought ahead to call in and place a reservation for that night or else they wouldn't have gotten seated at all.

The waitress was perky and pretty as she greeted them, told them about their wine and food specials and gave them their menus before walking off.

"So… how's Tokyo?" Kagome inquired first as her eyes glimpsed from the menu to him, to the menu, to him, to the menu, to him—mostly on him as he stared at his menu.

"The same," he assured once he glanced up to catch her eyes on him, "how's Nikko? How's your grandpa?"

"Nikko's nice, I still love it there," she smiled, "and grandpa… he has good days and he has bad days, but he's fine."

"That's good," he guessed before he decided to jump start the conversation, "I moved."

"Aw, out of the studio?" Kagome pouted, "I guess that's good… to a better part of the city?"

"Uh-huh, it's a nicer apartment."

"I've missed that studio," she sighed, "it was so crappy but…"

"Yeah," he grinned, "I know."

"Any other big changes?"

"Do you remember Ayame? The girl that I was guarding?"

"The partying-ditzy-girl?" Kagome laughed, "yeah, what about her?"

"I dated her for about a year," he replied, and automatically her smile disappeared, "don't worry about it. She just pretended to be ditzy, she had quite a few problems herself but I really liked her. It was the first normal relationship I've ever been in."

"Why'd… you two break up then?" She frowned, "did she leave you…?"

"It was a mutual agreement," he decided, "she wanted to go back to school and I didn't love her like she deserved so we parted ways. So, how about you? Any special someone?"

"I kinda went little wild when I got back to Nikko," Kagome admitted with an embarrassed smile as she rearranged her napkin in her lap and slid of her sweater.

"Really?" Inuyasha grinned, his golden gaze fixated on her skin as she revealed more and more to him. "What'd ya' do?"

"I got engaged," she lightly laughed, "to this boy I knew all my life… he was nice, really nice, actually, but… I," her smile disappeared, "cheated on him… that was wrong of me, I know, but I didn't love him. I think I might love this guy, though. Well, no, I do. I know it. We engaged now," she gleamed as she raised her left hand up to show him a modest diamond ring.

That made his golden orbs widened and jaw drop for a bit, he wasn't the most observant person in the world but he would have liked to think he would have noticed the ring earlier. He swallowed back the stun to manage a, "congratulations."

"Thank you. Actually, I suppose I might really have to thank you for something else, I don't know if we would be getting married if not for you."

"Really?" he muttered, "why?"

"You introduced us. You remember Kouga?"

"The wolf-demon?" Inuyasha coaxed, he was really hoping that what he thought she was going to say wouldn't come out of her pretty mouth, "sure, why?"

"We're getting married in June!" She giddily declared before she clasped her hands together, "isn't that great?"

Great wasn't the word he would use, great wasn't even _close_ to his word choice, so he just sat there, mouth ajar, eyes unblinking, staring at the happy gal across from him until he could turn his brain back on, "that guy is an asshole!"

"Inuyasha," Kagome harshly hushed, "keep your voice down and that's not true anyway."

"Yeah it is, wanna know what he told me once? He loves to fuck virgins, he had the nickname—"

"I know," Kagome assured, "but people change, you are proof of that."

Oh, how low that was, he couldn't argue with that, but that didn't change the scowling expression he had on his face.

"Besides, we've already had sex, so if he was going to leave he would have," she murmured before she took a sip of her wine.

"What?" Inuyasha growled, "you _what_?"

"He's my fiancé, I think I'm entitled to do such things with him," she asserted.

"What happened to the whole 'not-until-marriage' bullshit you were spouting?"

"My Lord, you are as rude as ever," she sighed, "generally, I hold true to that. We've been together for over a year now and only ever had sex three times. I told him no more until we get married—"

"Let me guess, he proposed the next day?" He sassed.

"Inuyasha," she huffed, "we were already engaged. He's been really good about it."

"Whatever," he scoffed.

"Let's change the subject," she requested, "I really don't want to have to leave upset with you tonight."

How could she be marrying that jackass? Was all he could think until he grunted a 'fine', he'd hate to leave on bad terms, too. It was her stupid choice to make; she'd probably regret it later. Kouga just had to be a bad guy, didn't he? Or was it just the idea of her marrying _anyone_ that irked him so badly?

"I'm on OK terms with my mother now," he divulged, he predicted that a smile would come but didn't guess how grand it would have been, "I thought that'd make you happy."

"Oh, it really does," she assured, "is that where you are staying? At your mom's?"

He nodded, "I've been here for about a week now, visiting and stuff. Last year, I decided to try and get past all that shit she did. We make mistakes… I guess I sorta get where she was coming from. She's old, ya' know? It just didn't sit well with me to let her die thinking I hated her. She always treated me well; she loved me even with all my faults. It was really her dick of a husband Nobu who tore us apart."

"And there's the cursing," Kagome shook her head as she took another sip of her wine, "your mother clearly didn't wash your mouth out with soap enough when you were a kid."

To that, he chuckled lightly. He hadn't any idea how good it would feel to see her again, sure he had missed her, sure he had thought about her sometimes---all the time—and sure he knew he'd like to, but there was a warm sensation inside him to see her sit across from him and smile. She looked good, too. Before he couldn't help but think of her sort of as a 'kid', but now he could clearly see her as a woman.

A very attractive one, at that.

[…]

"This was nice," Kagome mused as they walked down the street towards her hotel.

"Yeah," Inuyasha agreed with a nod, "I… I'd like this not to be goodbye, Kagome."

"Me, too. Nikko and Tokyo are that far away, and there is always the phone," she suggested as she looked up to him with a smile, "we can certainly keep in touch. When are you heading back to Tokyo?"

"Tomorrow, I have the one o'clock flight out of here to narita airport."

"Are you serious?" She muttered.

"Yeah, why?"

"I have the same flight," she awed, "it must be fate!"

"Of course," he chuckled, "only you would say that, it has nothing to do with the fact that it's a Monday and there aren't a lot of flights between here and there, it's gotta be fate."

"Shut up," she nudged, "so pessimistic."

"Hey," he wearily began, "you know, if you don't want to go straight back to Nikko… if you wanted to maybe spend the night in the city, you could stay at mine. See my new apartment and stuff."

For a moment she paused and bit her lower lip lightly, it wasn't like anything would transpire between the two—she didn't even consider that—but would it be weird to do that after so long apart? Her heart said so, so her mouth said, "sure. I'd like that. I don't have to go back to work until Wednesday night anyway."

"Great, I'll see you at the airport tomorrow, then," Inuyasha grinned as he opened the hotel's door for her. "It really was good seeing you."

"I've missed you, too," she smiled before entering the hotel and waving goodbye—but, that time, it was only temporary.

[…]

"The building looks far more attractive than your last one," Kagome commented as the slightly better mannered man opened the door for the gawking girl. With a thank you and a smile she stepped in to wait for him to lead her up the stairs then to the right to the second door on her left, "the interior is better, too."

"Yeah, I upgraded," he assured as he opened his door to let her in first.

"Wow," she mouthed to herself as her eyes wandered around the apartment, compared to his studio that was falling apart all around his new place looked like a masterpiece. That and one wonderful addition—it was _clean_, he didn't have his clothes spewed everywhere, then again, she hadn't looked into is room yet. "This is really nice, Inuyasha. It even looks like you took the time to decorate."

"Ayame and I started to date about the same time I moved in," he began as he set their luggage down and shut the door, "she bought a lot of the stuff and planned the décor. I tried to stop her but… that woman is like a tornado, you can't stop her once she starts somethin'. "

"Sounds like exactly the type of person you need," Kagome grinned as her eyes landed upon the little desk that held quite a few photos, some of a red-head, some of an elder lady that Kagome recognized—his mother—and then some of a brunet beauty and Inuyasha together. The very same pictures she had found him hiding away in the closet, a small smile laced her lips as she picked up the closest one. "I'm glad you display these now."

It was a sign he had moved on if he could keep a reminder out like that.

"Yeah," Inuyasha murmured as he walked up to look at the photo she had picked, the one of him and Kikyou standing together in their school uniforms, "I would put one of you up here, too, if I had one."

"Really?" Kagome questioned as her hazels moved up to him, "what would you tell people if they asked who is that beautiful girl?"

"My saintly savior," he joked to win a small laugh from her, "I' seriously."

"Unfortunately, I don't carry any photos of myself with me at all times," she pouted playfully as she set the photo back down. "We're going out to eat with Sango and Miroku tonight, right?"

"Yep, at eight."

"I can't believe they're getting married so soon… it's only two months away. A February wedding would probably be really pretty, I'm eager to see how everything is going to look. You're going to be Miroku's best man, right?"

"Uh-huh, I really am not looking forward to it," he sighed as he sat down on his couch, "I didn't want to have any part that entails responsibilities but Miroku freakin' begged me. I couldn't so no."

"We would have seen each other eventually, even if we didn't run into each other yesterday. I'm Sango's maid of honor; do you know what that means?"

"You're the head-honcho of bride's maids?"

"It means we'll walk down the aisle together, moron," she jeered with a nudge, "that's how it goes, haven't you ever been part of wedding before? My friends Yuka and Ayumi got married a few years back and I was both their maid of honor, do you know what a hassle that was?"

He barely heard the second part—they'd be walking down the aisle together caught he full attention. Did he ever really see himself as the married man type? No. Even with Kagome? No. But the idea of walking down the aisle with her… was an appealing one.

"Oh, it's Kouga," Kagome declared as she took out her vibrating phone, "he's probably calling me back. Hold on."

He just nodded as she got up to answer the phone with a 'hey, honey' and walk into the kitchen.

_That_ he knew he didn't like, not in the least bit.

[…]

There was a weight that had been released from him upon seeing Kagome once more, one he didn't acknowledge was really there until it was gone and so was she. Though, they kept to their word, he said goodbye to her at the train-station only to know, that time, it wasn't for good, they'd see each other again.

That night she even called to tell him she made it and to thank him for his hospitality but they hadn't too much time to talk before she had to go tend to her grandfather that was wandering around aimlessly on the cold fall night. "If he goes any farther than the shrine he'll get lost," she had sighed before they bid adieu.

Two week had passed; two weeks of his routine life of gym, work, friends, work, gym, while sleeping and eating were thrown in here and there, too. Better yet, a few phone calls back and forth between him and a raven haired beautiful girl along with an envelope with the photo he had asked for—much to his surprise, he was certain she would have never agreed. More shockingly, it was of them, he had never recalled taking pictures with her but he could tell from his not-so-friendly expression, skinny appearance and rather pale skin that it was probably during his first few months of sobriety and that was mostly a haze.

Just as promised, he mounted it on the table filled with pictures.

He felt good, real good, until he started to feel bad, _real_ bad. It wasn't from the fact that Miroku was nearing his promised date of one-woman-for-the-rest-of-his-life and the worry that obviously brought him, priest or not he was a pervert and though Inuyasha was fairly certain he hadn't had sex with a lot of women (if any) he was still sure Miroku feared that he couldn't stay loyal.

To him, it was a stupid qualm. Of course Miroku would, Sango would kill him if he betrayed her trust.

It wasn't the fact that Kagome, too, talked to him every once and a while about her promised day, what was sure to be the happiest in all her life—though, that didn't help.

It was a cold that got in his way, hanyou or not, he still got sick. And ill he was, it impaired his nose from the sniffles and tissues, the coughs made his throat raw, but he'd be alright. He didn't even bother to take time off work, he still drive the little raven haired girl of the age of fourteen to and fro her school and social gathers then home again.

On one of his breaks, while she was safely locked away in her school much to her dismay—she was a free spirit, that much he was sure of, and she would have preferred to be running around outside then locked away learning—he walked home to lunch, sneezing here and there.

If his nose had been functional he might have noticed a familiar scent in the air, if he hadn't been so lost in his foggy head he might have noticed a figure following him home. At one point, when he dropped his keys, he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eyes but thought better of it and shrugged.

Lunch was soup, since Kagome assured him that whenever she had a cold that was what her mother made her and she felt better. He didn't care if that were true or not, it was the simple fact that all it took was de-can the liquid with chunks, pour it into a pot, heat it up for a few minutes and then into a bowl. It took no time, and then he'd have orange juice to drink.

He was back in time to take his charge home, "Inuyasha-san! I want ice cream."

"I'm supposed to have you home on time today, Rin, sorry," he replied as he turned into a long drive-way.

"But, Inuyasha-san," she pouted, which he only caught threw the rear-view mirror, "I really want ice cream."

"You can have ice cream at your place, you've gotta have some," he refused to believe that such a huge house didn't have everything a little girl could dream of.

"Fine," she sighed, "walk me to the door?"

"As always," he assured as he got out of the car and open the door for her. For the first time, though, her front door opened up so a tall, debonair demon with long, silky, silver tresses with piercing narrowed golden eyes.

If only Inuyasha's nose was not so clogged.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin chimed as she hugged him abruptly, "you're home!"

"Go inside, Rin," Sesshomaru ordered, with a pout she sighed and slid by him, "you are the one Kaguya-sama has assigned to Rin?"

"For the past two years now," Inuyasha nodded.

"You are dismissed," Sesshomaru stated and before he could argue the door was shut in his face, harshly, at that.

[…]

"What the fuck?!" Inuyasha shouted as she stomped about Kaguya's gregarious office, "who the hell does he think he is!?"

"A very powerful, very rich, very influential, sexy, man," Kaguya murmured as her blue gems followed him around, "settle down, it's nothing, I'll just assign you to someone new."

"But I didn't do anything!"

"It's just a preference thing, Inuyasha," Kaguya sighed, "don't worry about it. There is this other kid that I can assign you to, the same gig and everything. Really, settle down."

"It's 'cause I'm a hanyou, ain't it?" he growled, "damn dick."

"Boo, you know I love you," Kaguya pouted to win his attention, "that's why I'm giving you a week off."

"What?" He hissed, "why? I don't—"

"You look absolute hell, you have plenty of sick time built up, take a few days."

"I don't—"

"Honey, I'm your boss," she asserted, "it's not a request."

"Whatever," he muttered before he left. As soon as he got out of her office and into the elevator he dialed up a number that would surely be able to give him peace, "Kagome?"

"Inuyasha, what's up?" She replied cheerfully, she hear him out, only commenting here and there about how he could _try _not to curse so much when he was talking to her, which he ignored, as always.

"Look, I'm sorry," Kagome assured, "that sounds awful. Some people are just closed minded, but you shouldn't get so upset. Kaguya-san is going to assigned you to someone new, everything is going to be fine, just take a breather like she said."

And, just as he thought, he felt a bit better from hearing the same words that Kaguya had said out of her natural lips, "thanks…"

"No problem," she giggled, which caught him off guard until he heard a gruff voice in the background and another set of giggles—fucking Kouga. "Inuyasha, I gotta go, I'll talk to you later."

She didn't even allot him time to say goodbye before she hung up, the last thing he heard was a distant 'oh, Kouga'.

_That_ just pissed him off, ten-folds worse than before. His body shook as he walked through the busy streets of Tokyo, completely disregarding anyone else on the side-walk. He just dared someone to screw with him, he yearned for it, he was more than happy to beat the shit out of someone and he apparently gave off that vibe since no one dared to complain when he bumped into someone.

It was hard to avoid the bars he passed by on his way home, to keep with his resolve, if he had a taste of alcohol he'd have more and if he had alcohol that was just a gateway into his old habits… no, he shook his head and walked up to his apartment building instead of the flashing, just-opened, bars.

He rummaged through his pocket for the key on his stomps up his stair only to see a stranger standing right as his door. It took a moment or two, the golden eyes, the silver hair, the same features… he looked just like the fucker that fired him.

"Who the hell are you? I don't want whatever you're selling," Inuyasha scowled as he pushed him away to unlock his door.

"I'm not here to sell anything, I… can you not tell?"

That got him to cock and brow and glare at the guy, "what?"

"Izayoi never…?"

"What the fuck does my mom have to do with this?" Inuyasha growled.

"Inuyasha," he lingered upon the name as he brushed his bangs off his forehead to reveal a crescent-moon. "I'm… your father. My name is Takamoru Inutaisho."

His keys almost slipped from his hand at that but he caught himself and shook the shock from his face, he knew the name, his mother had told him about the man that she made the mistake of having an affair with. She had always called it that, a _mistake_, something she should not have done. He was married… but she did not regret it, because it gave her the most precious gift of them all—him.

"What do you want?" Inuyasha muttered.

"I saw you the other day… I didn't know you lived in Tokyo, I thought you were in Kyoto…"

"I've never lived in Kyoto," Inuyasha countered.

To that, the man cocked a brow, "you… that would explain that, I suppose."

"What?" He grunted, "what would explain what?"

"Why I could never find you."

He rolled his eyes as he stepped into his apartment, "you want me to believe that you've been looking for me so, what? We could be one big happy fucking family? I ain't interested."

"Inuyasha," his father countered as he grasped the door to keep him from shutting it, "hear me out, at the very least. I'm your father, I think I deserve that."

That was the last straw, he had been itching for a fight and now his dear dad that had _never_ been there for him, that _refused_ to leave his wife for Izayoi or have any reasonability in raising him, suddenly _deserved_ his time?

He showed him what he thought he deserved; a punch in the jaw and a slam of the door.

* * *

**A/N**: I feel like I cheated with the title but... oh well. I won't be updating for a while so I felt I should give you this chapter to calm all those who worried about Kagome and Inuyasha not seeing each other again.

I need to take a hiatus from for the sake of my studies :(

Thank you all so much for the wonderful amount of reviews, please, please, please keep them up.


	16. Regardless

**A/N: OPS, wrong document uploaded. Only the last section is different.**

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 16: **R**_egardless _|x}

What.

The.

Fuck.

How the hell was he meant to deal with that? Suddenly, out of _nowhere_ at all, his father decided to appear in his life? That he wanted to 'talk' and… what? Well, he didn't know, he punched the guy, slammed the door, grabbed one of his gym bags and left without a word to rush down the streets and to the first train to his planned destination.

He thought the train ride would be therapeutic in a way, he would be all alone, and he could tone out all the sounds until they arrived to hear the feminine robotic chime to declare just that. Often, he was wrong, and that time, too, he just coughed constantly and felt his furry meshed with confusion fester all the more as he slung his bag over his shoulder and found his way through the small town to the right, pretty, perky house.

Pounding would have been too kind of a word to describe what he did to the door.

"Hold on!" A shout called out before the door was pulled open to show a flustered female, mystification marred her pretty face as she tilted her head to the side and lifted a brow high, "Inuyasha…?"

"You'll never believe what type of bullshit I've had to deal with today!" he scowled.

"Right," she coaxed out as her hazels wandered about behind him before they locked onto his anger etched face, "Inuyasha…"

"_Yeah_, Kagome?"

Well, she placed a hand on her hip and slightly glared at him for that bit of attitude, didn't she have every right to be shocked, stunned, and stuck in a stupor when an old friend appeared unannounced, right?

"Are you not going to let me?" He asked.

"Fine," she muttered as she stepped aside, "a call would have been nice."

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, he waved off, "so, I got back after I had to deal with that bullshit at work and then found this guy standing outside my door. Do you know how he was?"

"Someone you didn't like, apparently," she mumbled as he plopped down at the table and dropped his bag. She sighed and rolled her eyes as she walked up to him.

"My fucking father!" He growled, "my true-blooded dad, too. I didn't figure it out 'cause of this cold until he told me," he sniffled as he thumbed his temporarily defective nose.

That made all her anger evaporate as she knelt beside him, "Inuyasha… really? Didn't you say he was a married demon that didn't want anything to do with you and your mother?"

"Yep," he grunted, "he wanted to _talk_ and stuff."

"What'd he say?" She whispered as she looked over his reddened face, though, she could tell it had at least partly had to do with the fever he was probably running.

"I don't know, I just punched him and decided to come here, I guess," he shrugged as he ran his hand through his hair, "I don't know… I wasn't really thinking, I just wound up on a train to Nikko then I thought 'OK, whatever'."

"That's fine," she assured with a smile as she patted one of his hands, "Inuyasha, you are too stressed and sick, you need to rest. How about you just stay here for a while? I'm a nurse; after all, I can take care of you."

That sounded… good. Really, though he refused to admit it, the idea of her tending him to health was an appealing one. "I… don't know."

"So," she dragged out, "you came all the way to Nikko just to rant then go home? Take some sick leave, stay. You are obviously _sick_ and, really, you are only going to make yourself worse if you do not rest."

"I haven't been reassigned yet and Kaguya gave me a week off," he murmured, "she says I need to relax or whatever."

"She sounds like a smart lady," Kagome chimed, "why don't you just stay here? There's an extra room, no need to waste money at a hotel."

"I guess I could," he pretended to mull over the idea but really it came to him instantly. Just a small bit of him—or large—wanted to get in the way of her dear, sweet, fiancé and her. Not for her, oh-no-no, just because he hated Kouga so much. He was a dick, that's all. Inuyasha was _not_ jealous…

"Who are you and what are you doing in my home?" A rustic voice snapped, which turned their attention to the elder fellow who just walked in.

"Grandpa," Kagome smiled as she got up to walk to him, "this is Inuyasha, he is a friend of mine from Tokyo and will be staying with us for a while. Be nice."

"What an odd name," he muttered as he walked up to the hanyou, his eyes narrowed upon him before they wandered up to the ears, "there is this old fable that took place during the feudal era. A inu-hanyou, just like you, and a priestess were—"

"Grandpa," Kagome laughed lightly, "Inuyasha doesn't want to hear that story. How about you go rest while I fix dinner?"

"Are you here to take my grand-baby's innocence?" he retorted as he pointed his cane at Inuyasha, "that will not be tolerated under my roof!"

"Grandpa," Kagome muttered, "that will not be happening. I'm engaged, remember? To Kouga?"

"Kouga," her grandfather grunted, "that man I do not like. He has an attitude and not suitable for my grand-baby! Akitoki Houjo, now that is a man!"

"Grandpa," she sighed as she pushed him towards the room on the first floor, "go rest, I'll make dinner."

"No fornication in this house!" He shouted before she shut the door behind him.

"I am _so_ sorry about that," Kagome started with reddened cheeks as soon as he walked away, "he's senile, he says silly things."

"Hey, it's fine with me," he grinned, after all, anyone that didn't like Kouga for Kagome was A-OK in his book.

[…]

"Hey, sexy," a gruff growl purred as the wolf-demon wrapped his arms around her waist, "what are you cooking?"

"Food," she coaxed back as she let her stir linger in the pot to wrap her arms around his, "are you going to stay for dinner?"

"Babe, that's why I'm here, your cooking is the best," he grinned as he kissed her neck.

"Kouga," she giggled as he pulled her closer, "stop."

Unfortunately, that was when Inuyasha walked down stairs after setting himself up in the room that used to be her grandfather's but turned into the guest room when he no longer held the ability to walk up the stairs. He felt a gag start instantly at the sight.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kouga questioned as he cocked a brow and glanced over Inuyasha.

"I was about to tell you," Kagome replied, "that I'm having a guest stay for a week."

"_Him_?"

"Me," Inuyasha retorted, "I've known her longer then you, get over it."

"You are still a prick," he scoffed.

"Asshole," Inuyasha rejoined, "I can't imagine _at all_ what Kagome sees in you."

"I'm awesome, obviously," he countered with his cocky smirk, "right, babe?"

"I'm _not_ getting in this," she nudged him away.

"See, she doesn't even know what it is," Inuyasha grinned, causing Kouga's smirk to falter before he stomped up to him.

"I'm the one marrying her," he asserted, "feeling a little bad about that, eh?"

"Yeah, terrible," he snorted, "for _her_."

"Why you—"

"That's it," Kagome shouted as she turned off the stove and dropped her spatula down enough to catch both their attention. "One minute, that's all it took? You two are both morons!"

Without another word she left them both stunned as she stormed out.

[…]

Why did they have to fight like that? Sure, they didn't like each other, she knew that, but couldn't they have just pretended to play nice for her sake? What jerks and such fools… she was going to have one very long, very pain-staking, week if those two were going to act like that.

"Ugh," she mumbled as she shook her head, "dang it…"

Of course, Kouga's car had to be waiting outside her house; she had sort of been hoping that he wouldn't be there… so she sighed and lugged herself up to her own door. Cautiously she opened and shut it and took a few steps forward to see who was waiting, somehow it seemed better that it was Inuyasha and not Kouga.

"Hey," he murmured, "I'm sorry, Kagome, about earlier. I don't really have a good excuse—except I'm having a bad week and I really hate Kouga."

"I thought you have no excuse?" She muttered.

He shrugged at that, "sorry?"

She sighed, "it's fine."

"I'll stay at a hotel if you'd rather—"

"No, I don't," she assured him with a small smile, "I just don't want you two to fight, so can you act appropriately…?"

"Sure," he nodded, for her, he could try.

She lifted her hand up to brush away his bangs and feel his forehead, "you need to get some rest, Inuyasha. You still have a fever; did you take that medicine I left out for you?"

"Yes," he sighed.

"Jeez, don't act like it's such a burden for me to be helping you out," she taunted with a pat on his cheek before she leaned down to give him a quick, fleeting, peck on the head. "Good night, Inuyasha. Do get some rest and drink plenty of water."

"Y-yeah," he stammered back as he turned his reddened cheek to her—why did that spark such a frenzied beat in his heart? What was it about _her_ that could do that to him? It was different, so different, then all the times that Ayame had kissed him, even when it was in the most intimate of ways.

A peck, that was all it was, and it caused a thumping so loud within his chambers that he was almost certain even she could hear it as she proceeded up the stairs to go sleep with her fucking fiancé. The jerk that got to hold her through the night—why did that suddenly matter so much to him?

He had had his chance with her, though they never progressed further then friendship it _could_ have happened, they just took a different path. That was why he shouldn't; he hadn't the right, to feel such a seeping, slithering, jealousy.

The feeling that fluttered through him was foreign, he couldn't grasp it, he didn't know… did he love her? Was that it? Was this awful overflow of sensations that threatened to drown him _love_? So much squeezed at his heart, it hurt.

It hurt…

If the hellish emotions that choked him was love, then did he want—could he, did he hold the right?—to fight for her?

No, half of him shrieked. Yes, another part beckoned.

But there was one overwhelming notions that all of him agreed with—Kagome should _not_ marry Kouga. She could do better than him, she _deserved_ better—she deserved so much more than he could give her.

Than anyone could… than even the hanyou could. He wasn't any better than Kouga, he wasn't worthy of someone so sweet and saintly as Kagome… but if _he _wasn't, if _he _couldn't have her, then neither could Kouga.

* * *

**A/N**: Ops... that's what happens when I do my proof reading in Word instead of in whatever this thing is that fanfic allows us to view our documents in. Did no one notice how the last three sentences were all in the wrong verb tense and horridly written? I uploaded the document that I wrote over with the outline in it still, this is the proper document with the right ending. So sorry about that.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this version better and please continue to review :)


	17. Renounce

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 17: **R**_enounce _|x}

There was simply no way he could allow it to come to pass, he had to stop her from making the mistake of marrying the mangy wolf. If he wasn't such an ass, if he was better off and with less of a player past then he would allow it—it wasn't for _himself_ that he wanted her to call off the wedding, it was for _her_. She deserved better than Kouga.

"He is not good enough for my grand-baby," Kagome's grandfather proclaimed as he waved his walking cane above his head.

Really, he couldn't have said it any better.

"Don't you think, Inuyasha?"

"Yep," he nodded, "Kagome is too good for him. The guy's a pig."

"He is! My grand-baby deserves better, now Akitoki Houjo, that's a man! She needs to get married to him," he ranted on. It was then that Inuyasha figured that he was having one of his 'moments' where he forgot chunks, like the part when Kagome _was_ engaged to Akitoki Houjo. Inuyasha had never met the guy but Kagome had told him about him and so had her grandpa. He seemed like a pansy, a good natured pansy but a pansy nevertheless.

"Yeah, I hear that, too," Inuyasha replied with a nod before the old man finally sat down, for a moment he stared blankly at him before his smile light up again, "ah! Where is your sword, Inuyasha?"

"My sword?" he mused, "what sword?"

"The testusaiga," he stated, "the sword that you father crafted from a fang for you, the one you used to conquer the evil monstrosity that caused misery everywhere it went."

"Ah, _that_," he smiled weakly, and now came stage two of the old man's issues—confusion, a blurred line between reality and the endless amount of old time fables that he knew. One in particular he believed was true, a tale of the shikon no tama, it had two names in it that really made his wires get crossed. An inu-hanyou named Inuyasha that teamed up with a pretty priestess named Kagome. "Right, yeah, I left that somewhere safe."

"Good idea," he nodded as he began to sip his tea, "you wouldn't want the dark forces getting their hands on it."

"No, I wouldn't," he assured, "you tired yet, old man? Maybe it's a good idea you go to sleep."

"In my youth—!"

"You ain't young anymore, _old_ man," he rejoined with a smirk as he stood up to help him to his feet and into his bedroom, "just go to sleep."

"Don't let the demons get in," he ordered as he crackly got into bed.

"Don't worry, I won't let them get in," he promised and he closed the door behind him. He jumped some when he turned around to see that Kagome was _right_ there with a dumb smile upon her face.

"Sorry," she giggled, "thanks, I think my grandpa really likes you."

"Yeah, he doe like me," he grinned, he didn't even have to explain it any further. She knew he well enough to read the subtext, _he doesn't like your fiancé._

She just sighed at that with a shake of her head before she went to the kitchen, he had been throwing those silent jabs around for days now. She got it already, he didn't like Kouga, but she had the funny feeling he wouldn't like anyone she chose. "Want something to eat?"

"Sure," he replied with a shrug as he walked back out to sit at the table, "how was your day?"

"I had to help out in the burn unit," she frowned as she got out some bread and other fixings—there was simply no way she'd be going near the stove.

"That sounds nasty," he shivered.

"It is," she muttered, "I'll be in the child's ward later, this is just an overall depressing week. But on the bright side," she grinned, "I'm going to go try on wedding dresses tomorrow on my day off. Wanna come?"

No, not at all but, "sure."

[...]

One dress, two dress, three dress, four… five… six… seven, eight, or twenty, fifty, sixty—after the first three it all just faded into more and more. It was a complete bother; they had gone to three stores the first two her bride's maids were there to give an opinion. Each time one agreed on it the others disagreed, there was one aspect one liked, another that they all disliked, then all had to go to work but she decided to go to just _one_ more place.

She said she had a good feeling about it, he sighed and said whatever.

It was rather painful to watch her flaunt around in wedding dresses and giggle with her friends, all joyous about marry a man below her. That was it… he wasn't jealous. Probably…

_Finally_, she walked out in one that she truly seemed to enjoy and one that simply took his breath away as he sat in the chair outside the dressing room. When she came out she asked, "what do you think?"

Her answer was his dumbfounded stare, not a word left his lip, she smiled brightly as she turned around to look at the three-piece mirror.

"I never knew someone could make a wedding dress look so damn good," he managed to say after she had turned away.

Instantly, her heart went 'bump-bump' and her cheeks became rosy while he walked up behind her to examine the her closer, she could see him in the mirror, feel him right behind her… it made her heart go wild when he touched the fabric. It was stupid, why did it happen? Why did she have to think so hard _not_ to wonder what it would be like to kiss him… or that the last time—only time—they did it was in Nikko, too.

Just like they were then…

"I…" she began in a mutter as she touched the scar on her chest, "I don't know if I want to wear one like this… it shows my scar, you know?"

She feared that it'd upset Inuyasha, to have to think about his sister-ish. And for a moment it did, he raised his hand up to place it upon hers, "Kikyou must have loved you a lot, Kagome, she'd be really happy for you."

"Thanks," she smiled as she slightly leaned back into him.

"I think you look pretty, with or without the scar," he assured her as his fingers glided down to the rim of her dress, she wasn't a lustful woman by any means but that does spark a certain flame within her.

"I'm going to try on another dress," she stuttered before she pried herself away to go back into the dressing room.

Of course, she had to try three more on before giving up for the day. They barely got out on the street before the rain started to pour down on them.

"Crap," she cursed as they started to run down the street, Inuyasha grabbed her arm to yank her under a protruding roof to shield themselves. "I'm soaked, it's really storming."

"Should have watched the weather," he guessed as he ran his hands threw his silver tresses and sighed to look back at her.

"It said it would be a nice spring day," she mocked, "never listen to the weatherman."

"I want to tell you something," Inuyasha sped as he leaned upon the wall to face her.

"Okay," she replied wearily, "what?"

"I don't think by any means that Kouga is good enough for you."

Ah, that, at least he finally said it aloud. "I figured as much, you haven't really tried to hide that fact."

He groaned, "look, I'm serious. I can't let you marry him in good conscious. He won't treat you right."

"Inuyasha—"

"I hate to use this," and he really did, but it was a sure fire way to get her to listen, "but it's not just for your sake… it's Kikyou's too."

That got her hazels to widen before she looked away, "is… that so?"

"Yeah, Kagome," he pushed off the wall to stand in front of her, "it is."

"Just," she paused as her eyes locked with his, "for our sake… not yours?"

There was no implication of that being a _bad_ thing in her voice; on the contrary, she seemed to almost tremble in all the right ways with him so close. Would it stop her if it was for his sake, too? He leaned just a bit closer, she didn't move until their lips were barely apart. Then her senses flowed back to her and she pushed him away to cover her mouth and step aside.

"No, I can't… I can't be that girl, that's not _me_," she declared. "I mean… I cheated on Houjo, he's a good guy, I can't do it a second time, Inuyasha…"

"Then just leave Kouga, it's not cheating then," he simply stated.

She shook her head again, "I… love Kouga, and he loves me."

He nodded, "I see."

He'd be gone tomorrow; no one could say he didn't try.

[...]

What _if_ she made the biggest mistake of her life by rejecting Inuyasha? What _if_ he was really the one she was meant to be with? Couldn't he just be beside her and make her heart go wild? She couldn't… _couldn't_ live with that 'what if'.

But… could she live with the ones if she left Kouga?

_Ugh_, what hell. If Inuyasha had never shown up then none of these worries would be fluttering around her head. She would flinch each time Kouga touched her or picked apart each compliment that he gave her, _everything_ he said to find something annoying about it.

She had to face the facts; she was just _looking _for a reason to disengage with him. But what would that say about her? The first one she left for the man she was fucking behind his back, the second one she left to…? Fuck another?

_Ugh_, that wasn't _her._ That wasn't, so why did it become?

She used to be so good, church every Sunday, no sex, the most pious of behavior now…

Now she was terrible.

"Babe, what's the matter?" Kouga finally asked as he folded his arms, "ever since that mutt left you've been actin' funny."

For _three_ days she had been 'actin' funny', why did it bother her that he noticed? It meant he knew her, that he cared about her… he did, there was no reason to leave him. She could dig and dig for a justification but there was none.

"Kouga…" she began wearily as her eyes met his pretty blue eyes.

She had no reason to leave him…

[...]

The city was rather cold once he returned even in spring, rain constantly poured down and it seemed ever so fitting. He was more miserable than he thought with each day that faded away, every one was a sign that they she was closer to being officially someone else. Someone who was _not _him_… _but that wasn't the main character—was it?

Wasn't it that Kouga wasn't good enough for her?

Yeah… that was it, but he couldn't stop her if she didn't want to listen. He'd force himself to go to the wedding like he promised, he'd sit through the service patiently and go to the after-party-thing enough to say 'hey' then return to Tokyo. It wouldn't be a problem. He was fine with that… he was.

When a knock, knock, knock caught his attention he got up and walked to the front door to see a certain someone standing there with a silly smile.

His brows flexed together in bafflement as she walked right in without a word, "hey…?"

"I called off the wedding," Kagome declared as she spun around, "it was hard… and I feel bad about it but I did it."

"You did, that's great," he grinned as he shut the door, "how'd Kouga take it?"

"Try not to relish in other's misfortunes, Inuyasha," Kagome ordered as she crossed her arms, "it was hard on him… he doesn't get it but… I think it's for the best."

With a smile she took a step forward and placed her hands upon his shoulders to lean up—he knew right away where that was going and… he leaned away. Her brows bent together from that as she tilted her head, he unlocked her hands from him.

"Inuyasha…? Didn't you want me to do that?" She inquired.

"Yeah, because Kouga's not good enough for you," he stated.

"That's it?" She snapped, "that's the only reason? What about you?"

"I'm not good enough either," he shrugged as he pushed his hands into his pockets.

"Shouldn't I be the one to decide that?" She asked as she took a step forward, he only took one away.

"It wouldn't work out," he muttered, "you hate the city and need to stay with you grandpa. There's no way I could move to Nikko. I don't even have a high school degree and I make a good amount of money working for Kaguya, I couldn't do that anywhere else."

"That's not fair," she declared, blinking quite a bit in the process to keep the tears that threatened to break free in. "I gave up marrying a fine man for you and you won't even _try_?"

He didn't say a thing, he simply looked dumbfounded so she shook her head and waved him off as she stormed out of his place.

Was he wrong…? Or was she?

* * *

**A/N**: thanks for reading, please review. I hope you enjoy the last few chapters.


	18. Renew

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}

{x| **C**_hapter_ 18: **R**_enew _|x}

A content sigh left her naturally pink lips as she rested her head upon a broad shoulder, her lids slowly shut to ignore the beautiful sunset that unveiled itself to them. A hand that knew the rough times of work took hers to interlace their fingers.

"Hey—"

No. Stop. Rewind.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha shouted out as he ran out of his door to the end of the hallway after his initial stupor faded. Did she want him to give them a go? Well… she _did_ leave Kouga. Granted, he wasn't much better than that man. He didn't make more money, he didn't have better credentials, he didn't have a better past… but he _had_ to care for her more than that wolf bastard—right? Or was it just compassion for all she did for him? An extremely attached friendship?

Did he _really_ want to take it to the next level?

That was why he didn't get out before the elevator's door shut, so he ran down the stairwell instead.

She wanted to… so why not? What was the _worst _thing that could happen? They end miserably and cease to speak? When that thought hit him he stopped midway. But… what if he did not follow? Would they still talk? After a while…?

"Fuck," he cursed as he started up again. He didn't know. He didn't doubt that Kagome also hadn't a full grasp on what they were doing. They were both being stupid.

As soon as he got to the first floor of his apartment complex he caught a glimpse of her leaving the lobby, with a sigh he kept up after her until he could grab her arm to stall her.

The tears in her eyes killed him…

"Kagome," he murmured as she jerked her arm free.

"What?" She grunted back, "huh?"

"Look… let's talk about this, okay?"

It was her turn to sigh, "fine… where?"

"Come here," he requested as he took her by the arm to lead her to the first bench they could find. "Kagome… it's not that I don't care about you, you know that, right?"

"But?" She jeered, she could already hear it.

"But…"

"If you say you are not good enough for me I will hit you," she warned him, "_I_ am the one that decides that and I think you _are_. I know about your past, I accept that. I accept _you_."

"And that's great," he replied with a nod, "I'm glad… that's good… and I care about you but… I think… I do," he rephrased as he glanced away and up to the orange tinged city sky, "love you. I do. It's just… not… dating wise, I don't think. I mean… it's like—"

"Platonic," she stated and instantly his golden gaze returned to her hazels, "you love me, but platonically?"

"Yeah," he shrugged, "you… feel differently?"

Her hazels flickered about him for a moment before shifting to the sky that would bear no stars, the lights would infringe on that little pleasure… one of the many reasons she disliked the city.

"I," she paused as she bit her bottom lip, "I don't really know. I want to say I do but… maybe I don't? Maybe I'm just scared of marry Kouga… of becoming exclusively his, if in the only actual relationship I have been in other than with him I couldn't even stay loyal—"

"Whoa," Inuyasha interrupted to win her attention, "I'm not advocating you get back together with him."

"I won't," she stated, "I shouldn't… If I have doubts now they'll only get worse later, right?"

"Yep," he chimed.

To that she rolled her eyes, "you would say whatever… are you jealous of Kouga?"

"I don't know," he honestly replied as he leaned back into the bench, "maybe a little but generally I think it was the fact that I _really_ don't think he's good enough for you—"

"Do you think anyone is? Would you ever?"

"Maybe…"

"I love you," she confessed, he didn't flinch, he didn't let his eyes leave hers, and her heart did not rush at the declaration. Then her hazels shifted away so she could sit back more, "platonic, huh? I bet that would work well with a long distance relationship."

"Kagome," he muttered, "I—"

"I wouldn't cheat, you wouldn't cheat," she stated in a very matter of fact tone, "I think we're somewhere in between the way someone loves a friend and someone loves a…"

"Lover?" he redundantly added.

"Yep, I think that's a good start."

"I'm not sure—"

"When have you ever been sure about anything?" She inquired and knew from the stupor on his face that she had him stumped, "let's try, please? If it doesn't work it doesn't work."

"And we stop talking," he grumbled.

"Not true, people can stop dating and remain friends; we'd just have to work at it. Please, let's try? I like the idea of platonic," she smiled, "it's means no sex. It's spiritual, it's… nice."

"Okay," he sighed, "I give up; I'll give it a go."

"Jeez, thanks," she laughed as she nudged him, "you make it sound like I'm forcing you to get a root canal."

A smile laced her lips while a content sigh left them as she rested her head upon his shoulder. His hand took hers to interlace their fingers.

"Hey," she started, "you understand I am going to stay in Nikko, right?"

"And I'm staying in Tokyo."

"We'll have to work out a schedule, who will come visit who on which weekend."

"Sounds good," he nodded, "sounds annoying, too, but I could live with it."

[...]

"Fuck," he gasped as he grabbed his chest and stumbled backwards. His mind had been anywhere but right in front of him—generally, that meant on his… girlfriend. It still seemed like an odd concept, even a bit wrong, that Kagome was his. She had only spent the night before leaving so she could be back in Nikko in time for her nightshift at the hospital the next day. Of course, they didn't do anything inappropriate—not that it would really be inappropriate now that they _were_ dating. Still, they hadn't done anything but talk about how 'this' was going to work. Being the neat and highly organized girl she was, Kagome made out a full scale schedule.

"We'll talk every day, okay?" She had made him promise before seeing her onto the train. It's not like that would be any different than before.

That was why he didn't notice someone standing in front of his door until he looked up from finding his key. And just _great_ that someone was _him_—his so called 'father'. Now that he had his nose back and functional he could smell the similarities between them but that didn't mean jack shit.

"What do you want?" Inuyasha snarled as he moved past him to insert his key in the lock and open his door.

"To talk, preferably this time _without_ being punched," Inutaisho requested as his golden gaze followed his every step, "I _am_ your father, I feel like you should give me at least five minutes—"

"A father I never knew," he retorted as he turned around in his doorway, "a father that was never around. A father I really don't give a rat's ass about. A father—"

"That wishes he could have been," he interrupted, and for a moment that silenced Inuyasha enough for him to continue. "I had every intention of being a part of your life. Your mother, Izayoi, meant the world to me."

"Right, expect you were married at the time, right?" He grunted as he started to shut the door only for his father to stop it.

"I left her, for Izayoi, for you."

That earned a cocked brow as Inuyasha opened the door again, "bullshit."

"I could show you the divorce papers and everything," he promised, "it's your mother who left me, without a word, just a letter saying she was moving to Kyoto to raise you alone. That she wanted nothing to do with me. I… for so long I have been looking for her and you, to think all this time you were in Tokyo."

Weary to believe him was an understatement but he still let his golden gaze flicker over the man a few times, "I'm going to call my mom… and see what she has to say about all this."

A certain gleam appeared in the old man's eyes at the mention—was there still affection there for the woman that had supposedly left him? "Here," Inutaisho started as he pulled out a card, "this is my phone number and office address. Call me whenever, come stop by whenever, I'd love to… get to know you."

"I'll think about it," Inuyasha muttered but he took the card before he shut the door all the same to call his mother. It obviously made her day each time he did that, he could tell from the joy in her tone each time she chimed a 'hello'. It wasn't until he started to explain everything that he could sense dread, "so… mom, that guy's wrong, right? He's lying, right?"

The silence on the other side was far from assuring.

"_Mom_," he growled. Really? It was hard but he managed to forgive her after all the deception in regards to him and Kikyou but this too? He didn't know if he could be so forgiving a second time around…

"It's complicated, Inuyasha."

"Fuck, don't even trying that," he snarled, "after _everything_, this too? Damn it!"

"Listen," she begged, "it wasn't my choice to leave. I didn't want to… I didn't want to at all but I had to. Inutaisho's father wasn't a kind man and once he found out about me—that I was pregnant, that Inutaisho might leave his demon wife to be with me… he was furious. He came to see me, he threatened me, he threatened you… you weren't even born yet, I couldn't… I couldn't subject you to that man. I loved him but I couldn't risk everything, risk you, to stay. I thought it would have been better to leave. Inutaisho would have been disowned from his family… Inuyasha, it wasn't easy for me. None of it was. I didn't think… Inutaisho would still care… I didn't know he still wanted to meet you. I didn't know he was looking… I didn't."

He was a sucker for stutters and whimpers, particularly when it was his mother that was crying on the other line.

"Okay, okay… just settle down. It's okay, alright?"

"But it's not okay, you have every right to hate me," she blubbered on.

Damn it, he wished he never started this conversation…

[...]

"Inuyasha," Inutaisho greeted graciously with quite the grin as he rose up from his large desk to walk up to his son and lead him into the corner office that took up almost the entire floor, "I'm so glad you came."

"Yeah," he muttered in return as his gaze flickered all over the place. He knew once he actually looked over the card that the man had to be loaded, after all it was a card for Takamoru Inc., and he was Takamoru Inutaisho.

"You've spoken to your mother?" he wearily inquired as he pulled up a chair in front of his desk for Inuyasha to sit down in before he circled around and returned to his.

"Yeah," he nodded, "she said your dad threatened her or something like that, I don't know, she was pretty upset."

"She did… did she?" He murmured with a nod, "well, never mind that for now, I'd like to get to know you. Tell me, what do you do for a living?"

"I—" but before he got a word out the door to his office opened so a tall silver haired demon could waltz in as if he owned the place, once his already cold golden gaze landed upon Inuyasha they narrowed.

"Sesshomaru," Inutaisho sighed, "you know you should announce yourself—"

"What's he doing here?" Sesshomaru snapped.

"Hey, I know you," Inuyasha growled back as he stood up, "you're the guardian to Rin, the one that—"

"Be silent, no one is addressing you," Sesshomaru retorted.

"Sesshomaru," Inutaisho countered, "stop this, I—"

"Here's the report you wanted," Sesshomaru stated instead as he dropped a packet on his desk before turning to leave once more.

"That guy is an ass," Inuyasha muttered.

"He's a bit frigid," Inutaisho admitted as he skimmed over the packet before placing it to the side, "but he's your brother, my son from my ex-wife."

Great, _great_ he had a brother. As if he wanted one, and to top it off he was an asshole, how wonderful.

"I don't foresee you two getting along," he sighed, "ever since I told Sesshomaru I found you he has been more… annoyed than usual. I believe he feel threatened."

"Why?"

"As of now, when I return Sesshomaru will become the CEO of Takamoru Inc., but now that I have found my other son I believe he worries I'd split the company and give you a part or something like that."

"I don't want that," Inuyasha assured, "I'm not a businessman, I don't want any part in your company."

He smiled and nodded before asking, "So you were saying you know Rin?"

"I'm a bodyguard, it's not dangerous, and for two years I pretty much played babysitter to her until that dick got me transferred to another person."

"Sesshomaru is very protective of her, she's his adoptive daughter. I can't say I was ever more surprised in my life when he brought her to meet me. I have no idea what sparked it but… putting that aside, Inuyasha, I have an idea."

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" He sighed.

[...]

Airports, how he hated them, but he still sucked it up to wait at gate A like a good boy until people started to filter out. He glanced about until he say one familiar, worried, figure before he started to make his way through the crowd to her side. Instantly that sparked a smile, "Inuyasha."

"Mom," he greeted after she gave him a kiss on the cheek, "don't be so nervous, it'll be alright."

"Easy for you to say," she muttered as she glanced about, "I feel so odd… I haven't seen Inutaisho in years and years…"

"He's eager to see you, don't worry," he assured her as he started to lead her to the car that waited for them at the curb.

"Really…?"

"Really," he felt so strange, it was like playing matchmaker for his giddy mother and father… ever since Inutaisho proposed the idea he had been acting like an anxious teenager preparing for his first date.

"I'm so glad that you and Kagome are together," she chimed to change the subject as she grasped his hands, "_never_ let her go, never let anyone tear you apart. Don't make my mistake, promise me, Inuyasha."

"I swear," he nodded, when they stopped in front of Takamoru Inc.'s building he helped his mother out of the car but didn't go to the door with her to her dismay. Instead, he forced her to go on alone.

As planned, he went straight to the train station to rid to Nikko. He took a taxi to the quaint little house that he adored and walked up to the door, it took two knocks before Kagome came to the door and opened it with a warm smile.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," he replied.


	19. Rapture

{.x.o.} | **R**_apture's_ **R**_emorse _| {.o.x.}  
{x| **C**_hapter_ 19: **R**_apture _|x}

"You're beautiful."

Was something he didn't spare to say twice to her—phone call, text message, or when they were standing face to face. It was always preferable if it were the latter but they didn't always have such a luxury. When one is a nurse who is on call half the time and the other a body guard who may have to be somewhere at the drop of a hat it was hard—_so very hard_—to find time to spare to visit the other.

If only Nikko and Tokyo were closer.

He constantly thought if only she lived in Tokyo.

She constantly lamented if only he lived in Nikko.

Yet nothing would give in, neither would give up. He had a job he couldn't get elsewhere. She had an ill grandfather she couldn't move.

Everything seemed to be working against them, when he got a chance to call she would be rushing about the hospital helping a needy patient. When she found the time to give him a ring he was rushing his ward about to all sorts of appearances or was forced to a no-cellphones-allowed-meal with his father and jackass half-brother.

Everything seemed to be slipping away from the two, not the least of which was each other… if they had less will to stay together they would have given up months ago but he was a stubborn bastard and she was a determined damsel so conversation after conversation they swore they'd keep going. That seeing each other wasn't everything.

It wasn't like they were a really physical couple anyway, he hated to pressure her and she didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

No sex 'til marriage became her golden rule, if he loved her he'd just manage to restrain himself. And yes, yes he did, very much. Enough that he endured the constant blue balls annoyance he'd get.

But as time ticked away love started to feel like it wasn't enough until…

"Hey, Kagome," Inuyasha began in a rush as he threw the little spit-fuck, as he so affectionately called his ward, Shippou into the car to get him back to his millionaire overly protective father. "I don't have the time right now so—"

"Inuyasha," she sniffled anyway and everything stopped for him. He slammed the door behind the overly talkative little boy—which, he still felt it was totally justifiable that so many mistook him for a girl at first.

He definitely did.

"What's wrong?" he sped, "Kagome?"

"My… my grandpa," she chocked.

He knew, before she even said it. The past month hadn't been kind to the foolish old man, his health had been declining and quickly at that. So when the fumbling words finally left her quivering lips they weren't hard for him to believe.

"… is dead."

[…]

"Kagome," he murmured after she opened the door for him and threw trembling body into his open arms, "I'm so sorry."

"I knew," she muttered as she gasped for air, "that he didn't have much time left but… but…"

"It's still hard," he nodded. Gently he led her back into her home all the way to her bedroom to rest. It was more than obvious from the black bags below her big brow bloodshot eyes that she hadn't slept in far too long. All it took were a few soothing words and to promise to stay there holding her until she awoke.

At first, it wasn't hard to sleep with her by his side. At first, it was hard for him to even feel the need to take her like a woman. He loved her, from the start, but they had been friends—and not the type that he always wanted to secretly screw her either. She, of course, was completely fine with that.

But as time grew his love for her morphed into a different type, a type that surely including screwing. She had always been beautiful; it just took him a little longer to see her as someone on his level, not his untouchable guardian angel.

Or, perhaps, for him to see himself as more? For her to help him see himself as more?

Either way, he was more than ready for quite some time to take their relationship to the next level but she didn't want that so he held back… it took some more time for him to get used to them just sleeping together and never getting more.

Time seemed to always being fucking with them.

[…]

When he opened his eyes soft hands were stroking his face, so a smile reflexively appeared on his lips before he managed to pry open his eyes to see a pretty pair staring down at him.

"Kagome," he greeted.

"Inuyasha," she grinned before she bent down to kiss him upon his curved lips.

It was different than all the times before, the kiss went a level deeper, she allowed his hands to roam more, a grab here, and squeeze there. She pressed herself against him in ways she never had but it wasn't until she let him roll her over so that her legs were spread for him and all that separated them were their undergarments that he realized she was about to allow him a chance she hadn't before.

She would let him go _all _the way.

It killed him—really, it almost did, a certain part demanded he ignore his conscious—but he forced himself off.

"Inuyasha?" She pouted in the cutest way, a way that made everything so much harder.

"You," he started before holding back and groan, "do you really want to do this right now, Kagome?"

"Sure," she squeaked as she shifted her legs about and sat up.

Sure was a no, especially when she said in such a way. He swallowed back the urge to take that as a real yes but…

"No you don't," he strained to sound indifferent at best and forced a smile, "it's fine, Kagome, you're hurting right now. You're not thinking straight so let's just leave it at that until later."

"Inuyasha, I know how much you—"

"Kagome," he stopped her with a lift of his hand, "you just lost your grandpa, I'm not going to force you to do anything that you don't want to."

"I—"

"I can wait," he assured.

As an award for his restrain he got to see her warm smile as she slid her shirt back on, "I knew there was a reason I loved you so much."

"Yeah," he murmured before he got his pants back on.

They had a funeral and a wake to endure the next day, they just had to get through that and everything would be alright… probably, hopefully, maybe.

[…]

The wake was waves of warm hearted family friends who held weak smiles and told loving stories of her dearly departed grandpa. Twinkles of tears in their eyes all the while, if not for the strong shoulder she had to lean against she might not have made it through the funeral.

"I'll be right back," Inuyasha whispered gently to the absent minded girl, he waited for her to give him a lifeless nod before he went into her beloved childhood home to leave her alone surrounded by those who she grew up around.

"I am sorry for your loss," was how everyone started but when she heard the smooth voice she knew it would be different.

Her hurt hazels shifted up to see the handsome face she expected and for the first time since the passing of her grandfather she managed a smile that was not forced, "Suikotsu-sensei, thank you for coming."

"Your grandfather was a good man," he countered as he smiled back as his gaze shifted to her house and back, "I am glad to see you have someone watching over you now."

"He's a good guy," she assured, "I am lucky. How about you…? Did you find someone that makes you happy?"

His already sad smile shifted to something even smaller, "I love my job. I'm near family in Tokyo, that's good enough for me."

"I see," she murmured.

"You are a nurse in Nikko now, don't you?"

"Yep," she chimed, "I adore my job, most of the time."

"We are actually currently looking for a few good nurses at the hospital I work at in Tokyo, is there any chance you may want to move back there? I can image that this," he paused as his glance shifted across her home, "place probably holds certain painful memories… for me, moving to Tokyo has truly helped."

"You think I could get a job there?" She dragged out before she bit her bottom lip, "really?"

"Really," he nodded, "I'll put in a good word for you, all you would have to do is submit your resume for review and I guarantee that you'd get that job. The pays good, benefits great, and the location is nice."

"I'm not too fond of Tokyo but…" her hazels shifted back to the door as Inuyasha came out once more, "'I'll think about it."

"I hope you do," he replied before bidding adieu and walking away.

"Who was that?" Inuyasha inquired as he came back to her side.

"Suikotsu-sensei, he wanted to give me his regards, too."

"That all?"

She paused for a moment before smiling with a nod, "that's all."

[…]

She hated the city, well, hate was a strong word. Disliked. She strong disliked the city but… the city was where _he_ was and the city was where all those memories _weren't_ so she submitted her resume the next day, a day later she convinced Inuyasha it was okay for him to go home and back to work and their lives slipped back into their norm.

Her busy shifts, his hectic days, her unexpected on-call notices, his sudden demands to be where his runt—as she would prefer him to call Shippou—needed hm.

A week more of that and she knew that they had no real future together living in separate cities, so when she got the call to go in for an interview she got on a train and went to Tokyo and at the end when she was offered the job she hesitated but only for a bit… he couldn't leave Tokyo but she could leave Nikko.

And for him, she would.

It didn't feel completely right, but it didn't feel totally awful either. After accepting the offer she took the train to end up knocking on the door of her handsome boyfriend.

"Kagome?" He muttered with a cocked brow and tilted head, "what are you doing here?"

"I got a job offer," she started as she slid in to his apartment to glance around at the mess it had become since her last visit. "You still suck at cleaning."

"What type of job offer? Where?" he sped as he shut his door to lean against it, completely ignoring her little slam.

"Here, a nice nursing job with more stable and normal hours then the ones I already have," she explained as she leaned against the back of his couch and tilted her head a bit to the side, "what do you think of that?"

"Here? In Tokyo?"

"In Tokyo," she confirmed, "do you love me?"

"Of course."

"Do you want me to move to Tokyo?"

"Only if you do."

"Do you think we have a future if I don't?"

He hesitated for a bit too long, enough for her to know the answer was a no, but he replied, "of course," anyway.

"I love you," she smiled, "so I'm going to move here."

"Kagome, I don't want you to—"

"I can be a nurse anywhere; you can't get the same job anywhere but here. I want a future with you. I want to be with you. I hate how little we see of each other. At least if we live in the same city we'll have to see each other more often."

"Is this what you really want?"

"Yep," she assured with a nod as she pushed off the couch to walk up to him, "do you want me here?"

"Of course I want you here—"

"Then it's settle," she smiled as she slid her arms around his neck, "I'm moving to Tokyo."

"Then," he paused, "then you should move in with me."

The sudden widening in her eyes was proof she didn't expect that, what reinforced that was the stutter in her reply, "r-really?"

"Really," he stated, "that way we are guaranteed to see each other more. Hell, last time we lived in Tokyo together it was kinda like we were already. I think we can handle it."

"You aren't asking me just so you can have a live in maid, now are you?" She teased as she leaned in a fraction closer so their lips almost met.

"No," he coaxed as his grin grew, "that's just an add bonus."

Her long unheard giggle was welcoming, so much so he just had to close the gap between her lips and his. Her arms tightened around his neck, his around her waist, stumbled; fumbled footsteps bashed them around the living room until they ended up against the doorway of his bedroom.

The edge of the wood pushed into his back in the most uncomfortable way but he couldn't find the will to care and she didn't seem to want to stop. Their lips mingled before their tongues tangled, feminine fingers slid across his belt before they slid it off to let it thud to the ground.

"Inuyasha," she gasped between kisses, in that subtle rushed way that made his heart go bump-bump all the faster.

"Kagome," he growled back before grasping her hips and pulling her closer. A few more fumbled steps later and they fell in a mangled mess on his always unmade bed.

"Wait," he swallowed right before the point of no return.

… the point where his conscious couldn't overcome his lower brain's needs.

"We are going to move into together, right?" She replied.

"Right," he nodded.

"You love me, right?"

"Right."

"I love you, too," and she was more than certain if she was ever going to marry it would be to him and him alone.

So why not?

"But are you… sure? About this?"

"Mm-hm, I really doubt we'll be able to live together any never do this," she teased as she brushed her leg against his hardened region, "and I want to, too. So, why not?"

"Uh…" what a grand question, why not?

She was obviously the girl he planned to spend forever with, and obviously the one he adored so… why not?

Discarded panties ad boxers, flesh molded to flesh. His hands groped her but, messaged her breasts, his tongue flicked her nipple, and his other hand rubbed her moist and ever so sensitive area. His mouth swallowed her moans, hers downed his.

Right before their unification his fingers interlaced hers; her legs spread more for his thrust. A gasp escaped her before their rhythm became synchronized; his plunges were met by her buckling hips.

His lips meshed with hers as his needs speed up and her satisfaction heightened then it came—the moment of radical rapture for the both of them.

He collapsed upon her as they both fought to catch their breath, a smile on both their lips.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Sometimes, remorse sparked actions could lead to freeing rapture.

* * *

**A/N**: Thank you everyone who has reviewed to this story. I hope you enjoyed the ride and please continue to review. I want to a simple ending. Most things in real life are like that anyway. Of course, I had to throw in a bit of a lemon.

I want to give a special thanks to xXKimiko_SakakiXx, eine . hexe, and Say0mi_Saki for all the lovely reviews and support. Thank you.


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